Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Down and Out, But Not IN London And Paris

I've hit bottom. Into my gut it has struck. I have a gastrointestinal disturbance. See I can talk nicely about these things. "These things" may be funny in their way, what with the sounds and smells and all, but not at a fancy restaurant, and not attempting to sit through a movie--I almost said "shit through a movie." So far I've spent some close personal time with my toilet. No vomiting yet, but I'm told by two girlfriends who visited in the last week, that vomiting is a component of this particular bug. So I will keep the puke pan next to the bed.

I was going to try to tough it out and go on my scheduled late birthday celebration for Nick. Since I was late to begin with, I'm now on the hook for making it real special. Well nothing says special like having your lunch date farting at the table and running to the crapper. That wasn't so nicely said, but some things require plain talk. And a movie is out of the question today.

I should just buy him a first class ticket to Paris. He speaks French.


sunshine said...

Yikes! Hope that you are feeling better soon.
Thinking of you .... ummm ... strangely on the crapper. Thanks for putting that into my head!

Lulu Maude said...

So sorry. I had that bug a couple of weeks ago. I was out of work for the entire week. Lots of aches n' fever, too.

Wicked winter, health-wise. I've caught one thing after another. When people ask me how I am now, I'm almost afraid to answer.


Gail said...

Me and my Mom both had it - eeeeeewwww and ya, the sounds are like a bad symphony.
Have you ever heard of B.R.A.T. as way to get through it?
A=apple sauce
T=toast. and there you have it

Feel better.

darkblack said...

Qu'el tragique. Get well soon, Utah.


Utah Savage said...

Mais oui. Merci.

an average patriot said...

Hope it's quick Utah uhhh well you know what I mean. I hope things go quick, oh shit I better shut up!

Suzan said...

So sorry to hear this, girl!

Take lots of Vitamin C and chicken soup if you can keep it down.

Crackers will settle your stomach, and you need to drink water as well in order to stay hydrated.

Hope you are much better soon!

Not much of an April Fool's joke is it?

Take care.


Dusty said...

Damn woman, my IBS is the worst it has ever been the past three days. I know your pain and if we both were given ten bucks for every time we went into the loo, we could both afford to go to Paris in the springtime. ;)

Tengrain said...

I should just buy him a first class ticket to Paris. He speaks French.

And reading the paragraph above this, I think you do, too.

À bon chance, ma petite chou-chou.



yellowdog granny said...

good luck with ridding your body of the nasties...

Randal Graves said...

I speak bad French. Will you buy me a ticket in coach?

Oh, and feel better, or I'll post more sports.

Utah Savage said...

Randal, You'll post more sports no matter what I do. But if Tengrain wants to go to Paris with me I'll sell my little shriveled black soul.

themom said...

I certainly hope you are feeling better at this point. That is one miserable ailment. I should design a bathrooom that accomodates all body parts at the same time. I won't even attempt any French here...not my cup of tea.