Thursday, July 2, 2009

Email From An Old Friend


I know that with all the caring you already are giving in so many ways to Z the following may not be worth much to you. But I offer it anyway.

I remember the terror I felt, inside, when I first saw this huge machine that would soon be bombarding my body with killer radiation beams. It made a most unwelcome whirring sound as it rotated and zeroed in on the little red targets that had been painted on both sides of my throat.

It bothered (and frightened) me even more when I had to return years later for another bout with the
"terror rays."

I then read in some periodical that an individual should make make friends with the killer machine that can also heal. So I did. I went in to the room before a treatment and just sat on the bench that places you inside the maws of the monster. And I communicated with it.

Following treatments because easier as I let my mind wander n healing ways.

It worked for me.



anita said...

you are blowing radiation treatment treatment so totally out of proportion it is becoming astounding to me. it's not much different than going for an MRI, only you have to go every day for several weeks.

it's chemo that that causes the pain, the loss of hair, the lowering of the immune systems ... stop scaring people, utah. you are so much better than that.

or maybe not. you just want people to hem and haw over how wonderful and saintly you are.

Dean Wormer said...

That's a pretty cool way of looking at it. If you're claustrophobic even an MRI can be hell.

Utah Savage said...

I'm not doing this Anita. I'm merely reporting what is said to me. This is a real email from an old friend who is a voice talent and got cancer of his vocal chords. His cancer was cured with radiation treatment. It came back. More radiation and gone. It's been probably 20 years and no recurrence.

I'm sorry that my writing about my friend's experiences with cancer and my reporting about her experience and fear is pissing you off. I care very much about you. I know you aren't all that fond of me, and that makes me sad, but this isn't my battle with cancer. It's my friends, and her fears and her anger and her denial, and rage at the doctors who are telling her things like, "Oh, I'm surprised you aren't in Hospice yet!" That was early this morning when she went to see her internist for a test of her clotting factor.

an average patriot said...

Keep writing Utah my Father and others in my family went through this too. I like what he said. I wish you and Z success!

Cat said...

Whatever helps get you through your day I say write on Utah!

sunshine said...

I think that radiation and chemo are different for everyone.
Both my Mother in Law and Brother in law were fine with chemo and had bad experiences with radiation.
My Dad was sick with chemo and sailed through radiation.

Cancer is scary. No matter what the treatment is.
We're all different and tolerate some things better than others. "Z" will get through this.
Hang in there Sweetie!!

Comrade Kevin said...

I know lots of people who might do well to make friends with an MRI machine.

themom said...

Unfortunately, when my husband had laryngeal cancer, he was actually burned by the radiation. He had to forego three weeks of necessary treatment to heal. After the treatments - he ended up losing half his voice box. He declined radiation after the surgery. That was in 1986 and he passed in 2000. I'm sure we can all look at the "treatment" in so many ways. I can't say whether the radiation helped or hurt. Take care.

themom said...

oh...and another thing. I disliked the comment "you just want people to hem and haw over how wonderful and saintly you are", by the first commenter. Your postings are not about YOU. they have been about what you can do for a dear kindred soul in an hour of need. While battling your own demons, they have been thrust to the back, and your friends needs have been priorotized - I say WELL DONE.

Anonymous said...

Anita - issues, much? Jesus God. If Utah's words are so offensive to you, here's an idea: Stop reading. Oh, and extra credit for surpassing your own dumbassery with the "you just want people to like you" comments at the end there. Why not tell her she can't come to your birthday party while you're at it?

Utah - I'm a cancer survivor. Radiation is scary. (And despite Anita's claim to the contrary, it can and does have painful side effects.) So is chemo. So is thinking that you might die. Or that a friend might die.

You are doing the right things for Z...don't forget to take care of your wonderful, saintly self, too. :P