Thursday, June 26, 2008

A Bush By Any Other Name

I was supposed to be writing. You know, serious, real writing. After I finished, or thought I finished, The End of Love, one of the commenters wondered if I shouldn't put some meat on the bones of poor Junior. Then a new commenter, a man I'd never seen around these parts, suggested that I was awfully hard on the poor guy. Had Judith tried an intervention for Junior? Obviously one doesn't leave a dying drunk without trying everything to save him. Forget love, what about human compassion and kindness, and simple human decency. Junior? Really? Okay, let's give Junior's side of the story, or at least the early years or even just the first couple of months. That should set the stage for what comes later for Junior, right?

So I started, and it was interesting going for awhile looking at the world through Junior's eyes. But dammit, Junior doesn't really interest me that much anymore. I got over Junior pretty fast. I stepped over him on the way out the door. What got me interested again was when, in giving the back story on Junior, my focus turned to Judith, and what they hell was she thinking to leave her husband... Well, that's not hard to figure out. That's the problem with all of the Judith stories. What the hell was Judith thinking to end up with this schmuck? That's a big question for me. But I think now I know the answer. It's complicated psychological stuff. But to the outsider, it's a head smacking question. How could she end up with this guy??? Why did she do it? And then I got bored with her story, and went looking for diversion. So much for work.

I went to visit Dcup's where I'm always entertained, and challenged, or moved, and what did I find but a serious discussion of vaginas. Having had one all my life I thought I knew almost everything there was to know about the vagina, but I know so very little, it turns out. This might have been part of Judith's problem. She knew so little about her own vagina.

When I was little, it was called a twat. In my house I had heard someone refer to what I knew of the place I pee peed from as a twat. We lived in Texas. I guess that explains something, but I pronounced the word tock. So for my very early years it was my tock. As in tick tock. When I was in need of relieving my bladder it was my tock that needed attention--I knew nothing of bladders.

I think what started the interest in vaginas, as a subject at Dcups, was the revelation that there is a booming new business amongst the most famous and renowned plastic surgeons in Vaginal Reconstruction. This goes way beyond tending to the bush. This is much more than mere grooming. We're talking vaginal ideal. Think of that for a moment. VAGINAL IDEAL!!!! What does it look like, you might ask? Well it's small and pink and it's clit peeks out at you and probably winks and smiles. Open wide, but not too wide. Show pink. Like a nine year old. Apparently internet porn has made the fashionable pussy, the pussy that looks like a little girls. This creates lots of jobs. Since women of sex having age don't have little pink pussies. God for fucking bid that you've had a kid or three, it is this very motherfucking fact that creates this need for women who wax other women's twats. You need a housekeeper and a what!!? And if that wasn't bad enough, there is now the burning need for plastic surgeons to make them look virginal again. Well that's a relief. Create a need, and then the need creates a demand, and that creates the Specialists to fill the need. Capitalism at work. Isn't America a wonderful place.

P.S. Tomorrow will be my 200 post in six months of blogging. Scary, huh?


Unconventional Conventionist said...

I am a 7-Up queer. You know, never had it, never will.

I love women, but I'm just not going to and haven't slept with any women so I have nothing to say about the whole vagina thing. It would be stupid of me to do so.

But one overall comment about genitals:

You should just be glad that you have some. Really.

And your genitals are just fine the way they are, no matter what they do, or don't do for you. Or for anyone else.

They're your GENITALS fer crying out loud.

The funny thing about genitals is they are somehow more important then say, brains, you know, in having or not having them.

You got both, sister.

Utah Savage said...

I think I'd have traded my genitals any day for being taken for a woman with brains. My genitals just bore me now, but my brain... And a nice chianti?

Nan said...

I'm old enough to remember when the only thing the ideal vagina was supposed to be was "tight." Aesthetics didn't matter; being able to pretend the little woman had never given birth did. I'm sure most women much past the age of 40 can recall the bad old days when obstetricians would tell the men in their lives "don't worry about her having a baby; I'll stitch up her nice and tight." Talk about being treated like property!

