Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Small Cell Squamous Lung Cancer

It is very bad news. The healthy one, the thin one, the vegetarian, the one who quit smoking very young (she dabbled for a couple of years as a rebellion, but never really took to it) the one with children and grandchildren, the one with a million reasons to live--she's the one with lung cancer. The crazy one with not a single living relative and damn few friends, the one who will not quit smoking for anyone or anything, the one who's overweight, who eats whatever she wants, stays up all night, sleeps late, the one who isn't careful about anything, the one who takes at least thirteen pills a day and chases them with espresso, the one who forgets to put anything on her stomach until four in the afternoon and sucks down ice cream and potato chips after midnight--she's the one in the pink, who seems destined to keep hanging on, even when she doesn't want to.

And some would tell me that god would have a plan in all of this.

24 comments:

Thorne said...

There is no fucking plan. As I discovered on Oct. 18, 2007 when my perfect baby Grandson died of SIDS. The Universe is random and chaotic and never, ever fair.
What love and light I have are going ot to you and your best friend.
Peace

Utah Savage said...

Thank you. Oddly your words are a real comfort. I am comforted by the knowledge that there is nothing but dumb bad luck and randomness.

sunshine said...

I'm so sorry. :(
I wish I had all the answers for you. Unfortunatly I don't.
All I can offer is my thoughts and prayers.
and of course...
(((BigHugs_)))
love Laura

Lisa said...

To question it seems natural. To understand it impossible. I'm sorry this is happening to your friend despite her best efforts to avoid illness in the first place.

themom said...

The operative word seems to be "randomness." Life is totally unfair not to mention sucky at times. I hope for only the best for you and a painless period for your friend. You will have the challenge of keeping your friends spirits bolstered - but remember, to take care of yourself at the same time.

giggles said...

What god...?

Katie Schwartz said...

Oh my God, Savage, I am SO VERY SORRY. God dammit.

I can't even imagine how you're feeling and I won't profess to. I'm here if you need an ear to bend.

I wish I could make it better.

You're one of the greatest dames and writers I know. Fight like hell for YOU, I know I will.

Love,
me

CDP said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I was hoping that you and she would hear better news. You're in my thoughts.

Cat said...

Life is so hard sometimes and there are never any explanations. It just is - what it is and sometimes that sucks. I am ever so sorry.

I am sending you and your friend warm thoughts and wishes.

La Belette Rouge said...

No plan. Nope. I am so sorry to hear the news. I really am.

My father had lung cancer and he hadn't smoked for years. Random, chaotic shit happens everyday. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

Hugs to you, my dear.Take good care of your self as you take care of your friend.
xo

Border Explorer said...

What daunting news! I can feel the irony so strongly in your post. How unfair it seems that she is so at risk with so much to live for and so many reasons to be healthy. Sending my support to you both.

Randal Graves said...

Since the universe is quite indifferent to our plights, your human pals are here to offer their sympathies.

Gail said...

Hi -

for all the randomness in life, it's not so random that folks of like thinking are all here, right now....
i guess that, making sense, is random though, oh who knows?

randomly, gail

Liberality said...

The idea that we bring cancer on ourselves by our health choices is only slightly correct. It is only a small piece of the puzzle--the part we CAN do something about. However, that being said, cancer is caused by our environment and we live in a polluted world. It shouldn't be a surprise when 1 out of 3 women get cancer in their lifetimes and 1 out of 2 men get cancer. We are in the midst of a cancer epidemic caused by our toxic environment!!!

My mother-in-law has breast cancer and she is currently fighting for her life. She never smoked not once in her life and she doesn't have a history of breast cancer in her family. She thinks the industrial farms around her home has something to do with why she has cancer now.

I hope your friend has good doctors who will treat her well. She needs all the support you can give her too. I know you will be there for her.

yellowdog granny said...

I have the answer for this..you know I believe in a Goddess..well, if you have seen pictures of the Goddess, she's obese, fat, huge, big ass, big tits, and doesn't look like she has ever said no to a donut..so if you believe in the Goddess, she knows what she likes in her peeps..which is why I always feel blessed by her..we share the same ass.

Nan said...

Depressing news, but like everyone else has been saying, the universe is random. You can do everything right and still get hit by a bus.

Steve said...

again my thoughts are with you two.
michele was the same way did nothing wrong and here I sit on my fat ass drinking bud ans smoking cheap cigs and I'm above ground and she aint?

the word fair should be taken out of the human language.

but at least we all have each other to fall back on in times like these

Fran said...

No words really. Just holding you all in the light.
One day at a time
Your friendship & support are her lifeline.
Take good care of YOU too so you can take good care of her.

Dean Wormer said...

Oh, Utah. Doggone it.

I don't know you that well but please don't think you're alone.

I don't think there is a plan to the universe. That's part of the reason we have to eat so much pain, but it's also why there are so many beautiful things around us.

Sometimes I think we forget that last part when we're cursing fate.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Well, fuck!

I know there are pithier things to say, but they all come down to that.

pplongstocking said...

Life is bemusing...

I'm sorry to hear your news Utah, it's hard to accept things that just don't make any sense.
Especially when it affects those around us we care most about.
Have courage.
Sending you all the best.

St Edwards Blog said...

Makes no fucking sense at all. I am so sorry.

As for you dear Utah, let me say that my image for you is a vibrant colorful flower that has pushed its way up in the cracks in the cement. Determined to live.

This is not to say that your friend is not, I am only saying you are who you are and there is a rather unstoppbly beautiful quality to that.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

god i'm sorry for your friend and for you and if there is a fucking god, someone should kill that asshole.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I had cancer in 2000.
I didn't want it, so I gave it back.
Still, it scared the hell out of me and I walked around like a zombie until the doctors got rid of it.
I'm sorry about your friend and I wish her wellness.