I'm getting ready for cataract surgery Tuesday. This photo of me is how I see the world now. Everything is muted, pale, slightly blurry even with my glasses on. My cataracts have gotten so bad I can no longer read normal sized print. I can no longer drive at sunset or at night. Glare makes me blind. I can no longer walk in the late afternoon because at some point I'll have to walk west and the glare of sun hitting my eyes will blind me. I wear glasses that turn darker as the light gets brighter and corrects the maximum for cataracts, but I haven't been able to read a book in two or three years. I used to read at least one book a day, at most, three or four. Now I just can't see well enough to read at all. Things have lost their color, their vividness. The world is a paler place for me.
It's time for me to put my house in order and start spending less time watching news. This winter I will read more and work on my own writing. I will keep order in my own tiny house and worry less about the House of Representatives. We lost the house; I just assume we'll get nothing done until after the 2012 presidential election. I have lost so many things in the tiny black hole that seems to exist somewhere inside my lovely little cottage. I have to empty one space after another until I've organized things so that I can put my hands on everything I need at any given moment. I need to bring my life back into focus. If I can accomplish these things I'll probably be happier, less angry, less anxious. So, I'm making these resolutions on the brink of regaining sight.
Letters From Oklahoma
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