Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Would I Marry Me?

Hell no, I would not marry myself. I'd be awful and have expectations. I'd be critical and impatient. I'd bitch and moan that I was not doing my share of the work. I'd criticize myself about my poor skills as a cook and housekeeper. I'd want me to be better with money, to own and know how to use a chain saw, to be able to install another outlet in the bathroom and fix the drippy faucet in the kitchen sink. I'd say things like, "It was nice you finally decided to do the laundry, but couldn't you have taken the few extra minutes to fold it and put it away?" I'd eventually divorce myself.

So what made me think about the prospect of being married to myself? It was Lisa. It's her fault.

17 comments:

themom said...

I'm with you - I would definitely DIVORCE myself. As for the question. You shouldn't be missing out on your share of Tarp funds. If you get a pension or retirement monies - the withholding is now less - so there is more money to "spend" now.

Utah Savage said...

I have no pension, no retirement moneys. I'm disabled and on the lowest social security payment possible. I pay property taxes. So if I don't owe, does it matter that I'd be filing late? Last time they were giving money back to the very poor the IRS sent me the very simplist of forms and even I could fill it out. I got $300. Nothing to sneeze at when your as poverty stricken as I. The only good thing about being poor is I'm used to it. I feel sorry for people with good jobs who've lost them--it will be a rude shock to them to find themselves poor.

Lemmy Caution said...

I would marry me. Not for the money mind you (there is none), just for the hot sex and impressive movie collection. I'd still make myself sign a pre-nup, just for the helluva it and to confuse a lawyer.

Utah Savage said...

I'm betting a lot of men would marry themselves for the hot sex mainly. Your impressive movie collection would just be the icing on the cake.

Lemmy Caution said...

"Don't knock masturbation, its sex with someone I love" - Woody Allen

darkblack said...

Well, it would certainly be an arrangement where 'go f*ck yourself' would be a term of alluring endearment.

I don't think I'd marry me - I'm not the marrying kind.


;>)

Utah Savage said...

I have toppled more than one relationship with that charming rejoinder, and "Go fuck yourself" was not thought endearing.

Rastamick61 said...

I know I would at least be able to make me laugh and enjoy my cooking which is pretty damned good. Yeah I'd keep myself, gut, gray hairs and all. Shit imagine some of the ashole guys out there I could be stuck with, as if.....

Liberality said...

The comments on this post had me laughing.

Utah I'm sorry you don't get very much money. I don't think that's fair. Since I have to pay more taxes I'd like more to go to you and people like you and less going to those CEO's and the companies they put in the toilet.

Randal Graves said...

I'd marry myself since I'm low maintenance.

SarahA said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! What a concept.Oh my!Would I marry me? Would I marry a crazy/mad girl? *whispers* no!

Tengrain said...

Hell yeah, I'd marry me. But then again I always dated upwards.

Regards,

Tengrain

Utah Savage said...

Well, the vote is in, Men would marry themselves and women would not marry themselves. This bares closer scrutiny. Why are we women so hard on ourselves? I will have to ponder this for a later post.

yellowdog granny said...

HELL, we'd have a shoot out within 20 minutes..

Kulkuri said...

If I married myself, would that be a same-sex marriage??

I heard that everyone on Social Security would get an additional $250 this year as part of the stimulus package.

Lisa said...

You're welcome. Wasn't that a shitter of a question our therapist made us ask ourselves? Honestly - does he not get that I want him to make me FEEL better?

I love the comments in this thread!

PENolan said...

Actually, I probably would marry myself. I'm loyal, passionate, considerate, empathetic and a good housekeeper and cook. My kid is grown, I have my own money and a good day job. It's sort of irrelevant, however, since I can't seem to get a date - which brings us back to smoking weed and masturbation. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday Night, but still . . .