Seize These Bastard's Assets

From the New York Times:
This link gives you all the CEO's of the entities we have bailed out so far, and the amount of their bonuses and golden parachutes. If you or I had a business and ran it badly, would we get bailed out? I want someone to explain to me why these bastards are rewarded for their failures. Not just failures, but failures that are putting our entire economy at risk, our future as a nation at risk. If you know the answer to this question, please tell me.

Not So Funny Money

Cash For Trash is the title of the op-ed piece written by Paul Krugman today in the New York Times. It speaks for itself.

Krugman was on Keith Olbermann tonight trying to explain why giving anyone in the Bush administration total control over roughly a trillion dollars in tax payer money, borrowed from China and other big stakes holders in our adventure in Iraq with no oversight and no recourse to remedy if it's merely stolen, lets say, for instance, is a really, really, colossally bad idea. Henry Paulson has come up with a three page plan outlining how we the people don't need to know how this trillion is going to actually be spent to prop up a bunch of crooks and liars in the failed financial industry. And oh, don't worry, trust us, we know what we're doing, so there can be no legal remedy if we fuck you over once again. Why not? We have fallen for the neocons fucktardary before. Maybe we really are that dumb.

I sure as hell hope our elected Representatives are not that damn dumb, but I've been wrong again and again betting on the Democrats in Congress to block this kind of crap. Please Congress, do not screw us once again. We are sore and tired, and about to lose our homes, our savings, our jobs, our retirement and health care.

"... a significant problem that will affect the average citizen ..." WTF?

How much would universal health care cost? I dunno, but 700 billion might be a good start. Now, I know there are other variables involved, it's not just an item on display at the supermarket of things, but ....

I read this curious quote from dickface, er ... bushfuck, er ... well you know who, over at Democracy Now and I thought WTF?

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH: Yeah, this is a big price tag, because it’s a big problem. I told our people I don’t want to be timid in the face of a significant problem that will affect the average citizen. You know, some say, well, this is—we could contain this to just the financial community. In my judgment, based upon the advice of a lot of people who know how markets work, this wasn’t going to be contained to just the financial community. This problem could—would spread to the average citizen. You know, you hear them talk about Wall Street and Main Street, well, this is Wall Street plus Main Street, and I’m worried about Main Street.

Like lack of health care doesn't affect the average citizen on Main Street. What an asshole. I was convinced long ago that the man is really just too stupid to know that he's completely full of shit. Two weeks ago everybody in this administration would have laughed at the idea of coming up with 700 billion dollars to do anything. This is why I don't like following politics. The lies and hypocrisy are so thick it defies logic and boggles the mind. And it's all done with a straight face.

Thanks Unconventional Conventionist for Giving Me Something Worth Stealing Once Again

This may be the best new band I've ever seen or heard. I love the hair, the chicks, the old boys in their Communist Uniforms, the songs they cover. But most of all they did it my way.

Women Against Sarah Palin

Please read the words of the women who have contributed to this blog. I too am a woman against Sarah Palin. I am a woman against John McCain. I am a woman against deregulation of our financial institutions. I am a woman against the War In Iraq. Please add you voice to this blog. It is simply called Women Against Sarah Palin. I have been a fiminist all my adult life. I support women where ever I can, but I will not support a woman who is a proponent of the failed strategies and policies of the eight long years of the Bush Administration. It has been the worst goverment in my life time. I am sixty four. We have to go back to Herbert Hoover to find another governing style that has been as disastrous for our country.

The Ageless Hippie Chick Is Putting Her Money Where Her Mouth Is

Linda Sama, our friend and soul sister, is going to Iowa to volunteer for the Obama Campaign. Which means she will be shutting down her blog until after the election. I applaud this activism and wish we were all going to Iowa to help. I am going to volunteer at the Obama HQ in Salt Lake City and Salt Lake might very well vote for Obama. But it's the rest of this state that will go with the war mongering, privatizing, break the government so we can dispense with it crowd. Sadly, Utah is the reddest of the red states. Thanks to the far right's neanderthal "family values," that want to take away women's rights to choose. Mormon's want to teach creationism in the biology classes, and give vouchers to "alternative" schooling, (i.e. home schooling, and religious educational institutions). Besides that, Mormons do what "The Church" tells them to, like a lot of other states where there is one strong paternalistic religion that dominates. I guess it is a bit redundant to use the word "paternalistic" in reference to organized religions.

We will miss you while you're gone Linda. But I know you will make a difference. If I lived in your neck of the woods, I might very well join you. If it turns out Colorado or Nevada are going to be very close, I may go do what you are doing in Iowa.

So, to all of you passionately committed liberal bloggers out there, if you can't volunteer somewhere, or make calls on your cell phone to help get out the vote in a state that's going to be close, please, please donate ten or twenty or thirty dollars to the Obama Campaign. I have been doing that since Barack beat Hillary in the North Carolina Primary. Every month when I see what I have left from my Social Security check (which feeds me and pays my utilities) I send that amount to Barack. Please join me. Every dollar helps.

And to you my dear friend and soul sister, Linda Sama, The Ageless Hippy Chick, Brava! for having the courage of your convictions. I know that your energy and passion will make a difference. Thank you.

We Privatize Wealth and Socialize Debt

Chris Dodd said this on Hard Ball this afternoon. Under the republican leadership in the first six years of the Bush administration "We have privatized wealth and socialized debt." Wall Street titans who have lobbied hard and heavy for deregulation have become the Robber Barons of the Bush years. They have hijacked the economy and reaped the rewards. Now they have raped our financial institutions and repossessed our homes. And they all get bonuses and the golden parachute bail-out at our expense. It will be our great great grandchildren who will pay for the war in Iraq and now the mess that is the economy. Thanks John McCain. Thanks little George, and you too, Dick Cheney. Thanks also to the dearly departed Saint Reagan, and George the first (who at least had the good sense to put the coastal waters off limits for oil drilling, and not try to occupy Iraq after the first Gulf War). And I'm not forgetting you Bubba, you too had your part. And thanks to you, The Hammer, indicted money laundering, gerrymandering bastard, Tom Delay, and to all you other money grubbing thugs and liars without a shred of decency, voting to privatize everything you could get your hands on, while cutting medicaid and medicare benefits. And all the while you lower taxes on the uber-rich, you want to tax insurance benefits for working class Americans??!!! How can you sleep at night? You want to invest my social security in the what!!?? Not so fast. I have been paying close attention all these years. How dumb do you think we are??!!!

You call health care for everyone "Socialized Medicine." But an unregulated "free" market economy that fails colossally? It gets a bail-out on my dime, and all the generations to come will be paying for the Iraq war and your greed long into the future. Your bank accounts should be frozen, your assets seized, and you should be tried and convicted for crimes against America.

This Little Piggy Is Broken

I've hurt myself. Last weekend I worked in the garden getting ready for the city's scheduled Neighborhood Clean-up. I capitalize this because it's a big deal to have the city come pick up all the crap you need to get rid of. There is a cottage industry in trading junk and selling this cleaned-up, rehabbed junk to the trendy little used furniture stores scattered around the city. Folks in pick-up trucks cruise the area scheduled for junk removal looking for anything old and/or maybe broken that can be fixed and used or sold or traded. I suspect this cruising for cast-off crap will intensify as the economy gets worse. I'm thinking anyone with a car that gets parked on the street without a lock on the gas-cap will soon be finding the tank emptied over night.

