Monday, June 2, 2008

Beware The Flipping of The Bird

My heinous mother taught me many wondrous things when I was very young. How to swear in the most offensive way possible--mostly employing the F-bomb creatively. How to smoke a cigarette like a lady, how to mix the basic cocktails, and how and when to flip the bird. All of this when I was five. I made many adults laugh, cringe, and say "thank you my dear," when I handed them their highball. These early lessons were never unlearned. But I'm beginning to think there might be payback for the bird flipping I employed so effectively on the road. I gave it up once some guy pulled a gun on me from his glovebox as I passed him doing eighty five in a fifty mile zone. But now I have just returned from the nearest Insta-Care where my middle finger was lanced to relieve an abscess of unknown origin. The only good thing I have to report about this experience is the great drugs they prescribed to alleviate the pain this dark red swollen middle digit has caused me. But once that guy pulled his pistol and aimed it at my head as I sped past on his left side, I decided to forgo the momentary pleasure this gesture provided. I don't scream "Fuck You, Moron," anymore, except at home when watching "news" events. So, since I gave up flipping the bird long ago, could this abscess be karmic payback?

20 comments:

Unconventional Conventionist said...

No, it's not karmic payback.

It's karmic tiredness since you mentally use it incessantly. :)

Utah Savage said...

Dear Mr. Unconventional, You know me so well. How is that possible? I have never told a soul how often I mentally flip them off. Mind reader. Motherfucking mind reader. Oops. I did it again. I hear Chris Matthews calling me to a royal cursing out.

Dusty said...

Karma...I do believe in it...sometimes ;p

But if your Karmic Payback is the abcess, think of what Sharon Stone said last week about the Earthquake in China...thats one HELLUVA payback.

Utah Savage said...

Poor Sharon, I wonder where her abscess will be?

Ghost Dansing said...

pretty much definitely karma......

Dusty said...

Christ..it's abscess. I hate when I don't spell check my shit.

Forgive me Ms. Savage?

Sharon won't get the abscess, she is too rich and too haughty to get such a thing. ;p

goodnevilguy said...

It is hard to find a picture of me in the military that I wasn't flipping the photog off. If it had been bad karma, my whole damn arm would be missing. I think that you are in the clear, karmally-speaking (is that a real word?)

Naj said...

lol

Vigilante said...

Nothing personal, but:

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I learned how to do this at SwiftSpeach. If you have a problem with it, take it up with Stella.

Vigilante said...

I'm not hiding behind a skirt, but she DID put me up to it!

Blueberry said...

With a smile

Utah Savage said...

Blueberry, Willie and I have much in common. We are human, old, and flippin' pot smokers

DivaJood said...

my cousin told me not to flip anyone off whilst driving in Los Angeles. They might have guns and would happily blow my head off of my alabaster shoulders.

Colonel Colonel said...

My favorite karmic moment on the subject.

Liquid said...

Hell no.

Take two of those fun pills, pull up a chair to your front window, open the curtians and flip everyone who passes by ...... off!

Hell........I think I'll join you today!

Will "take no prisoners" Hart said...

So, when did you start smoking pot - five and a half? LOL Me, I didn't even get drunk till I was 17. Talk about a wuss, huh?

Randal Graves said...

If there was such a thing as karma, Bush and Cheney would have very horrible things done to them after they left office that kept them alive for years and years in constant and soul-destroying pain and misery. But they'll be counting their greenbacks. Well, they'll have underpaid minions counting them.

Stella said...

LOL, vig! That came from 44. If you wanna go retro, visit ASCII art.

Um, let me try one... hope this works...

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Stella said...

Sorry, one more, and then I give up...



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cathouse teri said...

I flipped the bird to a driver only once in my life. It caused such a flow of rage to fill me, that I decided uncontrolled indulgence in that emotion was not a good plan for me.