Saturday, November 15, 2008

Preparing the Poison as We Speak

What's a technicality like the season, when your poisoning squirrels in the Attic?


Stella said...

Tom Lehrer! Love it! The Masochism Tango! We Will All Go Together When We Go!

OMG, thank you so much, Utah. She we skip together poisoning pigeons in the park?

Utah Savage said...

We're on. Hows the smoke in the air. Are you okay? Not threatened by the fires?

My grandfather had all the Lehrer LP's and I played them over and over learning all the lyrics. God I loved his songs. Just suited my personality to a tea.

Beach Bum said...

I'm all for doing the pigeons in but during the Depression we ate squirrels down here in the South. Wouldn't want to hurt a possible food supply right now given the economic situation. Come to think of it right now I seem to remember talk about how people raised pigeons for protein back then as well.

anita said...

Here's my favorite Tom Leher song, Alma. About Alma Mahler, who was married to the composer, Gustav Mahler ...

Anonymous said...

Were your ears burning last night around 8:00 pm? Kelso called and I was telling him about how fabulous you are.

Mauigirl said...

LOVE Tom Lehrer. I have a CD of his best songs that I got just so I could hear them when I wanted to.

I hope you're not really poisoning squirrels. Have-a-heart traps, please! I have had squirrels as pets and they're great little companions. You'd be surprised what personalities they have.

susan said...

What can I add to good Sunday morning other than - The Vatican Rag!

First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playing it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!

Utah Savage said...

I was going to post the Vatican Rag, but worried about offending Franiam.

Utah Savage said...

Mauigirl, When we used to live up Emigration canyon we used to feed peanuts to the squirrels and they got so tame that started giving us little bites on the toes if we didn't fork over fast enough. But up there they never found a way into the house.

I have a serious squirrel infestation. I trap them and move them away, making room for the next family which has just been waiting for the last family to go so the new guys can move in. I'm working on a very long piece to publish later today. This is just the teaser.

Oh, and how right you are. They do have personalities. They yell at us and throw shit down from the trees with deadly accuracy.

Stella said...

We're OK, Utah. Thanks for asking. There's a lot of nice concrete surrounding us, so we're protected from the fire.

The smoke is terrible, but is clearing up slowly. We never used to get Santa Anas in November. The weather here has been completely disjointed.

Utah Savage said...

Hey Beach, if you ever want to come up north and hunt squirrels, all you'll need is your gun. You could sit in a chair in my back yard and drink beer and pick those little fuckers off as fast as you wanted. We could experiment with recipes for squirrel stew and make squirrel hats. Might start a fashion trend. I have what the city calls a squirrel habitat in my back yard. Neighbors on either side with fertile walnut trees and not one in mine. I might start a nature preserve and charge a small fee.

For those of you who hate the idea of killing anything, come live in my house for a month. I guarantee you'll be in favor of a slaughter of some kind after that experience.

Imagine living in a house that was infested with rats? Add fancy tails and a nice winter coat, and you have rats in fancy clothes. Rats that can fly through the tops of the trees drop down onto your tile roof and wriggle in just about anywhere and take over the night. Party Hearty all night long. Fill the walls with food, use the insulation for bedding, and bowling with walnuts above your head all night long. The house is about 140 years old. It's withstood a lot. But it has lathe and plaster walls, oddly high coved ceilings and oak floors. But honestly, I'm like to tear the fucker down and start over. I'd build a much different kind of house. It's tempting to imagine... Better left unsaid. I'm just dreaming, Big Impersonal Insurance Company.

Stella said...

Doesn't squirrel meat taste like chicken?

Utah Savage said...

I've heard it does. Snake tastes like chicken, rabbits taste better than chicken. Maybe I should be fattening the little bastards.