Anyway, while working to get all the tree limbs and big trimmings, the digging up of unwanted volunteer trees, then dragging them to the curb, I acquired some gnarly bruises and a couple of puncture wounds which now have turned almost black.

Then there was the pot luck party that was a send off of one of the sons of the Ventura family who lived next door to me when I was a kid. Those boys used to spy on me when I was in nude sunbathing mode (I think I was sixteen). I was enough older than they were, that in their minds it was Maggy they now think they were spying on. (oh how I ramble on). Anyway, this now middle aged man is getting ready to move to Barcelona, where his lovely wife and three dogs and two cats now await. It was a fairly large neighborhood party. And for the first time in a long time I have nice though used duds that fit to wear to a party. So dressed in my new nice casual, I take my freshly baked peach cobbler and off I go.

It was lovely, but sometime in the evening I got a small cut that bled like crazy--it's the coumadin, so I was bleeding on my nice new clothes. I decided to quietly leave, walk across the street to find a bandage.

I keep bandages, hydrogen Peroxide, and other first aid remedies under the bathroom sink. So while squatting on the balls of my feet, rummaging through the mess that is that compartment looking for a bandage, when the rug I was standing on slipped out from under my feet and down I went, hard on the tailbone and lower back. But the worst of it was what happened to my arm. The back of my upper arm came down hard on the toilet seat. Really hard. That didn't break my arm, but I do now look like I have an abusive husband.

Then, the next evening I was typing away here at my desk, when the phone started ringing. It was in the evening, in the late part of the news hours. No one calls me them. I'm on the "Do Not Call List. I capitalize that because I think it's supposed to mean something. The base of my phone is a short roll away when I am sitting on my typing chair. If the phone isn't in its cradle, it's on my bed. I turned and hurried to try to locate the phone in the mess that is my bed. And in so hurrying, broke the little toe on my left foot. It is the third time since early spring that I have broken this particular toe, but it is the worst, most painful break so far, and I am on Coumadin, and the bruise and swelling, not to mention the pain, is heinous.

NY Times/CBS Polling

Times/CBS News poll suggested that Ms. Palin’s selection has, to date, helped Mr. McCain only among Republican base voters; there was no evidence of significantly increased support for him among women in general. White women were evenly divided between Mr. McCain and Mr. Obama; before the conventions, Mr. McCain led Mr. Obama among white women, 44 percent to 37 percent.

By contrast, at this point in the 2004 campaign, President Bush was leading Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts, the Democratic challenger, by 56 percent to 37 percent among white women.

Among other groups, Mr. Obama had a slight edge among independents, and a 16-percentage-point lead among voters ages 18 to 44. Mr. McCain was leading by 17 points among white men and by the same margin among voters 65 and over. Before the convention, voters 65 and older were closely divided. In the latest poll, middle-age voters, 45 to 64, were almost evenly divided between the two.

The latest Times/CBS News nationwide telephone poll was taken Friday through Tuesday with 1,133 adults, including 1,004 registered voters. The margin of sampling error is plus or minus three percentage points for all respondents and for registered voters.

The poll was taken during a period of extraordinary turmoil on Wall Street. By overwhelming numbers, Americans said the economy was the top issue affecting their vote decision, and they continued to express deep pessimism about the nation’s economic future. They continued to express greater confidence in Mr. Obama’s ability to manage the economy, even as Mr. McCain has aggressively sought to raise doubts about it.

This poll found evidence of concern about Ms. Palin’s qualifications to be president, particularly compared with Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. of Delaware, Mr. Obama’s running mate. More than 6 in 10 said they would be concerned if Mr. McCain could not finish his term and Ms. Palin had to take over. In contrast, two-thirds of voters surveyed said Mr. Biden would be qualified to take over for Mr. Obama, a figure that cut across party lines.

And 75 percent said they thought Mr. McCain had picked Ms. Palin more to help him win the election than because he thought that she was well qualified to be president; by contrast, 31 percent said they thought that Mr. Obama had picked Mr. Biden more to help him win the election, while 57 percent said it was because he thought Mr. Biden was well qualified for the job.

This poll was taken right after Ms. Palin sat down for a series of high-profile interviews with Charles Gibson on ABC News.

Over the last two weeks, Mr. McCain has increasingly tried to distance himself from his party and President Bush, running as an outsider against Washington. The poll suggested the urgency of Mr. McCain’s task: The percentage of Americans who disapprove of the way Mr. Bush is conducting his job, 68 percent, was as high as it has been for any sitting president in the history of New York Times polling. And 81 percent said the country was heading in the wrong direction.

Watching the News

I have taken a couple of hours dancing to Diva and Randal's tunes. It was swell. Then I tuned my attention back to the news. And what is the first thing out of my mouth? At the top of my lungs, I shout, "You Lying Sack of Shit!"

I don't even know who the hack is that elicited this response from me--just some shill for McCain. Just some dude in a dark suit.

Diva & Madame NJNRR Have Tagged Me For Tunes

One thing you can be sure of is that this meme will be coming to a blog near you. I have to do something first, but believe me I'm looking forward to composing this particular meme thingy. If you want to start bitching at the man responsible for it, see Randal. But here is a small taste for you Randal you bastard, and you Diva, my darling friend and you, resourceful expat you, Madame NJNRR

Amy Lavere, Killing Him
Diana Krall, The Look of Love
Bill Evans Trio, Emily
Nina Simone, Ne Me Quitte Pas
Bob Dylan, Subterranean Homesick Blues
Miles Davis, So What
Keith Jarrett Trio, My Funny Valentine
Herbie Hancock, Cantelope Island
Tom Waits, Temptation
Madeleine Payroux and K.D.Lang, River
John Coltrane Quintet & Eric Dolphy, Impressions
Randy Newman, You Can Leave Your Hat On
Diana Krall, Let's Fall In Love
Bill Evans Trio, Elsa
Etta James, At Last
The bonus with At Last is the lovely visage of Audrey Hepburn in the video
Bill Evans, My Foolish Heart
Amy Lavere, Pointless Drinking
Fiona Apple, Criminal

So I didn't do 25, so what (which happens to be one of my tunes). At least I linked mine.

Now the fun part--spreading this musical virus.

I Tag:
Enigma4ever
DK Read
Ghost Dansing
Okjimm
E, the StarSpangledHaggis

Doctor Doctor

I have hurt myself. It was accidental. That's not the reason for todays doctors visit. But maybe he'll feel sorry for me and prescribe something for my aches and pains. Bruised all over, but that's mostly because I'm taking blood thinners.

More later. Then I'll tell you why I haven't been visiting lately.

New Deal or Great Depression?

Which would you rather have? F.D.R. has always been a hero of mine. My mother was a child of The Great Depression. I heard her tales of poverty. And I lived with the neurosis this deep, frightening poverty carved into her psyche. She never threw away anything. She saved tin foil, rubber bands, twist ties, old clothes, plastic bags, and on and on. Occasionally there would be an intervention, but into the sorting for the trash can, she would burst into tears and say, "You don't know what it was like. You didn't live through it." And she was right. I was not old enough to really understand what it was like, but I do remember the rationing after the end of WWII. And in every way those two experiences defined my mother's behavior for the rest of her life. It made her deeply stingy, even with her love. And unless you weren't a student of history, or had a parent or grandparent who lived through both those events tell you about it, you need to read something like this. It's fundamental. And it's not just the economy, stupid.

This is one of the saddest songs I ever heard. Thanks for reminding me, Ghost.

And this is my favorite performance of it.

Holy Crap!!!

