Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Thought's On My Own Obituary

Let it be said of me, "she...

Never skimped on Mayo,

Seldom suffered fools,

Loved a good book and devoured them with passion,

Moaned when she ate good food,

Didn't offer unsolicited advise or ask prying questions, unless the barn door had already been kicked down, and the livestock had fled,

Thought physical beauty was over valued and a bit of a burden,

Could grudgingly take no for an answer,

For a misanthrope, she was a bit of a push-over,

Kept a well stocked bar for her friends and mixed a lovely cocktail. Bipolar drugs kept her off the sauce, but she did keep a bottle of Madeira and sherry glasses in the cupboard for those times that called for a ladylike toast

Loved her dogs better than her men (not more, just better)

Cocksucker was her favorite swear word and she used it much like the fictional character, Swearengen, played by Ian McShane, in the HBO series, Deadwood.

She had trust issues..

Wrestled with life's contradictions.

And to the bitter end believed everything is political, especially sex and death."


Suzan said...

Lovely woman.

Wish I had known her.


Sherry said...

pretty neat.

sunshine said...

Very cool. :)

Utah Savage said...

I just don't want anybody writing my obituary who did really know me. So, these are some guidelines.

are-health-insurance-companies-committing-genocide said...


Gail said...

Hey Utah-

You are my kinda gal!! :-)

Love Gail

Randal Graves said...

More Mayo? I didn't know you were a fan of the Memphis Grizzlies.

You should write your obituary as some kind of acid-tripping, zen Q&A deal, although this ain't a bad one.

Jack Jodell said...

Anyone who loves mayo and dogs, and keeps a well-stocked bar for her friends can;t be all bad! What a woman!

Tengrain said...

I don't intend to write your obit for a very long time, cocksucker.



Utah Savage said...

Ten, cocksucker, you are the man to do it.

Kulkuri said...

Would that be an auto-obituary??

Freida Bee, MD said...

I would fucking love to see honest obituaries, like this, in the newspaper!

Beach Bum said...

Wrestled with life's contradictions.

I'm late on this post but the one above was my favorite. For my entire life I have both hated and envied people for whom life was like a damn box of proverbial chocolates.

In my very young days before my siblings I would listen to my dad hit up on my mom and my mom smack my dad, and often think about my friends who had parents that clearly loved and respected each other. I wondered why my parents couldn't be the same way, for a kid about five it was an absurdly serious and impossible question.

Never one to dwell on impossible questions, cause life felt feel to provide more, i figure its just best to act like a duck sometimes.

Look calm and cool on top but paddle like hell underneath.