Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Let's Imagine the Perfect Tenant For Me

First thing comes to my mind is a gay couple.  That would be ideal.  Or a man who can do things.  A man who knows how to change a furnace filter or insulate the attic.  I'm not crazy about the idea of the young. I know that's ageist... But god dammit I'm sick of dealing with naughty children.  I'd like someone who really liked the very old house that doesn't have a dishwasher but has a great back yard, the patio, the hammock, the shade, flowers, great neighbors, off street parking for two cars.  And it's the best little neighborhood in the city.  A real locally owned coffee house, The Coffee Garden.  There are good restaurants and Salt Lake's first art theatre, The Tower, where I rolled around naked with my first boyfriend who worked there after school.  I was thirteen. Nearly.  But I digress.

Where were we?  Any suggestions?  He or they could have cats but it would be best if they were inside cats.  It's a doggy world back here.  So, these new and wonderful tenants will love my dogs.  And because of the dogs and the hardwood stairs, I think the house isn't child friendly.  I grew up in it and if my parents hadn't lived there it might have been lovely. The neighborhood has improved since they died. But I digress.


Spadoman said...

Let's see, that picture you use as an avatar has a cigarette dangling out of the corner of her mouth. That be you? Then you wouldn't mind a handy guy who likes cigars. I could see him sitting out by that fire pit on a home made Adirondack chair puffing away.
And since he's an older man, he'd talk you out of a lot of those chore things that come up. Sure, changing light bulbs and a little painting is fine, but insulation? Call the man and have those young ones come in, do the work, get paid and move on. Us older types know what we can and can't do and the real cost of things.
Speaking of cigars, over at my place there is a post about an auction for a good cause that's going on. All the art is made from cigar boxes. Go to Round Circle and have a look if you care to.
By the way, I make the Adirondack chairs, I'm handy that way. Too bad I don't need a place, sounds like yours is right up my alley.


Tessa said...

If I were letting any part of my property, I would definitely look for a gay couple. An older person would appreciate what sounds like a heavenly situation, as you describe it, but I think someone older might be high maintenance. I would jump at it, if I were in the market.

Utah Savage said...

Spadoman, Are you sure you don't want to relocate?

Tessa, so, just how do I go about finding a nice gay couple?

Keith Simerson said...

Hell Utah, that's a pretty good pitch. If you wasn't 2000 miles away and I was looking for a place I'd love to check your rental pad out. I'd be very quiet and take real good care of the place. Of course there is my little attachment to gargoyles, puppets, and monsters that might get a little eerie for you. But other than that, I, once upon a time, used to help my step dad out with maintaining his 40+ units which damn near drove him and me over the edge. I can sympathize with you more than you know.

Nan said...

If only you didn't live in Utah . . . because it sounds ideal for an older couple, semi-retired, where one person is handy and the other would be perfectly happy with a comfy chair, shade, and a stack of books.

The perfect tenant would be someone who paid the rent promptly, had brains enough not to create maintenance headaches, and recognized just how lucky they were to find a great old house to live in. Don't think gender or age enter into it much because slobs and idiots can be any age or sex.

Cleveland Bob said...

You'll find some new tenants that are better suited to your tastes aren't such irresponsible tools. I just know it. Try Craigslist...

As for doggies, there are fewer better companions for us humans than our canine friends. Your pups are tres adorable!

Judy Weir said...

I'm not sure what they let you put in the want ads in Utah, but in Seattle I've seen ads that say "prefer gay/lesbian couple" (which I take to mean that they REALLY just want gay/lesbian roomates, no breeders), and that is about as direct as you can get.
You should also let people know you are "herb friendly" ;)
Happy 420!

La Belette Rouge said...

Your babies are sooooo cute!

Utah Savage said...

Keith, I'm not averse to gargoyles. Do you have your own power tools? I was going to say, I'm quiet, but that's not the same as reclusive is it?

Nan, nice job on describing the perfect tenant. The problem is these kids sold me a line of bullshit. They were so eager, so enthusiastic about the place. And they were dishonest about the behavior of one of their dogs. I didn't want to rent to anyone with dogs. So I might not be very good at detecting bullshit. I'm having a friend do the initial screening.

Bob, my dogs are adorable, aren't they. But the big yellow lab doesn't like men, or rather most men. He doesn't like the new guy or the new guys friends. He treats them as intruders. So his bullshit detector is working fine.

Judy, I took the information sheet on the house to the Unitarian Church and to the Pride Center where I was treated very well. They have a message board.

LBR, they are aren't they.

Elizabeth said...

I would like to rent it in four years when I retire. Would you accept 3 Boston Terriers?

PENolan said...

Mercury comes out of Retrograde on May 11th, which will make life a little easier for Geminis.

Lesbians are often very handy around the house. There must be a local GLBT community newspaper where you can place an ad - even in Utah.