I thought Lisa's post and the ensuing comments were amazing. It's such a great example of the wonders of the internet -- a nonjudgemental highly rational discussion about stuff that almost never gets discussed, but probably should be.

Anita said...

sorry i haven't been around utah. but now that i'm back at your place, guess i have to say something about my vadge. hmmm ... what to say.

hmmm. can't think of anything at the moment, other than it's there and ... well, hmmm. never had any complaints.

interesting comment from nan re the "tight" factor. it seems that all the "stars" are having their babies by c-section these days. i think it's partially because they have a "nip and tuck" right afterward so they can walk the red carpet like, the next day. but i think also that they are doing it because of "tight" concept. just a thought.

anyway, i also wanted to say i'm sorry to report that i don't think i'll be up to writing short stories any time soon. i've never been much a fiction writer, and then add to that the fact that i really DO want to kill my ex-boyfriend. i think it's best that i not engage that fantasy more than i already am.

if you know what i'm sayin'.


Madam Z said...

Great post, Utah! This subject is so crazy. Someone tells us (women) what we're "supposed to" look like and we practically kill ourselves to comply. We're SUPPOSED to be skinny, with big tits. No problem! We starve ourselves (or binge and purge) and get breast implants. We're SUPPOSED to have smooth skin, no matter how old we are, so we get botox (that's the BOTULISM GERM, PEOPLE!) injected into our faces to PARALYZE the muscles. And our twats are SUPPOSED to look like a nine-year-old's, so we go out and get FUCKING PLASTIC SURGERY ON THEM! JFC, WOMEN! I've been with lots of men in my life, and none of them have complained about my land down under. And if any of them had, I would have said, "FUCK YOU, MISTER, 'CUZ YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FUCK ME!"

Not that this subject makes me angry or anything...

Randal Graves said...

Unless you got your face ripped off by a crocodile, leave the plastic and silly putty off the flesh.

Or maybe we're underthinking all this, and there is a secret, silent, vast underground majority that are all big fans of the old Platonic notion of The Ideal but since all they had handy was the Cliffs Notes version, they got it all twisted. Et voilà, vaginal reconstruction and Preparation H for six-pack abs.

What a world.

Blueberry said...

"Tocks" is now slang for butts, at least over on Cute Overload (where most of the tocks are furry, and furry is good).

My cousin, who is over 60 but never seemed to stop being a child mentally, still says "down there where I go pee-pee," which is really very sad now, because she has cancer somewhere in that area, and she can't even tell me exactly what kind (uterine? cervical? vaginal?). I don't suppose it really matters though.

Big Yellow Forehead said...

You know I would just LOVE to write something deliciously wicked!

Stella said...

Yes, Utah, here's a vaginal rejuvination link. Women who have this procedure are in danger of suffering the same post-surgical trauma as women forced to have female castration (clitorectomy).

Disgusting beyond words. There's plenty more links like this.

Utah Savage said...

Randal, models also use Preparation H for the first incipient wrinkles--tiny little crows feet. This gets them through the season and the time it takes to make the appointment with the Botox pusher or the stergeon who will lazar them off or cut them away. Groovy huh? Is this what is meant by "Brave New World?" Is Huxley smiling in his grave or shifting angrily that we paid no attention?

Naj said...

The concept of plastic surgery is VERY common in Iran. Urban, upper middle class women, even lower middle class wanna be yuppies are ZEALOUS about making themselves look "ideal".

The nose operation is EPIDEMIC, because, genetically, we Iranians have really crooked noses, and sometimes they are huge too. To get plastically fixed is a badge of honor to wear in Iran. you will hear women who have gone back to operation room because their nose has looked "too natural" after operation!

The vaginal operation is also common. That is not as much aesthetic operation (although that happens too) but virginal operation. Women are supposed to be virgin before marrying, so, OBs make a good buck with virginal restorations!!

At the heart of this Iranian malaise, is a very subtle but romanticist ideology of "perfection". Whether it is in body, mind or soul, the culture PUSHES people to look like the ideal this or ideal that.