It was during the Clinton years that I did well enough to invest in the stock market. Within the first year of the Bush administration I lost 1/3 of my investment. I pulled my remaining money out of the market and put it in savings. Seven years later I have no savings and am struggling month to month to pay the utilities and feed myself. Every year since '06, I've been having to make payments on my property taxes instead of paying them all at once. Insurance for my home and car are automatically deducted from my checking account, but I've been thinking I won't be able to keep paying auto insurance for long. I'm your average older American. I've lived through good times and bad. But I've never seen anything like this. And I'm scared.

Merrill Lynch goes belly up? Lehman Brothers files for chapter 11? And John McCain says, "The fundamentals of the economy are sound?" Holy crap!!! And still the polls say the race is tightening? Holy crap!!!

Gardening

This photo is the spring garden.

I have planted, over the years, Iris, Tulips, Larkspur, and a number of flowering perennial plants whose names I forgot long ago. Now in early Autumn, the vines are full of berries, as is the Mulberry. Here and there are old clumps of mint in various flavors, most have bolted. Soon, the color will be extravagantly red.

I wish I were more the May Sarton type who used her garden well. The Iris beds bordering the front walk have become an embarrassment--too crowed. They have started to invade the little patch of lawn. If I were the May Sarton type I would dig them up every fall and spread those tubers around. Then I would have glorious bursts of fragrant, deep purple, tall, velvety Iris germanica throughout. But no, I'm not that type of gardener. Same with the Tulips in their many varieties and colors. I have some very fancy tulips. But my reason for planting so many bulbs and tubers was to eventually have the busts of seasonal color without the back breaking work.

Another type of gardener I'd like to become again, is a gardener like Colette's mother. If memory serves me well, the book or story I read long ago is called "Sido" or "Sidonie." I ran across it in an English translation in a small bookstore in Milan. It was early winter 1965. That was also when I read Henry Miller and Anais Nin too. But Sido was my favorite literary gardener, and I think I'm rather more her type. Never wanting to leave home, and claiming it's the needs of my garden that keep me here. Even so, Sido was certainly more attentive to the actual needs of her garden. (It was also the only non-fiction written by Colette I ever ran across. But with a writer like Colette, I'm rather sure most of her fiction is written from memory.)

I read when I'm depressed. I tackle reading as if it were a full time job. I have been known to read two or three novels in a day. Mind you, that's full time reading. Now I need that focus to lavish on my garden. I'll be sore from actually doing any physical labor. It will be good for me.

Another Day, Another Doctor

Today's visit with a doctor was the clotting factor check and the summing up of news so far. Wednesday next week I see the heart rhythm specialist about my fibrillating heart. We shall see. To ablate or not to ablate. That's the next question.

When I got home from today's long wait in another doctor's office, there was a message from yesterday's cardiologist informing me that I have to go to the sleep clinic and pick up my apnea checking equipment Monday afternoon. My dog Cyrus has an appointment with our house-call veterinarian for a refill on Cyrus's Rimadyl and a nail clipping. I'll have to try to reschedule one of our appointments.

I finished off the day with a shopping spree at my favorite thrift shop. And from the looks of my new winter wardrobe I'm going to be better dressed this year. These are the clothes of a woman who has a life. Who knew. I might start wearing lipstick and mascara again.

I Talk Politics At The Cardiologist's

I just spent about forty five minutes getting to know my new cardiologist. This is the "hole" in the heart specialist. It turns out that it's more a flap than a hole. In my heart (as is the case with about twenty percent of the population) this flap has not closed. Adults with this condition often have sleep apnea and chronic migraines. I have sleep apnea and used to have migraines. Now I have chronic headaches that are not classic migraines, but are debilitating none the less, so I have three options for headache pain--all pharmaceutical, all effective if taken at first inkling of pain.

But the thing that most interested me about this relatively young man was his willingness to talk politics with me. Now I have two cardiologists who like talking politics and tell me they are probably farther left than I. Do you think they are blowing smoke? If my two cardiologists, living in the wing-nut capital of America, are both Democrats, how many secret liberals might there be in the medical professions? I have a neighbor and friend who is a lefty lawyer. One of my neighbors just came back from the DNC (she was a delegate). I live in the heart of the Mormon Holy Land. Could there be hope? Even here?

Speaking of smoke... He looked at my chart and said, "You smoke" very neutrally. I said, "Yes, but I've been smoking since I was five. I'm sixty four. My quitting is highly unlikely. So far, I've tried every method of quitting. Nothing worked. I think you have to really want to quit to quit." He said, "Nuff said. Let's schedule a sleep test."

He talked about the research done on the issue of "to close the flap or not to close the flap," and said the results of the studies done so far are leaning toward "doesn't make much difference and can cause problems far worse than the unclosed flap." I said, "Good, well, lets not do that."

I'm gaining a couple of pounds every two weeks. I get that this works out to a pound a week. Oh yes, I get that. I asked the assistant, Lynn, if I was fat. She stood back and actually looked me over and said, "Nope. You're not fat."

I said, "Hallelujah."

Another Award to Pass Along, Thanks Naj

Naj from Neo-Resistance has honored me with this award. I'm sorry that it took me so long to discover its existence. I have been avoiding my short stories. In fact I have been avoiding most writing. I'm in the avoidance phase of editing. Some people call it
"Writer's Block," but in reality it's more a blank space when all ideas go away. I'm in that dormant phase of the creative process. I'll get over this soon and then I'll wow you with my razzle dazzle once again. But for the moment (in my case a moment could be years) I'll be roaming da blogs stealing good ideas from all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And just so I don't have to do it when I rip you off--I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll be sorry for the rest of my days. Because, I'm guilty, oh yes I'm guilty, and I'll be guilty for the rest of my life.... Because I never do the things I'm supposed to do...

Randy Newman tells the story of how an old writer feels when he runs out of material and finds he's dead...

Here is Randy Newman's take on Writing

I pass this award along to:
Randal Graves
Dcup
Diva Jood,
Linda Sama
Frieda Bee
Beach Bum

Swampland

Time Reporter's piece on the sleaze in the McCain campaign.

VPILF

This is a new word in our lexicon. But I am reassured by the young man who self-identifies as a Republican and yet plans to vote for Barack.

But it's the VPILF that scares me.

Dominatrix Candidate

Sarah Palin wants to discipline us all with a whip.

The naughty dominatrix is making John look mighty like he swallowed a canary and making Cindy look old. Cindy is starting to look like granny with platinum hair. I love Palin's habit of surging forward and slamming her arm out to point or shake hands with a well wisher, and nearly smacking whoever is walking beside her--could be John, could be Cindy.

Sort of Mavericky

The Republican National Convention revealed John McCain's entire campaign isn't about what is best for America. It's not about how to repair our economy or fix our health care system. It's not about ending the war or bringing our troops home. And it is definitely not about you.

No, John McCain's campaign rests solely on the man himself. His judgment. His temperament. His life story.

It's time for America to hear directly from someone who served with John McCain.

Dr. Phillip Butler is a veteran and a former prisoner of war at the "Hanoi Hilton" with Sen. McCain. He knows the real McCain. Now he has shot a 30 second ad with our friends at Brave New PAC to make sure Americans hear the truth. This is some of his testimony:
"John McCain's temperament makes it clear that he is not cut out to be President of the United States. John McCain is not somebody I would like to see with his finger near the red button."
The ad is smart and it is the truth. And since Democracy for America IS about you, we need to know what you think before we move forward. Watch it here first. Then let us know if you think DFA should join Brave New Films in spreading the word with a national advertising blitz.

