Friday, October 3, 2008

On Stepping In It

I know of no other blogger whose writing is as counter productive as mine. I have never seen another blogger have to back track and retract her previous posts with the frequency that I do. Maybe it's time to shut the fuck up. Maybe it's time to take a break and read for a while. When you start congratulating yourself on your writing, it's time to quit writing. I'm sloppy in the extreme. Ignorant. Woefully under educated. Out of my league. Thoughtless, careless of other's contributions and feelings. And I can't seem to read when I write. It's as if there is a switch that's thrown when I shift from one medium to another that turns off every other creative function.

Shorter days sometimes trip the switch that is at the heart of a mood disorder. Today I feel prickly, pissed off, alienated, and mired in self loathing. I need to go out to the grocery store and I am dreading it. I have to work to assemble a disguise, so that my feelings won't show. I need to look normal. I need to make sure I am invisible. The barometer is shifting as a storm moves in. Maybe it's weather related. I have tools sitting on a table outside that haven't been used in a month. It's time to stop everything unrelated to some practical, necessary task. I need to make a list and make sure that somewhere on the list is read the book Nick gave me for my birthday. But mostly I need to shut the fuck up.

16 comments:

Ghost Dansing said...

if you don't write anything, what will i read when i visit this blog? i just wouldn't know what to do!

Utah Savage said...

You're trying to trick me aren't you?

linda said...

darling,
did you get my email?

DCup said...

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Utah Savage said...

Dcu, when I act like an ass, I think I ought to fess up.

Utah Savage said...

Linda, check out the next post and you will see that indeed I did get your email and now I'm piss and you know who. Not just one, but all of them.

Utah Savage said...

Except Randal Mathman, and Chost.

Tengrain said...

You are out of napkins, too. Where will this misery all end?

Regards,

Tengrain

(I stole that line from Woody Allen...)

Randal Graves said...

Fine, leave me out of the vitriol parade. No fiction for you!

We all fuck up. It happens. But that's why I bought a Dumbass! Filter. That way when I want to call all you assholes assholes, the Dumbass! Filter stops me from clicking on the Publish button. Only $29.95 from Ronco!

Utah Savage said...

Oh, I thought by filter you meant something your do with your brain. Does it mean you can't swear? At all? Ever?

linda said...

hoping it's sunshine and rainbows out there in mormonland, today, utah! well, we can hope, right?

a bit worried about you, reading between the lines but I know you know what to do...now about the IMO stuff...on your last post, could you translate your MIL MOFO (think that's it - can't go back and look at it without losing my comment, I think..so comp. savvy, that's me)

Utah Savage said...

Linda, that would be MILF s male or mostly male saying, "mother I'd like to fuck." MOFO is loosely translate as Mother Fucker. I believe this is from black vernacular.

Liberality said...

just dropping by to say I am up for the post about personal libraries. You do the first post so that I know what to do for sure :)

Linda Sama said...

honey, rejoice in yourself, good, bad, ugly, and indifferent! fuck it all and be free, be happy, be you, be peace!

your sister of a different mother...;)

Utah Savage said...

I'm turning into the John McCain of bloggers. It's a little embarrassing. But it does not give me any compassion for McCain at all. At least the only person I embarrass is myself; he embarrasses the nation.

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

what?