In the past, it was the spiritual acceleration that mattered. Now, it's material acceleration that matters most.

I find the idea of aesthetic surgery completely repulsive. I belong to the minority of Iranian women with an intact, albeit crooked nose, resisting my mother's wish to make me perfect under sculptor's knife!

Anita said...

naj, i didn't realize you were iranian. i was dating a guy a year or so ago who was iranian by birth but who moved to isreal after ouster of the shah. he now lives in the U.S. he never really told me what he did for living, he hinted that he became a member of the mossad after his stint in the navy, but i find that kind of hard to believe.

all that aside, one thing i found particularly sexy about him was his nose. it showed a great deal of character, in my opinion.

and in general, i think people should just leave there noses alone. i almost always find that people with "funny" noses are the most interesting people.

remember when the woman who starred in dirty dancing (jennifer gray) got her nose job? afterward, she looked so boring. plain. average. you never saw her on tv or the movies again.

Randal Graves said...

Heh heh, when I saw Jennifer Grey a few years ago, I didn't realize that was her until someone pointed it out to me. If you have a schazz worthy of Jimmy Durante, keep the fucker. Yay to Phidias, but who would want to look like his works? Yeesh.

Liberality said...

I hate that now there is another aspect of a woman's body that she has to worry about not being perfect and that has to be forever childlike. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

Ghost Dansing said...

drunks find enablers..... it is best she left him..... best thing for her to do.

Stella said...

Naj, the nose job is part and parcel of a larger issue: injecting botcholism (botox) to make the face look smooth; constructing breasts out of silicone so women can feel more desirable; liposuction to get rid of the cellulite... I can only say that the "perfection" issue through surgery is another way to keep women down and unable to accept themselves.

Society, across cultures, create a male-constructed epidemic to make women feel inferior. I can only guess that capitalistic cannibalism plays a part in all these surgeries. Not only OB-GYNs, but plastic surgeons, make a fortune.

I've heard about the "revigination" process, another fallcious instance that women must be chaste and pure when they marry and men can be as licentious as they please both before and after marriage. Why do we put up with this behavior? A long time ago, I wrote a post on female castration, a barbaric practice.

The ideal of perfection transmutes in different cultures, but speaks to an underlying misogyny. You are so right about spiritual vs. material acceleration.

Like you, I think plastic surgery is repulsive. You already are perfect, naj. Perfection is about the soul you're born with, not the scalpel that shapes you into a clone of everyone else that went under the knife.

Your comment hit a nerve. Through your words, naj, I already know you are a beautiful woman, as are all the women here.

Stella said...

Sorry, I think unconventional and the ever-wonderful randal are beautiful, too.


Utah Savage said...

Ghost is beautiful, too. Stella, when ghost first appeared he scared the crap out of me. Boy, was I wrong.

Stella said...

Hi Utah! Ghost IS beautiful, too. Only the best men hang around your blog.

This "perfection" thing really annoys me. However, it's happening to men, too. How many hair replacement ads have you seen? Welcome to our world, huh?

Utah Savage said...

I'm tempted to repost my aging Barbie pieces.

Pagan Sphinx said...

I love my twat. My mother called it a pee pee, so that's what I called it growing up. Twat is a more recent word I've begun using. An ex lover referred to my vagina as a twat but he said it so fondly, that I've been ok with it ever since.

It's bloody ridiculous that women want to fix their twats. Stupid.

Utah Savage said...

Hair restoration too, and then there all the products sure to give them an erection lasting almost four hour and ever ready for thirty six or something ridiculous like that. And hair color, did I mention that. men are getting all kinds of cosmetic stuff done. when they start groming their pubic hair, you'll know we've hit parity pay dirt.

Anonymous said...

Great post, Utah! And look at all these vadge-centric comments!

Seriously, I'm so disturbed that the constant message pushed at woman is "Something is wrong with you. Get fixed."

I'm glad my post sparked your imagination. I wish I knew why Judith ended up with Junior. It might explain why DCup has fallen for complete assholes, too. (MathMan excluded.)

Angry Ballerina said...

I think you have an addiction my dear!!!