This is your decision. We think this is a voice that needs to be heard and a discussion of John McCain's temperament and judgment that America needs. But before we commit to action we need to hear from you.

Please take a moment to watch the ad and share your thoughts right now.

Thank you for everything you do,

-Jim

Jim Dean, Chair
Democracy for America

(I know it must seem as if I have been missing in action--too lazy to write about my own take on the previous piece from the L.A. Times and this piece from my own inbox, and yes, you might have a point. But the truth is, my oldest, closest girlfriend was in an car accident that totaled her recently purchased Honda, but it also totaled the new car of the young man who ran a stop sign and hit her. What is nearly miraculous that both drivers limped away from this wreck that demolished both newish cars. More on this later.)

From the Los Angles Times

John McCain, Barack Obama both sell themselves as agents of change

Email Picture

Dave Kaup / Getty Images; Joe Burbank / Associated Press

Left, Palin joined McCain at a campaign rally in Missouri today. Right, Hillary Clinton campaigned for Obama in central Florida.

The candidates campaign in Missouri and Michigan, respectively. The Republican's choice of Sarah Palin as running mate has given him a boost in polls.

By Peter Nicholas and Michael Muskal, Los Angeles Times Staff Writers
September 9, 2008Flint, Mich. -- Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain clashed today over which presidential aspirant was the best person to bring about change.

Both candidates have claimed to be the true agent for change, an idea polls show most voters support. The latest polls also show that McCain's standing has improved since he was nominated last week, in part, because of his choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate.

McCain and Palin campaigned today in Missouri, a key battleground state, while Obama was in Michigan and his running mate, Joe Biden, campaigned in Wisconsin and Iowa. The Democrats stressed the need to fix the economy.

In Lee's Summit, Mo., the Republican duo again portrayed themselves as the ticket of mavericks, unafraid to take on their own party on such issues as congressional earmarks and political corruption. Energy independence, including offshore oil drilling, and the improving security situation in Iraq continue to be among their key issues.

"Change is coming, change is coming," McCain said.

Speaking in Flint, where the unemployment rate is 12%, Obama said McCain is attempting a wholesale makeover after running a campaign based on his Washington experience.

"John McCain and his running mate, Sarah Palin, at the [Republican] convention asserted that they were the agents of change," Obama said. "Now they're trying to repackage themselves. We've been talking about the need to change this country for 19 months. I guess it must be working because suddenly John McCain is saying 'I'm for change too.' "

With about eight weeks to go until election day, the candidates concentrated on battleground states. To counter Palin's increasing success with conservative voters, Democrats dispatched Hillary Rodham Clinton to Florida, another swing state, where she too stressed the economy.

Earlier today, Republicans attacked Obama for allegedly requesting nearly $1 billion in earmarks for his home state of Illinois, a figure sharply contested by the Obama campaign.

Alaska Gov. Palin again said that she had rejected an earmark for the so-called "bridge to nowhere," and the Obama campaign immediately retorted that Palin kept the more than $230 million for the bridge and used it for other transportation purposes.

Taking direct aim at Palin, Obama accused her of flip-flopping on her claim to have opposed the bridge that has become a symbol of government pork.

"She was for it until everyone started raising a fuss about it," said Obama, standing against a backdrop of hybrid SUVs. "You can't just make stuff up. You can't just re-create yourself. You can't just reinvent yourself. The American people aren't stupid. What they're looking for is someone who has been consistently calling for change."

In her appearance, Palin again praised McCain for backing the increase of U.S. troops in Iraq as an example of how he was willing to support unpopular positions.

Some in Washington saw the war as lost, she said, with no hope for any candidate "who would rather lose an election than lose the war," she said, using the McCain campaign applause line.

"But the pollsters and the pundits, they forgot one thing when they wrote him off," Palin said to cheers today. "John McCain refused to break faith with the troops who have now brought victory in sight.

"I'll tell ya, as a mother of one of those troops, that's exactly the kind of man I want as commander in chief," said Palin, whose eldest son is heading to Iraq.

The latest polls show the general election essentially neck and neck, which was where it was before the party conventions. A CNN/Time poll showed the race deadlocked at 48%, largely unchanged from the previous week, when Obama led McCain by 49% to 48%.

But another poll by USA Today/Gallup, gave McCain a 4-point edge among registered voters and a 10-point lead among likely voters -- a big increase for McCain, who trailed Obama by 3 points among likely voters.

McCain senior aide Mark Salter said the campaign was thrilled about the numbers -- but cautioned that it was a post-convention bounce and that another milestone looms in the upcoming debates.

"Obviously we had successful convention. People were reminded of who John McCain is. I don't expect the Obama campaign to take it lying down. We have two months to go," Salter said.

"We're very confident that we've been able to use both his vice presidential choice and his convention to remind voters that John McCain's whole public career has been about change. We've been under siege that John McCain is running for George Bush's third term. We've successfully reminded people that this is who he is," he said.

So far, the polls indicate that whatever bounce the Democrats received after their convention last month was short-lived, at best. Republicans did get a bounce, generally attributed to the surprise choice of Palin as McCain's running mate.

• 

  Blog: Top of the Ticket

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  2008 electoral vote map

• Campaign '08 Daily Newsletter

The polls indicate a greater enthusiasm among the Republican faithful after the nomination of Palin, who appeals to conservatives who were lukewarm about McCain.

Democrats, responding to McCain's surprise pick of Palin, sent Clinton to Florida today for the second time in as many weeks to campaign.

With some Clinton supporters still angry that Obama did not select the New York senator as his running mate, aides said that Obama will lunch Thursday in Harlem with former President Bill Clinton while he is in New York to mark the seventh anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks.

Campaigning in Kissimmee, Fla., Hillary Clinton focused on economic issues, a topic Democrats have made the centerpiece of their effort to tie McCain to the unpopular president.

Clinton argued that it was Democrats in the past who were eager to create jobs and improve the economy.

"Choosing a Republican to clean up this mess is like asking the iceberg to save the Titanic. It is not going to work," she said.

There's "a tough road ahead of us, a difficult election," she said. "People need to think hard about who will make the difference in your life. . . . People are working hard and falling further behind.

"Florida is critical and central Florida is the key to who wins Florida in November," she said, adding what has become one of her campaign taglines, "No way, no how, no McCain, no Palin."

Palin, at 44 the youngest and first female governor in Alaska's history, was originally to begin campaigning on her own this week. But she's proving a draw on the campaign trail, so the 72-year-old McCain decided to keep her at his side as they stump in battleground states such as Ohio, Pennsylvania and Missouri.

Palin's ability to motivate the Republican base also prompted Zondervan, the Christian book publisher owned by HarperCollins, to rush out a biography on the governor that will "explore themes from her career in politics, her life as a hockey mom, and her strongly held Christian faith," the publisher announced today. The book will be published Oct. 10.

peter.nicholas@latimes.com

michael.muskal@latimes.com

Nicholas reported from the Obama campaign in Michigan and Muskal from Los Angeles. Staff writers Maeve Reston contributed from the McCain campaign in Lee's Summit, Mo., and Johannna Neuman reported from Washington,

Ghost Dansing Said...

From my comment's thread, by Ghost Dansing

The Republican Party has become a totally rightist phenomenon in American politics. they are no longer a "normal" left-center-right Liberal Democratic party....... their fascism takes the form of government default to corporate plutocracy..... government has no function in their mind, other than funneling public tax monies into corporate profit margins, because laissez faire market economies bring "all good", and if the market doesn't address a problem, it is not a problem that requires solution.

