Thursday, January 5, 2012

Happy Fiftieth Anniversary Tom

I know I'm late in writing this, but I've had to think about it. It's still incomplete.

We began our relationship fucking like bunnies. Glad I wasn't the fertile kind. We spent our fiftieth anniversary talking quietly about politics and family. I remember once in our on again/ off again relationship suggesting that if we were still together ten years later, we get married. Thank god we never did that. We probably wouldn't be half so happy to see each other now.

I've been wondering how many times I left you. Was it fifty? I got so good at it when we lived up Emigration Canyon I could bag all my possessions in minutes and leave while you were reading the paper or playing the guitar. I imagined the only sign you had I was leaving was the screech of my tires as I peeled out of the driveway.  I hadn't been diagnosed bipolar then, but I certainly was. I did try to talk to you about the things missing from our relationship that made me so desperately unhappy, but you didn't really hear me. Or if you did, you didn't seem to care.

The best thing you did for me was give me the confidence to inhabit my body, to enjoy my sexuality.

The worst thing you did was not being receptive to reading what I wrote. You once read a letter I wrote to you and your only comment was, "nice handwriting." What a condescending fuck you were. It's only now, now that you're so far away and the words are printed for everyone else to read, you read me. And yet, I was your audience...  Of course you're talented.  Of course I loved hearing you play. You are the best.  But why couldn't you read me?  The lack of reciprocation was ...  still is ...  painful.

But of course I love you.  You are more my family than any member of my "real" family every was.  I will always love you.  I will always want to see you when you're near.  Happy Anniversary Tom.

5 comments:

Jerry Critter said...

Love can be complicated.

said...

burberry bolsas
chanel bolsas
chloe bolsas
sac louis vuitton 2012
louis vuitton soldes
sac louis vuitton soldes
sac louis vuitton
porte cles louis vuitton
boucle chanel
dior bolsas
sac dolce gabbana
sac guess 2012
sac gucci
tee shirts armani hommes
tee shirts burberry femmes
tee shirts chanel femmes
sac guess
dolce gabbana bolsas
burberry tasche
chanel tasche
fendi bolsas
Christian Louboutin Soldes
Christian Louboutin 2012
chaussures Christian Louboutin
gucci bolsas
guess bolsas
dior tasche
sac a main
lunettes de soleil
chaussures louis vuitton
porte cles chanel
bracelet louis vuitton

said...

burberry bolsas
chanel bolsas
chloe bolsas
sac louis vuitton 2012
louis vuitton soldes
sac louis vuitton soldes
sac louis vuitton
porte cles louis vuitton
boucle chanel
dior bolsas
sac dolce gabbana
sac guess 2012
sac gucci
tee shirts armani hommes
tee shirts burberry femmes
tee shirts chanel femmes
sac guess
dolce gabbana bolsas
burberry tasche
chanel tasche
fendi bolsas
Christian Louboutin Soldes
Christian Louboutin 2012
chaussures Christian Louboutin
gucci bolsas
guess bolsas
dior tasche
sac a main
lunettes de soleil
chaussures louis vuitton
porte cles chanel
bracelet louis vuitton

qifei2012 said...

Some sort of 'microsoft Office' the year Electric power place, routine co-authoring features office 2010. As a result of co-authoring abilities, plenty of many people might possibly effectively cure the same party without having interfering with every different other's perform, not at all one self connect, as a result simplifying the fact that collaborative technique
Microsoft Office 2010 Download. Milliseconds SharePoint Device In 2010 'microsoft Office' 2010 substantial Ms powerpoint, Office the new year, Microsof company text this year combined with Microsoft windows OneNote The revolutionary time details co-authoring expertise
Microsoft Office 2010.
Office 2010 Download

Javed said...

Very useful info. Hope to see more posts soon!
Car Accident Lawyer
Utah Car Accident Lawyer
Car Accident
car accident injury
Lawyers in Utah