Thursday, June 26, 2008

Crunchy Floor and Other Woes

Well, this is it, post number 200! And what a sad little post it will be. Prepare yourself for the crushing disappointment. But I think I see a bit of crepe paper and a new years horn and the sound of three hands clapping.

I'll start with the crunchy floor which might explain the broken toe, but that could be a stretch, since I have no recollection of an actual thing I stepped on with my morning bare feet, to race to the toilet to pee. I must have fallen asleep before emptying my bladder last night. So, in racing to the bathroom this morning, I broke my little toe of my left foot. Every injury to my ankle or foot has been this clumsy left foot. This is, at least, the third time I broke that damn left little toe. So the rest of the run was a hobble, accompanied by much moaning and swearing. And I keep retracing ,what I imagine, was my route through this small house--really only one big room, save for the bathroom greenhouse combo--more on that later. There are several possible toe breaking obstacles. I might take pictures to illustrate the hazards of cramming too much big furniture into a tiny space.

Then there is the situation of the recurring morning headache. (Fuck you Petro, I will not, so just shut up.) Before I can even sit all the way up I am grabbing the 800mg ibuprofen and opening my throat as wide as it will go, to swallow, with lots of stale, warm water, that first horse pill of the day. I'm beginning to think the morning migraine is a result of oxygen deprivation during the night because I have sleep apnea. And the solution to this problem is an oxygen tank in the closet. A few hits before bed, and a couple upon awaking. (Shut up you little bastard. I will not, will not, will not.) Anyway, I'm sitting on the toilet with a broken little toe and a roaring headache, and the floor is crunchy. That's for starters.

I don't remember if I told you this, but a couple of weeks ago or three, I had a sore middle finger... Ahh, it's coming back to me. I did write about it. Well, it might be karma after all. And it's definitely staph. And it's back! Same finger--left middle finger. That's the arm that you rest with your bent elbow out the open window, hand in the car. Just in case you need to flip someone off. Honestly I gave it up years ago. Oh, you have air conditioning? Well fuck me! I had no idea. My car was new in 1986. It had air conditioning then, heat too. But I digress. I'm thinking I should just go to the insta-care again, where three or four weeks ago I went to get it lanced, and where they got the culture to determine what kind of infection it was. Too convoluted for you? Well, try to keep up, please. You should have been able to tell from the title of this moan that you were in for a bit of complaining. You want artful complaining? You try it with a broken toe and a headache, and now the fucking swamp cooler is starting to overheat. I must get some small motor lube for it's two motors. Fuck me again. Maybe one of my neighbors has a bit they'll loan me. As I recall you put a bit of oil in all the little round holes in all those hard to reach places--which is why the handyman removed the entire motor prior to lubing last year, just before he told me he was retiring and stopped taking my calls. I do not remove it from is tight little space, but spray it's holes with WD 40, and listen to the growing whine. If the dog starts looking pained, I know it's starting to reach unbearably high pitch and about to burst into flame, and must be shut down for at least an hour. Well, a half hour is about all I can take today. On top of everything else it's a scorcher. Must I go on?

Vacuuming is out of the question.

19 comments:

FranIAm said...

Oh dear - a 200th post and many challenges.

I send you good thoughts my dear Utah!

Utah Savage said...

Yours were the two hands clapping? Oh I hope so. If not I could be hallucinating again. Now it just the very sad sound of one hand clapping. Oh well.

Pagan Sphinx said...

Morning headaches often slay me too. Mine are from neck and shoulder strain, pinched nerves, etc. Only significant doses of aspirin and caffiene works. And regular visits with Rob, the man with magic hands.

that's a whole lot to deal, there, Utah. Sending good thoughts your way.

Utah Savage said...

I have a appointment with my Nurse Practitioner Monday. Until then I will do as little as possible. Maybe vacuum. Keep the crunchy floor thing under control, or wear my flip-flops even in sleep.

DCup said...

Dang, what a day. But anything to get out of vacuuming.