In many ways their alliance with the so called "religious right", essentially authoritarian fundamentalist theocrats, is a marriage of convenience. they cage that voting sector on single-topic wedge issues like abortion, and let them run amok on legislation and regulation of "bed room" issues and all matters of human reproduction and death because it is a fine distraction, does not translate into regulation of corporate business activities, and by and large does not effect the rich because they can ultimately do whatever they want because they have the money.

it is actually quite a sickening brew representing a general, gradual erosion of truly American values such as secular governance and individual rights...... face it, a total ban on abortion really means that the State, not the individual, is in charge of what is happening inside a woman's womb...... how do all these "libertarians" resolve that conflict in their mind?

Americans will either take back America from the corporations and "religious right", or America itself will be lost.

America, in its preoccupation with Communism, ultimately lost track of the fact that America is far more vulnerable to evolution toward Fascism than it ever was toward Communism..... the Republicans, the standard bearers for "movement conservativism", found the formula to subtly and steadly move the American psyche ever to the right, to the point that many think of the term "Liberalism" as a dirty word.

the truth is, the American Constitution and the Declaration of Independence are quintessential monuments to Liberalism..... America is a Liberal Nation, and Progressives are simply attuned to the promises contained in these seminal documents.

by the way, there is some stuff out there on the internet that is radical liberatarian anarchism. they are essentially saying that the government is fascist because it requires income tax..... that is nonsense, and that is not what i'm talking about. the Republicans also capture that vote because if that Party's "small government" and "government is the problem" rhetoric..... the Republicans are about no such thing. they are about neutralization of the government of and by the people, making it subservient to the big Corporations.

my opinion is more like this: link 2

here's link 1....... why I say America's propensity is toward fascism versus communism......

September 6, 2008 7:21 PM

here's some more good stuff......

September 6, 2008 7:25 PM

Overheard At The RNC

From Salon:

5 a.m.
The only people around the RNC headquarters now are security personnel. Cops of all stripes circulate around the hotel, nodding to one another as they pass, keeping watch mostly on their fellow watchmen. Every once in a while, Charlie's voice crackles over the radio, "Wake up!" and my fellow officers oblige by telling lewd jokes over the line to stay awake. The agony of my ill-fitting cop slacks has given way to a mellow numbness.

I am now posted behind the RNC headquarters, at the back exit, which is an outdoor ledge overlooking a park. It's a lonely perch and the night has turned chilly. Fall is definitely in the air. A man in his mid-60s -- who, to my exhausted eyes, looks a bit like John McCain -- suddenly materializes nearby. Given that I'm dead bored and my eyes have begun playing tricks on me, and that I'm manning a post in the dead of night, I can't help thinking of the ghost of King Hamlet, disturbing the night watch just like this gentleman, with "a countenance more in sorrow than in anger."

All the hotels in the area are dark. Thousands of Republicans stir in their beds, dreaming thousands of dreams about Sarah Palin. But Charles Hunter, an environmentalist delegate from New Hampshire and a veteran of Republican conventions going back to the 1980 coronation of Ronald Reagan at Detroit's Joe Louis Arena, can't sleep at all.

"This is my last convention," he tells me, lighting a cigarette.

"Why?"

"I'm a real McCain guy. I served. But I liked the old McCain -- when he was a true hero, before he signed on with the yahoos. I actually believe in 'country first.'"

"Not a fan of Palin?"

"If I were McCain I'd probably bring her onto my ticket, too. That's exactly the problem. I guess I tricked myself into thinking that McCain, even after he watered himself down for the election, could somehow restore sanity. The Democrats tried to paint him as a twin of Bush. Not true. But Palin ... she does remind me of Bush. McCain has made a devil's pact and sealed this party's fate."

Even though he's older, he smokes his cigarette like a young man, with earnest haste, before he flicks it off into the dark.

"That's it," he said, "we're through. Even if we win, we've lost."

Emphasis added

I've been tagged. Watch Out, It's Coming Your Way

Non, Je Ne Regrettes Rien has tagged me in one of my favorite games--a simple meme. Thankfully not one that requires critical thinking or creativity. It does require a bit of introspection and a trip down memory lane. Get ready, don't even try to duck. This will be coming to a blog near you soon.

1. Where was I ten years ago?

Sadly, I might have been here. But those were still the days when I traveled, so I might have been in San Antonio, in a hotel room overlooking River Walk, eating my room service dinner on the balcony. I would have finished the meal with a joint, and then joined my friend and fellow make-up artist, Eck, getting drunk and disorderly on the River Walk. Or I might have been in Costa Rica, thumbing my nose at my first love/last love by staying at his Costa Rican lover's house in the wilds outside of San Jose. Or I might have been visiting my friend BB in Santa Barbara, staying at his house overlooking Hendry's Beach. His house was in a lovely location in Yankee Farm, right next to Hope Ranch, and walking distance to Santa Barbara's loveliest beaches. But probably I was here taking care of my crazy mother.

2. What was on my ToDo list today?

Not a damn thing. Well, not really. I did go out for provisions, but it was kind of impulsive and could have easily been put off until tomorrow. I had half way expected a visit from an old friend whose daughter is in town briefly, but daughters visiting are kind of like herding cats. They do what they damn well will. And then while I was off on my impromptu errand my oldest girlfriend dropped by. I was sorry I missed her, but will schedule time with her soon--like tomorrow. I wasn't even going to write a blog post as the billiousness of the Sarah Palin exposure had not yet left me. But then I went visiting and what do you know? I'd been tagged. It could happen to you.

3. And my favorite number. What would I do if I were a billionaire?

Well, I'd start planning some very luxe travel. I will no longer fly. Not even the notion that I could buy or lease my own damn plane would tempt me to fly. I loved train travel and ship travel when I was younger and never really liked flying, not even first class. But I would do some mighty first class train travel from west to east coast visiting blogger friends across the country like you Dcup, and you Randal and you Beach. You all know who you are. And then when I got to New York, I'd board a luxury liner of some sort (do they still exist, I wonder) and sail off to France where I would buy a little flat in Paris for my friend N,JNRR. She and I would travel around the Continent eating in the very most interesting restaurants--not always the best known, and stay in lovely small hotels with divine room service. I would give my house in Salt Lake to Ms M., and then relocate to Santa Barbara. I'd write and read and do good works. I'd live well, but not terribly extravagantly, and offer my hospitality to worn out bloggers and other friends seeking respite for awhile as they write their poems and stories and novels, paint their pictures, compose and play their musical masterpieces. I'd have a couple of cats and a couple of biggish dogs, and I'd be one of Santa Barbara's batty old women. Oh, and send some talented and interesting young people to study abroad or where ever. And when I die, I'd leave a bunch of very happy people richer than they were. It wouldn't be all that long a time to wait, since I'm am the oldest of you all.

4. Five places I've lived.

Paris, Texas
Milan, Italy
San Francisco, California
Middletown, Connecticut
Fayetteville, Arkansas

5. Bad habits.

This is easy. I smoke. Need I say more? Top that, you candy assed babies! I swear like a sailor. I like to be alone, stay up late and sleep in.

Tagees:

1. Dcup
2. Diva Jood
3. Poetryman
4. Beach
5. Linda Sama AHC

Have fun my darlings. And, believe me, it was a relief to avoid another post about The Pitt Bull in Lipstick.

From Immoral Minority

Thanks to Enigma4ever I was led to this piece, posted by Gryphon at Immoral Minority. Read this.

