Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My Girlfriend Knows How To Do Lunch My Way

First we got the little dogs together for some exhausting sex. I keep trying to take pictures of this fun, but they are so athletic in their amore that all I get is a brown and black blur. They are now developing a new language of love--songs that are increasingly multi-tonal. I need to find out how to use the video camera part of my big fancy digital camera. One of the very funny things they do is whirl in a circle attached to one another's ears. Then Marley grabs one of her many bedraggled Mr Doodies and cuddles him as Segundo humps her from behind. Their special threesome. Then Marley chases him around the yard at breakneck speed until he gives up and hides in the vinca for a minute. When he reappears she runs at him full speed and tackles him. You can actually hear it when she knocks the wind out of him. If he seems to be slowing down, she throws herself down, spreads her legs and rolls her eyes at him. This never fails to work. I'm taking notes.

My friend T. brings the hubby's really good weed and we get very blasted before we leave on our appointed rounds. She tosses back a couple of beers and we're on our way. First stop is The Grove Market where we are looking for Roland's Pineapple chili sauce. No luck, but they're willing to order it for us. Then we hit the Utah State Liquor Store where I buy bourbon, gin and vodka. I don't drink, but I am a very good hostess. Then we head for the Utah State Wine Store where I buy a bottle of Rainwater Madeira, and a bottle of Sandman medium dry sherry. I am now stocked for the rest of the year. Probably several years in the Sherry department. I keep beer in my fridge for her, as her husband is a controlling prick (my words not hers) and counts her empties. I tell her to start counting the pipes he sucks away of the real expensive smoke, but she thinks it's all so petty, she won't tell him to go fuck himself with the beer counting. She may drink a lot of beer, but she always looks and sounds quite sober, but exceptionally fun and funny. So I keep beer here for her, and she brings Segundo over for sex with Marley. Works for me.

Our last stop before the restaurant was the smoke shop by the American Legion Hall. I buy the occasional carton of Carlton Menthol 100s there. Only good smoke shops carry them. They are expensive but very satisfying. While she sits in the car and has another beer, I stand in front of the smoke shop and smoke. Then we're off to La Macarena Cafe in Ivy Place shopping mall. It's the only Mexican restaurant I ever want to go to. The food is great and inexpensive. There is never another gringo in the place. Everyone in the place is speaking Spanish. The TV is on a Mexican soap opera. I feel like I'm on vacation. Oh there are some very well reviewed Mexican restaurants in town, but they're full of white people eating very expensive Americanized Mexican food. Fuck that! I want the food Mexicans love. So it's always La Macarena for us. So far we have kept La Macarena a secret, but if I have Salt Lake readers I've blown that now. We eat a leisurely late lunch. I always have the combo with two Chiles Riellenos, beans, rice, and guacamole. We pound back their chips and salsa. The chips are made there and taste like no other. The salsa is fresh and hot. Ummm. T. drinks a beer, I drink ice cold water. We eat until we're about to bust and then we come home about 5:00, and I plop down on my bed for some serious news watching. I taped CSpan's coverage of the Sotomayor hearings. First Pat, then Keith, then Rachel, then a peaceful evening of CSpan and the remote in my hand. I think I'm turning into a guy. Oh, I forgot. I'd be watching porno this evening if I were a guy living alone, doing what I rally want to do.

Sorry, no photos. I forgot to take my camera. Next time. I promise.


PENolan said...

Dang - after hearing about your lunch, I want to go to Texas and get something to eat. There's no Mexican food up here to speak of. The Mexicans certainly won't eat it.

Utah Savage said...

Hahaha. If I go to a Mexican restaurant and it isn't full of Mexican people shoveling it in, I'm not eating there. The only English I want to hear spoken is mine and my friends, and we order in Spanglish. What a treat.

darkblack said...

You youngsters and your carefree work-avoidant ways.

'...bourbon, gin and vodka. I don't drink, but I am a very good hostess."

What, no rum? Tsk.


quin browne said...

i've tried to block the one utah state liquor store out of my memory.

sadly, it remains.

i always swore they took your photo when you went in... and posted it somewhere.

Utah Savage said...

Darkblack darling, I will now have to post a piece about my history with hooch. It's long and sordid. Just the sort of thing I like to write about.

Quin how nice to see you. When did you live in this hell hole? And roughly where? Now I'm really interested. Someone who understands what living in this theocracy can do to a woman.

Anonymous said...
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Randal Graves said...

One dog to the other: hey baby, let's do it human style.

Thank you, thank you.

themom said...

Which is better...the post or Randal's comments??? Both are terrific.

Lisa said...

Can you believe it? MathMan and I had a $25 gift certificate to the local smoke shop. I won it as part of a raffle.

We went a couple of nights ago to redeem it and as I stood and breathed in deeply to capture all the cigar smoke, and looked longingly at the Dunhills and Djarum clove cigarettes, MathMan looked at wine stoppers.

We left smelling of vanilla and honey smoke from someone's pipe, a crystal wine stopper and nothing else in hand.

I'm glad you had fun. I WISH you'd taken photos (she nagged).

Sherry said...

; )

Utah Savage said...

Sherry it was that fun!

Sherry said...

pennsylvania has state stores AND beer distributors.

can't buy in regular stores.
have to make it to 2 different stores for hard stuff and beer.

how big brother is that?

Utah Savage said...

Sounds like Utah and Pennsylvania are related. Backward. Think how much money is wasted in needless car trips to the State store. Think of all the greenhouse gasses going into the atmosphere by road trips for booze. I have limited storage, but I still stock up to avoid needless trips.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

great. now I crave rellenos. really bad. and ice cold beer. guess I'll have to break out the maseca and get busy. the biggest problem is finding a good substitute here for mexican cheese.

your day sounded splendid. when you come visit me, I 'll have the good smoke waiting for you, too!