Utah Savage said...

Dcup knows her older self too well.

D.K. Raed said...

Aw, if you can't complain about broken toes and headaches & staph and A/C on the fritz when it's so damn H-O-T, when WOULD you complain? (see it's kinda like Bush, if the impeachment clause is not gonna be used for him, when WOULD it be used?) ...

I spent last summer on the couch with a broken little toe. I complained long & loud. In fact, I became known as the toe bitch(er). Are you splint-bandaging yours? That & darvo got me through.

Congrats on the 200! You are a whirlwind of creativeness. I think I just crested 100 & I'm already worn out. ps, I'm gonna have to find out how the password thing works.

Utah Savage said...

DK, your story is up and I have left two comments. I just sent you an email. If that doesn't work, email Dcup. I have read the story several times and I like it more with each reading.

BBC said...

A crunchy floor, hum. I once dropped a big piece of iron on the big toe of my left foot, the nail isn't very pretty anymore.

Man, I haven't had a headache for years, it must be a pain in the butt to have them all the time.

I live in a very small place also, just one 12X16 foot room because I haven't gotten around to gutting out the rest of the place and redoing it. I have lots of storage though and the camper I moved here with is still serving as a kitchen.

No need for air conditioning here, never gets hot enough. The unit in my truck doesn't work and I'm not going to fix it even though I have the tools.

Those little motors, when they get old it often doesn't do much good to oil them anymore once the factory lube in the bushings goes away.

There is a Graingers in SLC and they have all sorts of motors at reasonable prices. Their catalog is over two inches thick and it's a great company to do business with.

My Kirby propels itself with just a light touch on the handle, thats cool. Mutter, mutter, gotta go.

BBC said...

Oh, and I like to vacuum, but I'm a strange little boy.

Beach Bum said...

Had my own version of a crunchy floor one time very early one morning. I got up to get a glass milk without wearing my glasses and walked into the kitchen. I was surprised to hear and feel something on the floor crunching as I made my way. Old childhood memories of a house in Texas that was infested with roaches came flooding back in mental fog. Needless to say I began humping around like I had lost my mind and in truth i guess I had. Once I got my glasses though I found out the crunch was spilled Sugar Puff ceral that either my son or daughter spilled earlier that night.

DivaJood said...

Congratulations on surviving the 200th post. Despite broken toes, staph infections and crunchy floors, that is. Oh, and just a word of caution - never flip anyone off on one of the Los Angeles free-ways - they might have a gun.

What's a swamp cooler?

And feel better, ice the toe.

Randal Graves said...

And ice the tea or whatever it is you all drink in Utah, especially if it's swampy.

Vacuuming isn't bad, it's the toilet and tub scrub that's murder.

Here's hoping tomorrow contains less suckitude.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

Oh no, woe is your toe!

Nan said...

Take good care of that finger. The toe may cause more pain right now, but staph can be a bitch to cure -- and you don't want to end up with generalized septicemia.

Utah Savage said...

I have received much good advise about taking care of my toe, and soaking my finger and yet, here I sit, legs crossed, every bit of weight on my broken toe, and as long as I'm writing or reading you guys, I feel no pain. See what a comfort you are?

Stella said...

LOL, unconventional! Utah, seriously, I'm so sorry about your toe. Ouch, that hurts just reading about it!

I'm NOT sorry about your rant about Putrid.

Migranes are horrid, but I've discovered Excedrin Migrane, and they seem to work fine. My migranes were so awful when I was younger, I injected myself with Imitrex—the pills never worked. Anyone who has migranes knows why. My empathy goes out to all of us sufferers.

Your post reminds me of my favorite quote, "God did not put me on this earth to do housework." The top of my "hate to do list" is dusting and laundry.

Feel better, dear Utah.

Dr. Zaius said...

I hope that your toe feels better soon. No vacuuming! It's too noisy, scares the kitty.

Mauigirl said...

Congratulations on the 200th post and sympthies on the broken toe. For the middle finger? Cipro!