I feel some constraint since reading Liberality's piece yesterday about playing nice with the children. I get the fact that we should be better than that. But I'm afraid that if we are better than that and nicer than they, were going to lose once again.

I'm happy now ... (with the RNC)

It hasn't even stopped talking yet and she's obvious. I'm not going to mention the fucking hairdo or the way she talks without moving her lips very much, or the nose wiggle fuck, or the condescending jowls, but CLEARLY this thing is coming off as a smarmy little piece of shit. Nobody would want to fuck her now, right?

I felt it better/more polite to avoid dropping a C-bomb here but fuck, it was hard.

Vigilante, This One's For You

What can I say?

Maybe that this scares the crap out of me?!!! I think most men who've seen this Tina Fey look alike, Democrat or Republican, have thought, for just a nanosecond, "I'd do her."

And a lot of women are thinking, "I feel so sorry for her..."

Is this combination of instinctual reaction to something like a train wreck going to insure another win for a Republican administration that hasn't a clue how to govern?

Thanks to Diva Jood for This Fine Find

John McCain's unfit to serve. Read it, really.

From Linda to Me

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.
every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Tina Fey/Sarah Palin

I can't look at a photo of her without seeing Tina Fey, so I'd bet money Tina Fey will be praying Sarah Palin ends up Vice President.

It's going to be an interesting political season.

Kind of a Sexy Librarian Vibe

We all know that librarians are incredibly sexy--Lib's a librarian, Randal is a librarian, and I was a librarian. So no further proof that librarians are sexy is needed. But here is further proof that Sarah Palin has that sexy librarian vibe. Also I did see Cindy McCain turn a bilious green the first time I got a glimpse of the current Mrs. McCain preceding the sexy librarian up the steps of the said Mrs. McCain's own private jet. Picture it. First goes Cindy, then comes the Veep in waiting, followed by the gallant, heroic, womanizing nominee, with his face at butt height, hard on Palin's heels, and what lovely sexy high heels they were. When they get to the top of the stairs, they all turn to wave at the camera and again Palin stands firmly in front of Cindy and nearly slaps Cindy's face in her exuberant waving. John stands on the other side of Palin looking sheepish.

Here is Craig Fergusson's take on Sarah Palin

Gustav

Louisiana and the Gulf Coast bloggers, this song's for you.

Breakup

As so many things are going dreadfully wrong for me--heart, bipolar disorder, teeth, economic health, I got a letter from my first boyfriend a couple of days ago, letting me know in no uncertain terms that yes, I am indeed a man hating asshole. When I say boyfriend, I mean childhood boyfriend. I was twelve; he was fifteen or sixteen. He says fifteen, but what's a year's difference at this point? I was still a child, he was a teenager. One could say, despite the fact that we are now both old, I might still be that same child and he that same teenager. It was my parents and his friends who were opposed to our relationship when we were our younger selves. Now it is, finally, his better judgement that he should breakup with me. I give so little, ask so much. I never initiate, I only respond. What's in it for him? Obviously very little. He has said to me and to his real intimates, that I am smart and well read as a justification for continuing his friendship with me. Good so far, but is that enough to carry on a long distance friendship for fifty two years? He has always been married to one woman or another in our adult lives, so I have never been the one to initiate communication. But at least I have always responded to his attempts to keep some kind of relationship alive. I'm capable of charm now and then, but anyone with bipolar disorder is a bit uneven in the charm department. And even before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, we both knew my childhood had left me damaged, if not purely crazy. So no matter how smart and well read I was, I was always difficult. But I did know enough to avoid interfering in his marriages, so I did not initiate contact, ever. I may have had shaky boundaries in the rest of my life, but one of the things that made our friendship possible was the fact that, though we were sexually exploratory in the childish part of our relationship, we never had sexual intercourse. So, in my mind, we had kept our relationship non-sexual throughout it's history. I was never a threat to any of his adult romantic relationships. That was not an accident of fate--it was a conscious decision. If we could say we loved one another, that love was never complicated or colored by sex.

What was he to me? Touchstone, anchor, bedrock. Is that enough for me to call him my friend? I think so. I require nothing of him that he has not offered. But once a thing is offered, I do ask that it be given. He suggests that I'm not appreciative of help given. Worse yet, I don't even acknowledge that it has been given. It was offered, not asked for, and offered again and again. It's help with my writing we're talking about. He was the one who first encouraged me to keep writing. He offered to help edit my novel. He read the first draft and made many suggestions that kept me going. This offer to help began probably twenty years ago. No doubt he is sick of the story by now. I am too. That's why editing is such a chore. Now that my heart and teeth have become a serious problem for me, just getting out of bed is dicy. I am no longer able to clean my tiny house without experiencing chest pain and nausea. I'm looking for a house cleaner. I'm trying to make it through today. Feed Cyrus and myself. Get him outside a couple of times so he can pee, etc. That's about it. Is it all about me? Do I hate all men? Do I have no friends? I think that's a tad harsh, but there may be some truth in it. If it's all true, I am my mother's daughter. Unlike my mother, I can say that I have loved. As little as I know how to love, given my childhood's lessons, I have loved. I have friends. Life long friends. Even though I am a recluse, I have friends. Are my friendships reciprocal? I believe they are, but you'd have to ask each of my friends if each feels that our friendship is satisfactorily reciprocated. Do I give as good as I get? Probably not. I'm a crazy recluse.

I am trying to get my affairs in order--trying to make sure this property goes to a friend, a woman who will love it as much as I have. A young woman who will find it the refuge and sanctuary that it has finally become to me. I want it to be an opportunity for a better life. I want to leave no burdens for anyone to deal with. And if all goes well for me, then, at least I have one less thing to do in the future. Maybe I'll be healed, and go on to live another fifteen or twenty years, mind still working and creative. I might yet learn to love a man in a way that feels like love to him, and doesn't harm me. That would be a wonderful outcome. But I'm trying to be prepared for whatever happens. I am in the early stages of heart failure. I'd submit that I have always been in heart failure, but only now is it about to kill me.

In Case You Missed This

From Salon this Morning:

Sarah Who???

Well, so much to cover in so little time. First off, who the hell is Sarah Palen? I want to hear from Cindy.

Loved the Dem Convention. Thought it was pretty much pitch perfect. Bubba did us proud, and even he was disciplined. Go Bubba. Claims to be ready to campaign. Hillary, too And Barack's speech was perfection. Enough! One of my favorite words in Italian was Basta! And Barack delivered that one word with the perfect inflection. Nicely done Dems! Chris Matthews is ready for the looney bin. I thought he was going to swing on Keith.

Now for the important stuff. the flabby valve problem is called Stenoses:

Diagnosis and Assessment of Valve Stenosis and Regurgitation and Coarctation of the Aorta with Doppler Ultrasound

valve stenosis • valve regurgitation • coarctation • Doppler echocardiography

ABSTRACT

ABSTRACT. With the use of Doppler ultrasound localized increases in blood flow velocities can be recorded and used to diagnose obstructions to blood flow. From the increase in maximal velocities the pressure drop across an obstruction can be calculated, both the peak instantaneous and the mean pressure drop. Regurgitations are diagnosed by recording reversal of blood flow across the valve. Semi-quantitative evaluation of the degree of regurgitation can be made by using both jet width, extension and intensity, as well as increase in forward flow velocity, reversal of flow in great vessels and influence on pressures. In coarctation of the aorta localized increase in velocity in the descending aorta can be shown and the pressure drop can be calculated. In some, more than one level of obstruction can be shown. In neonates the presence of a patent ductus arteriosus may mask the obstruction and a significant pressure drop may become apparent only when narrowing or closure of the duct occurs."

