Monday, April 27, 2009

Creeping Depression

Well, this morning I put in a call to my shrink for an appointment. So I wait for a call-back to set up a time. I seem to be slipping into a depression like a warm bath on a cold day. Yes, sometimes sleepiness feels good, especially if you have nothing pressing to do. Taking care of Cyrus is one job I don't neglect, but Cyrus, if he had a shrink, would probably be categorized as a depressed dog. And why not? Cyrus spent his first 9 years in a "shelter" mostly kenneled with a dog run. This would account for his inclination to always pee in one place and poop in one place not far from where he pees. I have never seen this behavior in another dog, so I'm speculating the kennel and dog run were his world. According to what Cyrus' Vet and I can tell from his behavior (completely content to doze beside my bed most of the day) he is happy here. But if this is happy, sad must have been terrible. He is now living on borrowed time, as am I. We seem to be two peas in a pod.

I plan to let myself do what I'm inclined to do--nap. A nap for the depressed could be round the clock sleep, waking only to go to the bathroom. I've had my usual two big mugs of coffee and milk. It has not made the slightest difference in my inclination to go back to sleep. And yard work is out of the question for me today. I just don't care that I have plenty to do. It's plenty to do that will either get done this year or will wait till next year.

When I met Ricardo I wanted to have a birthday party to introduce him to friends. But since Ms M has no interest in getting to know him, other than money, I have nothing to offer him. He doesn't seem to be terribly motivated by money. He seems far more interested in getting to know Ms M. I think it would be hard to find a better man, but romance is a mysterious emotion. You either feel it or you don't.

Now I have no interest in a birthday party. I've decided to pass. I've also decided to go back to bed. I have no appetite. That's nice. No appetite means no effort to come up with something tasty. I ate a banana. I will not starve. I'll take some vitamins and call it good.

And I won't be doing much visiting blogs today, since I hear the sirens call of sleep.

23 comments:

La Belette Rouge said...

I am so sorry. I know a good bit about the black dog of depression and I hate when he visits. Calling the skrink is a good place to start to get that black dog off your lap. Hug Cyrus, you both deserve to feel the warmth and love.

I hope that your sleep and your dreams restore you.
Huge hugs and love.
xoxo

Liberality said...

At least go get a cot or lawn chair and go lay out in the sun. The suns rays will change your biochemistry and it may derail an onset of full fledged depression. After all, depression is a biochemical event.

And yes, what the sweet redhead says too. Get a support system for yourself. Take care.

Utah Savage said...

Sadly it's been raining for several days. Today the sun is shining, but it's cold as hell. But Lib, I know you're right about the sun. However once a bipolar depression takes hold, no matter how much you know about depression, it has it's way with you.

The Crow said...

Bless your heart, that really sucks! Hope you pull back up out of the pit soon.

Steve said...

Sending good thoughts your way

HarrySTruman2 said...

.. May peace and Good thoughts come your way.

Beach Bum said...

Try finding one of those kids punching bags with Cheney's face on it. Just a thought.

Ghost Dansing said...

rock boppin' baby

Unsolved: Mr. E's Blogspot said...

Hey Utah.

Just a morning, night time, whenever
Hello.

I feel ya. In my own way.

Peace. Cuddle with your pup, Cyrus.

and I'm serious here: take him outside and pee (poop too if you can) outside with him and he might get a whole new sense of the proper potty etiquette.

Peace Love Happiness Forever Everywhere

themom said...

I honestly do not know much about depression. I do know my doctor has tried to give me anti-depressants several times and I refuse. But you know yourself better than anyone. We are here for you when the sun shines again. I love the sun and it's cathartic results. Rest well.

Lisa said...

What a dark feeling you're having. I hope that it passes soon. I'm here visiting you and loving your photographs and want you to be well. I know, how selfish of me.

Does it help to know that MathMan and I say really nice things about you when we ride in the car together?

Utah Savage said...

Well, Lisa, it might help if you did the webcam thingy and only talked about me, especially if it was that sexy Mathman saying provocatively sexy nice things about me.

Lisa said...

I believe that could be arranged. I mean, he says provocatively sexy and nice things about you already. We just need to record them.

darkblack said...

Oh, so talking sexy and provocative helps pull you out of the clutches?

OK - Tell that black dog to cut that shit out, you naughty hottie.

;>)

susan said...

I hope you allow yourself the time to recover your energy. Liberality may have the right idea about resting in sunshine. Cyrus might like it too with some company to share the light and scents of spring.

Take care and know you're loved.

fudgelady said...

My appointment is today. Good for you for setting up yours.

All my napping is fun, I guess, but I'm not getting a damn bit of work done. And my meds are supposed to do two things but aren't doing either.

My interim solution (when I can straggle awake) has been to get my butt out in nature every chance I get.

I hope you get that appointment ASAP. If they don't call you in the morning, call and bug them.

Take care.

sunshine said...

The only time I've suffered from any serious depression was after my last baby was born. Before that I was honestly arrogant enough to believe that people with depression were only looking for attention. Hmmmm.... Now I know differently.
I'll say a prayer and send good thoughts. Hopefully this will pass quickly for you!
Take care of yourself and that sweet pup! :)
((Hugs))
Laura

Randal Graves said...

If you have the black dog, listen to some Black Dog. That'll cure anything.

Kulkuri said...

We had an Irish Setter once that had been raised in an apartment in Chicago and the owners would lock it in the bathroom when they left the apartment. She would shit on the floor and then move a few feet and lie down. We never did completely break her of that habit even tho we lived in the country where there was lots of space for her to run around.

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

I am so sorry you are depressed & such a sweet dog. I hope you & Cyrus feel better tomorrow. Sleep well.

fudgelady said...

Utah, thanks for your note!

Had my appointment this morning -- she says it's time for the big "L."

The journey continues...

yellowdog granny said...

be depressed out side in the sun...least you'll get a tan.

Rita said...

Savage, I used to have a toy poodle that terrorized anyone that came in my house. BUT, he licked my tears when I was in that horrible black hole of depression. I couldn't eat and turned into a skeleton. Unless people have gone through depression they can't have any idea of the pain. Thank God I have a good shrink and I FINALLY obey him. 'Course, I had to talk out the dirty laundry, too. So glad I found your site.