Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Sublimation's a Bitch

I have held my tongue so long it's strangling me. I know that the area in my throat and chest that is effected by this tongue holding is the exact area that is strangling my friend. But today, while I waited for the phone call to go pick her up from her first day of prep for Radiation at Huntsman Cancer Institute, I have tried to put my house in order and this house keeping has seriously inconvenienced all the dogs. So I have shouted at dogs to move, go outside, shut up, stay! all day long. I finally took to using a water sprayer to surprise Marley in mid-bark at the kids playing in the yard across the alley.

I have stripped all dog beds or their coverings and washed them. I submerged Marley's bed in the bathtub and scrubbed it. It's been drying in the sun all day and is now a lot sweeter smelling than Marley herself. Tomorrow morning Marley gets another bath. I stripped my bed and washed sheets. And I did all this cleaning because I couldn't leave my phone for fear of missing Z's phone call.

When she called I had my clothes laid out to hop into so I would look respectable when I pulled up at Huntsman to pick her up. I wore a sleeveless white cotton blouse and a black cotton skirt. I wore earrings and a bracelet. I wore my good summer hat--it goes with everything. She was waiting in the circle at the entrance, and as I drove up the hill I saw her standing there dressed in a long sleeved brown top with matching brown pants. She is reed slender and this willowy frame from a distance has the look of the girl I first met at the U forty eight years ago in a room full of boys. I do not look like the girl I was. My hair is shorter and I weigh at least forty pounds more than I did as a reed thin girl. I look my age. But at a distance Z looks just like that willowy girl, that ballet dancing girl. And a lump forms in my chest as I think about the journey we both have taken to end up here now.

Tonight her sister-in-law is cooking for her. Tomorrow I pick her up at 3:30 to take her to Huntsman again for a half hour of treatment. She is feeling better all ready.

Marley on the other hand has her very long nose very seriously out of joint. At least I didn't kick her.


themom said...

This journey is bound to take its toll on you and your health also, so remember to not forget yourself. Z is the fortunate one to have you - all my best vibes heading your way.

Steve said...

it is very good to stay busy while waiting for the time to come to take a loved one where they need to go.

Mauigirl said...

I know how much she must appreciate your support during this hard time for her. It seems as if once we have lifelong friends like this we start to have to go through more difficult journeys as we get older. You are doing all the right things to help her.

susan said...

Sending you both good wishes. Marley too.

Gail said...

Hi Utah-

Loved the image of your outfit - especially your summer hat. I always find when I am dressed in comfy clothes that look well on me I deal with life better.

Go easy on Mawley - she feels your angst!!
Love to you

Randal Graves said...

Gotta second themom. Don't forget to look out for number one now and then or you'll blow a gasket or three.

MadMike said...

I'm also with "the mom" and Marley of course:-) Take care of yourself Utah, your failure to do so would render you incapable of taking care of others.

Dean Wormer said...

Good thoughts to you all including Marley.