And it's regurgitating. Ick. The hole in the heart is called Patent Foramen Ovale.

Today I asked my Nurse Practitioner, who I had gone to see for a clotting factor test, "Am I fatigued, listless, and stupid because I'm depressed, or is it my heart?" She said, "It's your heart."

Tell No One, Ask No Questions

I went to a complicated French thriller this afternoon with Nick. A film made of a novel by an American mystery/thriller writer whose name I can't remember. The movie's called "Tell No One." I went partly because I always enjoy my time with Nick and partly because UC kicked my ass about going out and having some fun. I'll leave the movie reviewing to K and J. Nick brought home-made fresh peach and blueberry torte for me. What a guy. My admiration grows.

I set my alarm yesterday so I could wake up around eight and call the cardiologist's office to make sure my appointment was at 1:00 with (new to me) Dr. Whatsisname at the usual place. They put me on hold for forty-five minutes. Then came back and told me Dr. Whatisisname was always in Green River on Mondays. There was no record of my appointment. It will take two and a half weeks to get in to see him. He's the hole in the heart specialist--Mr. Fix it. This means moving my followup with Dr Weiss, the Heart Rhythm Specialist. I am going to need an ablation. But the hole in my heart complicates the ablation some.

My Nurse Practitioner, who is the real center of the swirl of specialists, the one monitoring all my meds, and getting all the records together in one place where she can both oversee and explain the problems to me, was the last medical person I talked to before I crashed. I was in getting my clotting factor checked. I asked her what else the stress test and echocardiogram, and the test for the hole in the heart revealed about the rest of my heart. She told me that my valves don't close. My heart walls have "thickened" due to a life-time of high blood pressure medications. The valves are loose and flabby--thickened. I didn't ask, "Is this a problem? " I know it can't be good. I didn't ask, "Can this be fixed?" I don't want to hear the answer to that. I think my heart's broken. It doesn't help with the depression. But everybody's got problems and most don't whine about it all the damn time. This is something I'm going to have to work on.

While I was with Nick today I felt a bit as if we were minor, but interesting, characters in a complicated French thriller penned by an American mystery writer. It was a very neo-post- rationalist noire, glaring sun in an urban landscape, moment. I was smoking.

Now I listen to the talking heads tell us what we think and what we feel according to the polls. If they're right, we're fucked.

Depression, the Dark Slide

Depression is a damn dark place, even with the sun shining brightly. People I love annoy me with their cheerfulness. Kindness feels like intrusion and reminds me how sick I am, how utterly incapable I am of returning even a smile. The list of things I have to do grows daily, and I don't make the slightest effort, because just feeding the dog and answering the phone takes all the energy that I can muster. If I knew how to turn the phone off I would. I don't cry, that would require too much effort. I leak tears. I leak tears because Martin Luther King is dead and we still are a racist country. I leak tears, because I no longer have the energy to kill myself, and yet tomorrow I go to see the other cardiologist, the one who knows what to do with the hole in my heart--and I know nothing can fix the hole in my heart. Oh you can probably patch it up, but I'll still have a hole in my heart.

Phillip, who has helped me so much, now scares me. His anger is righteous. And I'm such a coward, I don't have the balls to listen to him. I have turned off the Ichat. I have disappointed him, and he had such faith in me as a writer. He should be mad at me.

Larry, my oldest friend and first boyfriend, is mad at me, or maybe he has finally gotten fed up with trying to keep a friendship alive with a woman who might just slap him in the face for no good reason. Maybe it's because he loved Maggy once, too. Maybe it's because he's comfortable and happy without me. Maybe it's just because I'm never stable enough for him to get the timing right--is it safe to talk to her now? No. No, it's not.

Last time I wrote a post it was to say I was giving it a rest. I was starting the downward slide into depression, and thought if I laid off the daily blog post, I might at least retain a bit of credibility, a bit of good feeling from my fellow bloggers. I said I was going to edit, finish Maggy, finish writing some short stories. I thought I would give myself a break and clean the house, work in the yard, loose a couple of pounds, pull myself together. But I'm just hoping for oblivion. You might be thinking, "Snap out of it! Get up off your ass and do something." Good advise, but mine are deaf ears, so save your breath. Nothing you can say will get me out of this.

Last time I talked to my shrink, it was to ask permission to increase the dose of my daily antidepressant. She asked me if I was into real depression. I said, "No, I'm leaning that way, but I think I can head it off with a slight increase in my dosage." I was teetering on the brink and didn't quite know it then. I thought I could squeak by, slip past the darkest part and emerge smarter, brain engaged and still competent. I was wrong. I am depressed. And now, like every other bout I've had with depression, I'm afraid I'll never emerge from this place where even despair would be something. There is no competence now. No one shouting at me to get off my ass will move me. Only my dog's needs for food and the time outside to pee, will get me out of bed.

I have increased the dose of my doxepin to 100 mg--the standard dose. It might work given a bit of time, but till then I still have to go to the heart doctor tomorrow. I'm paying a friend to drive me there and ask the right questions and take notes. I know I'm not capable of doing it myself, and she needs the money.

Nick wants to take me to a movie on Tuesday. I'll go because he's the only man I know who doesn't get mad at me when I'm an asshole. He takes my word for it that I can't help myself. In the meantime, I'll be sleeping with any luck at all.

She's Going Down For Awhile

It doesn't take much to knock you off that narrow fence you try to traverse in your journey through life with bipolar disorder. It's a high wire act to hold so still, while moving forward. Any other illness or new medical condition can trip your wire. The introduction of medications that might or might not interfere with your bipolar drugs can do it. And then no matter how careful you are, how little you do to stimulate or muffle your senses, it can just happen for no good or bad reason. And if you always were crazy for other good and valid reasons, whose to say whether or not it's bipolar disorder or general craziness that's sending you over the edge? But over the edge, and it might take weeks or years for you to regain that tenuous balance again. Or never. Lose your mojo and you just might never get it back. It might be just like love. Risky business.

There are so many prohibitions and restrictions. At some point you might feel straight-jacketed while out and about. It's embarrassing to be seen so addled, so trussed up, but opened like the acid moment when you understand that you can see under the skin, into the cell.

The one thing that scares me most is losing the spark that feels creative in me. This is probably all an illusion, but it's my illusion, and thus, my reality. And once lost, how will I ever know if I have it back, and if it's back will it feel the same, be as good, work as well? I am told often to take it one day at a time. So I get through one day, and then another, but day after day, I find myself missing. The thing that makes me the person I enjoy being is gone, and I might never get it back. And then the question becomes, how long can I live without the spark that makes me who I am? So finally, if I can no longer be the person I really am--the person I get a kick out of, the person who delights and entertains me with her dark wit and hard won wisdom--then what the fuck's the point? When it finally becomes pointless, it's essentially hopeless. And when it's hopeless, well, you might as well be dead, since you're just taking up space. And then I start counting the ways I could make it happen. My final creative act. This is something I've been contemplating since my late teens. So don't hold your breath.

I had a reason to keep writing this thing. I thought I had something to say. Now I don't. Sometimes I write such shit it embarrasses even me. And I'm not all that easily embarrassed.

Phillip, how about you take over for awhile? Or we'll just go silent while I finish editing "Maggy." I have stories still to write, but they are fiction and will be worked on in their own space. And since you are Sitenoise, what the hell do you need with the trouble that is Utah Savage?

