Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Biographical Information? Me? Couldn't Possibly!

I have got my pitch together with a lot of help from some of you. I have finally come to the conclusion that there isn't much more I can say in 300 words or less about the novel. I know I'm supposed to be selling a product. I think I've gotten into the spirit of the thing. I think I might have a handle on it now. It's only taken me a couple of weeks. I started out with 750 words or so and cut and cut and cut. Kathleen Maher has been most generous getting me through the worst of it, now under 300 words and just a bit juicy, not too scary, and hopefully intriguing.

But now my task is to write about myself. As myself. Oh god, no! You might think this is funny since I do little else these days, but this has to be focused on me as the writer of this particular book which I am selling as fiction. Can I pull this rabbit out of this hat?

So what are my credentials? Really? Credentials? I have none. This is so sad. I might be one of the best read women in the world, but I have no credentials. I took classes at two universities from the age of 17 to 29 and virtually spoon fed my third husband all the reading he had to do to get his PhD in Creative Writing from the University of Denver. I typed his collection of short stories, and edited them in the process. I read Peyps Diaries to him as we drove back and forth across the country. I swear to god I carried him on my back as we made those endless trips from Arkansas to Colorado over and over while reading aloud from sunup to sundown day after day. But he got the PhD. And happily for me, and sadly for him, he is now still an academic and I write. Ha!

32 comments:

FranIAm said...

Your credentials are your life. Keep on writing - write like you just did.

That is your biography, how the words are formed and formed again and again in your brain, on your heart and finally onto the page.

giggles said...

In some books, it's as simple as "P lives in Utah with her best friend...." the book will say the rest to anyone who's payin' attention!

thelass said...

I say use that last paragraph as your credentials. :) I recently had to do a brief bio. on myself and wow...how shocking to see my dull life displayed on paper. Good luck!

Randal Graves said...

Have you thought about buying one of those mail order diplomas? Just cross out Northwest Medical Technical College and write Harvard.

Linda-Sama said...

writing about ourselves is the hardest thing to do, at least IMO. it took me 6 months to come up with something to say about myself to promote my yoga on my website.

honey, you're brilliant, OK? and when you do the book tour come to chicago.

kathleenmaher said...

First, Utah, you are way too generous. Your readers need to know I suggested the equivalent of a few punctuation changes. By my lights, your pitch letter is brilliant, while nicely whetting the appetite. (Thank you, though, for building me up.)
Second, I'm with "thelass." Your last paragraph here is perfect.

darkblack said...

I before E except after C?

Not taking the wrong track on mixed metaphors and avoiding a meltdown?

Dodging cliches like the Plague?

And no sentence started with a conjunction?

Check. There, you're qualified. Now, hit the keys.

;>)

La Belette Rouge said...

I talked about my blog and the writing I have done for that as well as other life experiences that influenced the writing.

I admit that I almost had someone write my bio and then I just sat down and did it and it was much easier than I thought it would be. But, writing about myself in that way is always harder than regular writing.

Ghost Dansing said...

yeah.... you can probably write that....

Beach Bum said...

I read some critic recently that was making the case that far too many writers were coming on the scene with nice English degrees and the ability to diagram a sentence but without any life experiences. So screw the credentials.

Utah Savage said...

Thanks you guys. Beach, that was very helpful. I tend to agree, but I'm strangely self conscious when asked to talk about myself or when asked to write a Bio. I become stilted and stupid. What's up with that?

I went to a movie today with Nick. I started a review for the blog, when Phillip chatted me up to work on the pitch. He reviews movies and working with him was very helpful. And he hasn't read the book.

Utah Savage said...

Darkblack, I'm worried about that dodging the cliches like the plague thing. I'm not so sure about that. I'm calling the book a psychological thriller. I'm a woman with a long and checkered past. Everything's a cliche when your jaded and old. Holy crap. I better find out what my word count limit is. Or just say very little. Oh how I hate to be dull.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

BBC said...

She thinks she will make money on a book, ha ha ha.

Stella said...

Hey, BBC. You are a fuckhead. Get something straight: on Blogger, there are certain rules that will take your ass off Blogspot. And if you think you can get on with another name, you're even dumber than I thought. They have your IP address.

What is your major malfunction? You get plenty of traffic on your blog. Why don't you go entertain your monkeys? I hear your doctor mentioned you were worried about suffering from an inferiority complex. No need, you're just inferior.

You think you're clever. Ha ha ha... (not)

Stella said...

A lie does not consist in the indirect position of words, but in the desire and intention, by false speaking, to deceive and injure your neighbour.

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.

J.S.

Naj said...

My two penny, as usual "technocratic" :)

I think in your case, the best "about the author" opening would be to start with "which generation" you come from and represent. Then draw attention to whatever is representative and whatever is wildly in contrast to who you are "supposed" to be.

This is just my personal advertisement/propaganda theory ;) The catchiest 'sellers' are things that invoke extreme contrasts within a graspable and otherwise coherent reality.

Utah Savage said...

Thanks Stella. I'm about so fed up with this idiot, I about to moderate comments. I hate to do that but this harassment is starting to really piss me off.

Naj, thanks for the suggestion. I just found out that there are two places where I need to post biographic info, and they are different bios. So this gives me a lot more freedom.

Stella said...

I went on his blog. He had a post with 80 comments, most of them from him. Weird.

I've continued to hit the delete key when I get a comment, and he leaves me alone now. One day, I got a comment something like, "I never delete anyone, even if I don't like what they say."

I deleted the comment. He's made me love my little trashcan.