Strange Nookie and the Little Brain

Elliot Spitzer, Governor of New York, has just given a news conference admitting his involvement in a high priced prostitution ring. Spitzer used to be Attorney General of New York, and one would assume, prosecuted his fair share of prostitution cases. He is married to a lovely woman and has three daughters. What in God’s name would make such a man behave in such a way?

I’ve been told by male friends of mine that the penis has a mind of its own. A little brain if you will. But a little brain with a mighty influence on the big brain, and a genetic imperative to spread it’s seed. Anthropologists and sociologists have validated this theory—it is a male (little brain) drive to populate the earth with its offspring and so, it is driven to copulate with as many women as possible. I would buy this “imperative” theory if we weren’t already in danger of running out of livable space and resources. And at some point in evolutionary history this seed-spreading behavior becomes dangerous to the survival of the species. So why does the behavior persist? And to get back to the particular, rather than the universal, I don’t personally know any man wanting offspring with any of his strange nookie. So where does this leave us? Back at the cocktail party with someone else’s husband hitting on me, or some other unlucky woman, for no good reason other than his little brain’s doing all the talking. And just so you men know, your little brain isn’t a great conversationalist.

The most famous case of the little brain running the show and strange nookie being the thing it wants most, is the case of one of my favorite past Presidents, William Jefferson Clinton. His behavior is just so damn typical of what can happen when a man lets his little brain do the big brain’s thinking. Maybe the only men who don’t behave this way with strange women are the men who behave this way with strange men. I’m not talking about men who identify themselves as gay or bisexual. I’m talking about the men who identify themselves as straight. They have wives and children to prove their straightness, but they like to have sex with men. Idaho Senator Larry Craig is the best known, currently, of this type of little brain behavior. These are men who risk everything for a little hot man-sex in the public toilets of airports and parks all over America. I live in Utah, and believe me, there are plenty of men who identify with, and feel Larry Craig’s pain, while living in their large Mormon families, their wives cranking out kids year after year, believing themselves straight as the day is long. Do the straight men they cruse feel like strange nookie? I wonder.