Wednesday, June 11, 2008

It's My Birthday, And I'll Cry If I Want To!

I started blogging six months ago, and when I started this blogging thing, I didn't think I'd have much to say. Now I'm kind of bummed that I haven't made it to that magic number of 200 blog entries. But, if I keep padding my entries like I did a few days ago, I might reach it by the end of the month, but that's really just cheating. Speaking of cheating, my mother told me I was born on D Day, June 12, 1944. I believed her until I took my first history class from my friend the history professor, to whom I bragged about being born on D Day. Imagine my embarrassment to discover that I believed that heinous bitch all those years. Granted, I was an early admissions student, and so was only seventeen, but by then I should have learned not to trust her about anything. And though I did take history in high school, Hazel Witcomb, my history teacher, spent so much time making me feel like shit (I was getting excused from her class to go rehearse for the school play) by lecturing me on being pretty and my thinking I could skate through life on my looks. She managed to reduce me to tears so often, I learned nothing in her history class except to fear the wrath of Miss Whitcomb. But she did, however, teach me to expect a raft of shit about the way I looked from just about everybody. And when I look back over my life, I'm amazed how accurate this expectation turned out to be. That is, until I turned sixty. Then I became completely invisible. And it's odd what a comfort that's been. I don't make the slightest effort anymore, since it would be a waste of time--I'd still be invisible. And that too has been a comfort. Now I save a lot of money, since I no longer buy cosmetics, or go to a stylist to have my hair done--I cut it myself. And I don't read fashion magazines, so I don't know how shitty and out of fashion my clothes look. All I require of my clothes these days is that they're comfortable and appropriate for the season. This really simplifies a lot of things.

Odd that now all my dreams are of when I looked like this, (see above) at seventeen, an early admissions student at the University of Utah and was free, at last, from my family. In my dreams I'm already living in Italy and traveling around on location shoots. In reality I was working three jobs and going to school. Dreams are where it's at. I did get to Italy. I did travel around on location shoots. More pictures of my dreamy life will be posted in the novel, Maggy.


Linda Sama said...

happy birthday, lady! and there's nothing to cry about because we've survived....:)

La Belette Rouge said...

Smart, beautiful and a writer. Wow!! Well, happy birthday to you. May this year be filled with all you treasure most and may the secret desires of your heart be fulfilled.

Utah Savage said...

Thanks Linda. This means a lot coming from you. Don't go on suffering in silence, please. Tell your story over and over. Our stories cam save other women some of the pain we experienced. You also are a writer. You just haven't quite acknowledged it yet.

LBR, thanks for the good wishes. Beauty does not survive this many birthdays. But the dreams do. Odd how the mind works when sleeping.

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

You had a little Audrey Hepburn thing going on back then. Rrreowww!!

BBC said...

Happy Birthday, mine is on the 30th. With any luck at all I will be out camping.

Geez, I've been blogging for over two years. It's now my opinion that all we are doing is screwing around and blogs are not going to change the world for the better.

E said...

Happy Birthday!!

Anita said...

happy, happy birthday utah!! (a bit late ... sorry).

as okjimm (or whatever his name is ... sorry jimmmmmmm) would say ... wowza !! so, SO pretty. and you are so right about the audrey hepburn resemblance!! i bet a lot of people were jealous of your looks.

and my guess is that while you are no longer that precocious teenage girl, and perhaps you've gained a little weight and your health problems had had their effects, you are probably STILL quite the stunner when you want to be.

i hope you enjoyed your day and was able to spend it out in your wilderness garden with your pets and your very best friends.

K McKiernan said...

Just saw it now. Happy Birthday!

You are more than your beauty, but lordy what a beauty!


Unconventional Conventionist said...


Naj said...

Pretty you are, Utah savage.
Happy birthday.

Blueberry said...

Audrey Hepburn, definitely. Not all tears are bad. Some are healing. Looks may not last, but some of us never had them in the first place. In the end (and in the beginning too), it's the mind that counts.

Happy birthday!

