Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Responding to a Tisking

Darkblack darling, I didn't buy rum at the Utah State Liquor store today because I'm well stocked in rum. I also have odd things like a fifth of Pernod, a couple of inches left in a bottle of Wild Turkey Liqueur regifted to me by a man who obviously didn't think much of me because he obviously hated it. I offered him a glass every time I saw him. (I had a girlfriend in my modeling group of friends who was an alcoholic. She is probably the one who consumed the better part of this vile concoction when I ran out of everything else.) The only use I've ever found for it is in a barbeque sauce. I have things like vermouth for Martinis and Schnapps for hot chocolate. I have Sweet n Sour for Whiskey Sours. I have cocktail onions for Gibsons. I have olives for Martinis. I make a great Dirty Martini or a great Dry Martini. I can make a very fine Old Fashioned. I even have the right glasses for most things. But in the olden days when I drank, I liked my George Dickle neat. I liked my Laphroaig neat. I liked my Bombay Saphire Martinis straight up with two olives. And the best Old Fashioned I ever had was served to me in the bar of the Miramir hotel on the ocean side as you're driving into Santa Barbara from LA just before you get to Montecito.

I was trained by a mixologist named Bill Bailey. I was replacing him. He was retiring as head bartender at a little French restaurant and great piano bar in, of all places, Springfield, Mo. He was an exacting teacher. I could free pour a jigger of anything without measuring it. And I memorized his recipes. I still have my jigger, though I still don't need to use it. I have a shaker, a pourer, a waiter's pal, I can open a bottle of wine the old fashioned way. So when you come to visit me, know that I'll mix you a very nice cocktail or share a very good smoke. One could say I'm an enabler. I like to think of myself as hospitable. So when are you coming?

18 comments:

Thorne said...

Well... I don't drink anymore either. See, I'm allergic to alcohol. I break out in spots-- Las Vegas, Tijuana... >.< So how 'bout you make me a nice virgin margarita?? I still like the tang ans the salt on a pretty glass.

Freida Bee, MD said...

recovering alcoholic here, too, but I do so love being enabled nonetheless. I'll be there at 11.

The Peach Tart said...

Utah you have all my favorite brands. Wish I was closer to Utah and I'd surely be there to visit and enjoy one of your cocktails. I'd bring YOU food this time since you are always doing the cooking for everybody else.

Gail said...

Hi Utah-

I like wine(s). Whites in the Spring and Summer and reds in the Fall and Winter. Your collection of alcohol types sounds interesting AND your mixology skill admirable. :-)

Love you
Gail
peace......

Utah Savage said...

Thome, I never had that problem, I just wake up with a real bad headache. However one virgin cocktail is better than a headache. I can't drink because of all the drugs on board.

Freida Bee, Isn't it nice to know a good enabler? I love the photo of you. You all seem to be getting very grown up while I just stay the same. Gemini's seem to be constantly changing but clinging to one little piece of security blankie.

Peach Tart, name the day.

Gail, wine give me such a headache. But I completely forgot the wine. Except for the Madeira and the Sherry.

Randal Graves said...

What do you have against Busch, you commie?

Dean Wormer said...

I didn't think I could like you more until I read this post. You are talking a language I love - mixology.

Although I'm an amateur and bow to your greatness.

Utah Savage said...

Randal, Dean, nice to see you gents. I was never a real beer drinker, so I buy the beer my beer drinking buddy likes. Happily for me is fairly cheap.

Dean, I'd love to mix a cocktail for you.

themom said...

Now I know who to contact if I need advice on concocting various drinks. I don't know sh*t when it comes to ingredients. I stick to my appletini's and cafe' zin.

Utah Savage said...

Appletini's are out of my league. I was trained by a very traditional mixologist. Strictly old school. You are a "new woman." Doesn't that make you feel special? Just know that it makes me feel old.

Utah Savage said...

I've been thinking about it and I am an enabler. It's probably one of my best traits and one of my worst traits. How do I reconcile this character flaw? I am a gemini. I am bipolar. I am a monkey. How could I not be an enabler? All the female alcoholics I've know were a lot of fun. All the male alcoholics I've know were just drunks. Why is that?

At least I am a compliant patient as a woman with lots of doctors. There's that.

Lisa said...

I'm on my way. I like my vodka martinis just like I like my women. Very, very dirty.

Utah Savage said...

The party's on! I'll put on my red lipstick and my sexiest shoes.

Mauigirl said...

Nothing like a real cocktail, sounds great.

I was quite the consumer of alcohol for a long time until I got oral cancer. Quit drinking for four years and then realized life just isn't as much fun without at least SOME alcohol. So I'm back to wine, but not anywhere near as much. I miss the cocktails - am trying to limit myself...

darkblack said...

What a splendid resume as host you have presented, Utah. It's refreshing to see a classic skill set retained.
At the moment, I'm unsure of my status in your country...Some youthful indiscretions viewed through modern realities. Tsk upon myself.

;>)

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see a decent bottle of gin amongst'em. What will there be for MEEEEE? (she whined).

Utah Savage said...

Oh darling. I bought Gin at the State Liquor store along with bourbon, and vodka. I have Tequila, and Rum. I think I have the bases covered. I even have tonic, ginger ale, coke, sparkling water, limes and an organic lemon. I have maraschino cherries and oranges too. Really, we're ready to boogie.

Utah Savage said...

I have bitters too.