Saturday, July 25, 2009

One More Friend Hits The Wall

One of my informally adopted daughters is terribly ill. In the past week she has been admitted twice to the emergency room at the University Hospital. Neither time did she tell me that she was in trouble. Now that she's home and starting to recover, she called to let me know that there was a problem, but now it's fixed. For the time being. She has Cushing's Disease. It isn't really curable, but it can be treated. Unfortunately, the treatments are drastic and require constant monitoring. She's had so many serious surgeries, that scar tissue is now a problem. Stress is a factor in Cushing's and she has been going through a difficult divorce. I am sick with grief and worry. But there is nothing I can do. She won't let me do anything. I feel so helpless and useless.

Z is having problems with her daughter in law. Z's youngest son, his "wife" and her toddler and their infant had moved into Z's house to take care of her. But the daughter in law does not help. Yesterday when I called Z, she was doing laundry and cleaning the refrigerator. I asked her why she was out of bed and doing these things. She said she couldn't take the mess any longer. The fridge was stinking and she was in need of clean clothes. She also said the kitchen floor was so dirty she couldn't stand it. Today she tells me they are moving out soon. That was not the commitment they made with her. This is a drastic change of plans.

I feel useless and furious, and terribly scared. There are so few people I'm really close to, and these are two of the most important to me. I can't go to Z's house and muscle my way in to clean and do laundry. So to deal with my fear and worry I'll clean my own house.

15 comments:

Sherry said...

that's all you really can do. it's true- you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.

take care of yourself and that way you will be able when called on, to care for others.

Gail said...

Hi Utah-

Well, this is number three so that's it now!!

And I get so frustrated when family, especially kids say they are "moving in with their folks to "help" while a parent is ill when in actuality they are usually lazy fucks who want a free ride. Oh my, where did that come from"

So at least your house will be clean.

Love ail
peace.....

Comrade Kevin said...

You've certainly been busy giving comfort to ailing friends. They're lucky to have you.

The Crow said...

These are rough times for you, kid; rough and sad as hell.

Wish there was some way I could help you, other than to wish you well while you endure this.

:)

BBC said...

Death isn't a concept to an omnipresent spirit.

Steve Emery said...

The helplessness is so awful. Nothing is worse than knowing your loved ones are hurting and you can't do a thing about it. Parallel cleaning seems like an unsatisfying alternative, but it beats sitting still... I hope they sail into some calmer waters, and that things get better.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Well, fuck.

I love you.

Tengrain said...

You always will have the last laugh. Fighters always do, you know. Molly Brown didn't know what unsinkable meant. Piker.

Regards,

Tengrain

Utah Savage said...

I forgot to eat today. So now I'm stuffing my face. It's almost 11 PM here. God horrible days seem endless.

Freida, I love you too.

Ten, thanks. Now where is my silver mine?

Fran said...

So sorry.. that's rough.
If them being there @ Z's was not happening, then it is good they are leaving.
It did not work out.
Moving on to plan B.
She might qualify for some kind of help/ assistant....
might be worth checking out.

themom said...

As for Z's lazy-no-account daughter-in-law...I say out with her ass. When my best friend was dying, all I saw was her family members boo-hooing around the house (she had enabled all of them over the years), and none would lift a finger to help. I DID bull my way into the house and started barking commands of all that needed to be done. It worked. My concern was for my friend, not the lazy dependant brood around her. I miss her so much at times - it will be 2 years in October since she left me.

Nan said...

Fuck. It really is one thing after another for you. Hang in there. It sucks that Z's family turned out to be more of a headache than any help, but maybe once they clear out you can figure out a way to get home health aide to come in a few hours a week to keep things clean.

As for your friend with Cushing's, many of her previous health problems were probably due to it not yet being diagnosed. It is a chronic disease, but now that the doctors know it's there and can be treating the actual cause instead of assorted symptoms, she should do a lot better. Cushing's is one of those diseases that can go undiagnosed for many years because it's an endocrine system disorder so the early symptoms (e.g., fatigue) often end up attributed to lifestyle. It's a topic that gets a lot of discussion over on blogs like First Do No Harm because so many women have been harangued for years to lose weight when the actual underlying cause of their health problems was Cushing's Disease. Your friend should be able to find tons of information on the web as well as support groups to help her deal with living with it.

D.K. Raed said...

Damn! Cushings sucks. I know a bit about it cuz one of our dogs was diagnosed and on life-long treatment and monitoring. It's closely related to Addisons which is what JFK had. But as Nan said, just knowing what the cause of her lack of energy is will help her to deal with it.

Sounds like Z will do better without the "help". And like Fran said, maybe she'd qualify for some assistance/home aid. I am keeping good thoughts going for you and your friends, UT.

Mauigirl said...

So sorry to hear about your other friend's illness. It never rains but pours, doesn't it?

Sounds as if Z's family was more trouble than help...

Utah Savage said...

I need to remember to put my oxygen mask on first. I'm starting to hyperventilate.