Je ne regrette rien said...

dear birthday heroine, I doubt much you are invisible. hate to break it to you but,...I'm a collector of vintage, books, art...ya see the thing about vintage, is good bones are good bones. They will not be denied. you've got the bones. you know it. we know it. maybe what's happened is you're judging beauty on the beauty then versus the beauty now. and why wouldn't you, we're surrounded much by those measures. but that's changing. slowly, but changing. you and I, we're part of that change. we ARE beautiful. vintage beautiful. here's to ya!

Utah Savage said...

Dear jnrr, you have just said the nicest thing, so nice so sweet I'm crying. Only kindness makes me cry anymore.

DivaJood said...

Well happy birthday, sista. The photo is great - you did look like Audrey Hepburn, amazing.

It's funny, when I was drinking most seriously, my goal was to be invisible. Death by invisibility. Now, 20 years sober, I am far from invisible. I'll be 60 on Halloween - but my life has become quite large.

My own mother used to tell me things like "marry the first man who asks, because for you, there won't be anyone else." So I did. Big mistake. Divorced after 22 years. Two abusive relationships after divorce. Now happily single.

So, that said, I am going to sing to you. You are lucky you cannot hear this, because I can't carry a tune if it had handles:

Happy birthday to you, ooo ooo ooo
Happy birthday TOO yoooooou
Happy Birthday to yooooooooooooou.

Stella said...

A joyous birthday to you, Ms. Utah. You really do look like Audrey Hepburn. As far as Miss Whitcomb, she probably never got to go to Italy and live an amazing life like you. So, put her in your past.

More than being a beautiful women, you are a highly talented writer and a brave soul for chronicling your life.

I'm repeating myself, but I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog. I have my evil muse, Swift, and our admiration for "A Modest Proposal." But for that...

I'm so glad you're getting yourself the Dorothy Parker book. I can't wait to hear your opinion.

So, I'm joining DivaJood in a chorus of "Happy Birthday." You know, DivaJood, in our generation, most mothers pushed us towards marriage because then, what was a woman without a man? That's just too sad.

There's an old Japanese saying, "May you dream deep in big pillows." Keep dreaming, Utah. Dreams come true surprisingly often.

La Framéricaine said...

Well, after your comment at Piaf's I had to take the cyberride over to your place to have a read around. You writin' my language, woman! I like your accent.

Contrary to what one of your admirers opined, I could care less if my blahg makes the world better. If it makes me better then I will be, in the Gandhi sense, "the change that I would like to see in the world." You don't get peace by hating war, only only ever by loving peace.

By the way, I am IN LOVE with your "smoking woman" graphic. It gives me the thrill of smoking with out the stinky clothing! Niiiiicccceee!


Liquid said...

You were born on D-Day..........


Your mind is more beautiful than your grace.

Write on sistah! Write on!

Happy Birthday


"May every hallway be a runway for you today!"

Liquid said...

When I grow up.....I wanna be just like you......!

{{{P.S., by the way.}}}

My word verificaiton was


so maybe it'll come true!


Ghost Dansing said...

girl from impanema

dada said...

Happy Birthday, Utah:

Dah-ling -- you're absolutely gawd-jous! (I called the wife in for verification. She was blown away!)

And what's even scarier, you disprove the theorem beauty and brains are not compatible!

A most happy birthday to you!

D.K. Raed said...

Well, I thought you WERE posting a pic of Audrey until I read your post! You are gorgeous! And now, I am sooo looking forward to my 60th if it means I will turn invisible. That is something I've always wanted to be. Tempest fucket (as and old beau of mine used to say on b-days)!

enigma4ever said...

Beautiful photo...and you are still this beautiful person..just older and wiser than any silly hazel the history have class, and grace and style.......many hugs..

( so you know in this photo you have a Audrey Hepburn quality right? do..)

Anonymous said...

I know this is posted late and I hope you got my email.

I wish you all good things for all days.

You are a wonderful writer. And that picture is incredible.

Randal Graves said...

Aw shit, I take some time off and I miss your birthday. So happy birthday, hottie.

Dr. Zaius said...

What a great picture of you! Happy birthday.