Saturday, February 21, 2009

Sick and Tried

I've been sick for a couple of months or more. Not sick enough to go to the hospital, but sick enough to go to the doctor five times and still I'm sick. For a few moments I forgot how sick I was and spent my time cleaning and shopping and preparing to cook for Cal. I spent one entire day sprucing myself up for the imagined romantic seduction. Now I think part of this illness might be mere mortification at my own foolishness. And yet, I'm sick, there is no getting around it, I'm sick. My symptoms include fatigue, a terrible cough, wheezing on every breath, in and out, and the loss of my voice. Without my voice I have nothing to say. Really. Maybe without my voice I can't think.

Yes, I know there has been a lot of interesting news. Yes, I could write about any of it and have a post ready for you to read and comment on as if I really did have an original thought. Yes, I could pretend to be cruising along happy as a clam, but I'm sick. And once I bang out something on this keyboard, I won't have enough energy to visit you, to comment on your smart, witty, thoughtful, brilliant posts. I'm too sick.

I'm on my second round of antibiotics. Along with the first round (a Zpack) I was on a weeks worth of prednisone which made me feel great. No wonder athletes like the steroids. I felt invincible. So I wheezed. I felt great. Then, when the steroids ran out, I didn't feel better at all. But romance was just around the corner, so I plowed on through the cleaning, and hair coloring, the shopping and laundry. Endorphins and hope kept me going.

Then after the debacle that was my imaginary romance, I realized just how sick I felt. There is no real depression in this illness. Just wheezing, coughing, and no voice. I have had four "breathing treatments" two rounds of steroids and bed rest. I'm now on a different antibiotic, two types of inhalers, my second round of antibiotics, plus Mucinex, and Delsym cough medicine. And still I croak and wheeze.

It is the ugly season here--that time between real winter and the promise of spring. I know it will be Spring again and then I will be full of energy and enthusiasm for one project or another that will keep me outside. I'm hoping by then I'll feel well and full of energy. But for now, I'm sick and oddly tired.

22 comments:

Freida Bee said...

Sometimes it's just time to sleep and rest and surrender to doing nothing.

Several years ago I had a respiratory thing go on and on and I finally went to an accupuncturist, and that was the thing that did the trick.

Much love to you. I wish I were there making you herbal teas.

sunshine said...

Well since none of my Blogs have been smart witty, thoughtful or brilliant... don't fret about not making it over to my place.

So sorry to hear that you have been so sick. I had a bad virus that lasted a few weeks but nothing like what you are going through. My heart definatly goes out to you.

I hope that you are feeling better soon!!!!
(((((Hugs)))))
Laura

Randal Graves said...

Play more AC/DC, it's guaranteed to help or my name isn't Francis Bacon.

Liberality said...

do you smoke? I think you do. maybe it's time to quit? anyway, I do hope you feel better soon. tea with honey sounds wonderful just about now...

giggles said...

Oh...my... Feel better soon.... I like Freida Bee's solution...nothing like lots of sleep.....

(((Utah)))

Beach Bum said...

We have been passing the flu bug, virus, or some sort of damn illness around to each other several times. My daughter, Miss Wiggles, even missed a week of school and please understand that when I write she never gets sick I mean that. We have had her since she was nine months and I only remember one other time I had to take her to a doctor.

In short we all have felt like watery crap unable to do much beyond take medicine and sleep.

Rest and get well.

Utah Savage said...

I pass my computer at least every few hours and of course this is where I pause, hit that space bar and walk on. When I return I find you here, so kind and full of good advise. I'm doing as you say.

susan said...

If love sent your way could make you feel better then the love I'm sending now should arrive quite soon.

Please rest, drink fluids and try to think good thoughts. A funny movie or two would surely help a lot. There's nothing like laughter as a curative.

.. as I think Randal may have mentioned.

D.K. Raed said...

Illness that goes on & on is not normal. If your regular doctor has been unable to pin this down, you need to find a new doctor.

My best friend in the whole world, a woman I've known over 40-yrs, was being "treated" for flu for SIX MONTHS before her dr finally ran some bloodwork. Turns out she was in end-stage kidney failure which was accelerated by all the anti-biotics the dr kept Rxing.

I don't mean to scare you, UT, but you may have to raise hell to get to the bottom of what ails you. Please don't ignore yourself.

an average patriot said...

Utah my friend
You tug at my heart strings but you know that, with the cal episode too. With you girl I think nope I will stop. My mother use to say when I was a kid that I can't help you unless you are willing to help yourself!

I always taught my sons you can be your own best friend or you own worse enemy. Well what is it?

Remember, you come first, your health and well being to your friends and that must be with you to. You relax and feel better, let me know what if anything I can do!

Utah Savage said...

DK, advise taken under advisement. I will call in Monday and ask for some blood work and maybe a chest xray. I think the voice being gone without ever having a sore throat is odd.

Hi James. Yes, dear. Whatever you said. Don't all the women in your life say, "Yes dear?"

Lisa said...

I hope you'll get the restorative rest you need. Freida is right about that sometimes.

Listen to your body. Let it get better.

Like your other readers, I'll be here when you write.

The Crow said...

Sleep...lots of green tea...lots of pee...sleep...lots of green tea...lots..

You get the gist. Hope you are better soon. What you have sounds bloody awful!

Martha

Pagan Sphinx said...

I'm sorry you're sick. What a bummer. :-(

Everyone has good, caring advise for you. I think that helps, don't you? :-)

Be well,
Gina

Gail said...

Looks like you have a lot of things to consider based on the out pouring of suggestions and wonderful well wishes.

So here is one more - "Vicks".....rub it on your chest and throat and on your back too. Cover up good with flannel and sweat out all the junk.

Love Gail
peace and healing thoughts

Utah Savage said...

Such sweetness. This is what I need to get better.

Paul C said...

Utah,

If you want to, click Paul C, to read the beginning of a VERY short one act, one scene play; it may cheer you up while ill.Thanks again for your comment re Mr X (aka Welshie or Joe Blake).

Truth IS stranger than fiction.

Paul.

Ghost Dansing said...

get better soon..... come over to my blog and play with my pet bat Wraith....

sunshine said...

What Gail said about Vicks... very true. That was the turning [point for me on my road to recovery. Hubby rubbed it all over my upper back and chesticular area.. (typically,he tried something but I was too sick to go there).
Unless you've got some sort of chest infection it might just do the trick!
(((Hugs))) Laura

an average patriot said...

Yes Dear they do!

Mauigirl said...

So sorry you're feeling crummy. It is awful to feel like that - it's not the flu where you just have to go to bed. But you just aren't feeling well enough to do anything either. Ugh. I hope the latest treatments works.

femail doc said...

I stopped by to see if you were still enamored by our new prez, then found you ill! Hope you are your own best advocate (I suspect you are) and pursue this thing to diagnosis and treatment.
Best wishes!