I've probably said this before, but it's been fun while it lasted. Sorry if I offended you, or hurt your feelings, or embarrassed you, too.

Best Cornbread Ever, Thanks Nick

All-Purpose Cornbread

Before preparing the baking dish or any of the other ingredients, measure out the frozen kernels and let them stand at room temperature until needed. When corn is in season, fresh cooked kernels can be substituted for the frozen corn. This recipe was developed with Quaker
yellow cornmeal; a stone-ground whole-grain cornmeal will work but will yield a drier and less tender cornbread. We prefer a Pyrex glass baking dish because it yields a nice golden-brown crust, but a metal baking dish (nonstick or traditional) will also work. The cornbread is
best served warm; leftovers can be wrapped in foil and reheated in a 350-degree oven for 10 to 15 minutes. Makes One 8-inch Square

1 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour , (7 1/2 ounces)
1 cup yellow cornmeal (5 1/2 ounces), see note
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon table salt
1/4 cup packed light brown sugar (1 3/4 ounces)
3/4 cup frozen corn (3 1/2 ounces), thawed
1 cup buttermilk
2 large eggs
8 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 stick), melted and cooled slightly


1. Adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 400 degrees. Spray 8-inch-square baking dish with nonstick cooking spray. Whisk flour, cornmeal, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in medium bowl until combined; set aside.

2. In food processor or blender, process brown sugar, thawed corn kernels, and buttermilk until combined, about 5 seconds. Add eggs and process until well combined (corn lumps will remain), about 5 seconds longer.

3. Using rubber spatula, make well in center of dry ingredients; pour wet ingredients into well. Begin folding dry ingredients into wet, giving mixture only a few turns to barely combine; add melted butter and continue folding until dry ingredients are just moistened. Pour batter into prepared baking dish; smooth surface with rubber spatula. Bake until deep golden brown and toothpick inserted in center comes out clean, 25 to 35 minutes. Cool on wire rack 10 minutes; invert cornbread onto wire rack, then turn right side up and continue to cool until warm, about 10 minutes longer. Cut into pieces and serve.





STEP BY STEP: Preparing Cornbread

1. Puree corn--along with brown sugar, buttermilk, and eggs--to
eliminate coarse texture of whole kernels.
2. Create well in center of dry ingredients, then pour in wet
ingredients, except for butter.

3. After a couple of initial folds, add warm melted butter.
4. Working quickly but gently, fold mixture together just until dry
ingredients are moistened.

Diana krall Again

The Girl In The Other Room

This is one of my favorite Krall songs. No video, but a great sound. It's often how I feel. Listening to the girl in the other room... A bit like being a voyeur of one's own life, yet not taking part. It's the passive observation, when all else fails, that gets me through the day. Breathe in, breathe out. The life I'm not living is the girl in the other room.

Freida Bee, Go To Your Room!

I read you. I know what's going on. And what the hell are you wasting money on douche for when you can make it for damn near nothing, and not contaminate the landfill for the next 2000 years with cheap plastic bottles? It's a little vinegar and a lot of water. Use a funnel, if you don't have a douche bag. Sorry boys, this is probably taking all the mystery out of the faintly vinaigrette scent of so many cunts you've visited in your travels. And just so you know, if a woman never has sex with a man, she will always smell fresh as a daisy. It's the cum you deposit that gives the pussy that fishy smell you're all so fond of telling jokes about.

Yes, Freida, you do sound manic. But not in a bad way. It's okay to tie the children up as long as your leave a cell phone. Yes, leave the fecking cell phone whenever possible. You are then free to ignore any calls in coming. Let the children take the calls. Use a phone booth to call you know who. That way the cops can't trace the call on your cell phone. Get my drift?

Laundry should be left till the last second. It should have that lived in smell. Otherwise why wash it?

And I always thought taking the garbage in and out was traditionally a manly job. Not the thing for you to be wasting time with. You have many more important things to do. Blogging is best done early. Unless, like me, it takes six hours for the brain to actually kick into gear and you don't get up till noon. But you sound manic enough to blog in your sleep, so no problem there. So, how's the Zoloft treating you?

Faux News Gives It To Us Straight

Diebold gets it right one more time.

Almost Blue

Diana Krall and husband Elvis Costello
Almost Blue

Because I'm almost blue.

This is too good to be true

[UPDATE] For those of you keeping score at home, there are no typos in this post.

Nedra Pickler, reporting for the AP on McCain’s vice presidential selection (emphasis added):

"His top contenders are said to include Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. Less traditional choices mentioned include former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, an abortion-rights supporter, and Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, the Democratic vice presidential prick in 2000 who now is an independent."

via Daring Fireball

One Month's Unpaid Bills

Yes, only one month. I was supposed to tackle this pile of bills last night, and now it's almost 2:15 in the afternoon, and this is the first time today I have even glanced at it. I swear if I add one more piece of paper to this pile it will topple to the floor and them I will pick them up and dump them in the trash. This would give me so much pleasure, but would add extra charges for late payment, so... Today's the day I pay my fecking bills. I feel so very un-kick ass.

The two good things about putting off paying my bills is that once the bills are paid, I have to file all the portions that haven't been returned with the actual bill part--this makes it impossible for the recipients of my money to tell me they didn't get it on time or at all. Then once everything is filed, I must clean my house. I can't clean the surface of my dresser where the bills are stacked until I pay the bills. Work just makes more work and it never ends. Not a very kick ass sentiment, is it?

I have applied this same thought process with my garden this year. It's the do nothing approach to yard work. Since I have mostly trees and ground cover, I figure, if I do nothing, what lives will survive almost any kind of neglect and is then worth keeping. All the pansy ass plants that require tending to should die, since they are too damn candy-assed to deserve to live in a desert. Water is now for cooling the house, bathing and drinking, washing dishes. And the very rare scrubbing I give the floors. We are heading into hard times and must live as much like pioneers as possible.

The largest portion of my bills is medical. It was medical bills that forced me into bankruptcy in the first place. Until the heart went wacky, I was able to pay my portion of my medical bills just fine. Now the 30% Medicare doesn't pay is climbing every couple of weeks. And, sadly, the portion I can't pay is climbing with those totals. Oh well. Trickle down economics just trickles down so far. It does not trickle down this far. Never has, never will. And if McCain gets elected, it will only trickle up. He wants to put my medicare benefits in the Stock Market. I've been watching the market lately, and I have no confidence in the Market to manage my money, piddling as it is. It looks like a house of cards to me.

Anyone want to take bets on whether or not I get those bills paid today?

Thank You Diva Jood

Diva has given me an award. I don't know why--she has my vote already. I am to be the Chief Justice in her Court of Supremes, so why this? Why now? Diva, have you made a deal to give my job to UC? If you have, you'll see some kick ass, and it won't be blogging. I know LA like the back of my hand.
This Award originates from MammaDawg.

Thank you Diva, thank you MammaDawg. This is the Kick Ass Blogger award. So, I'm thinking I better get some kick ass in my blog. Lately all I seem to do is whine and complain. But, this will have to stop now. I must get all kick ass on you mothers.

The rules are the usual rules and we shall all follow them. Do you hear me? Ve must follow ze rules! Rule #1. Select five kick ass bloggers. Rule #2. Blurt out why you think they are deserving of this award--must have some kick ass in the blurting. Rule #3. Link us all together in some slightly sexual way. Rule #4. Acknowledge the originator of this award and also the lovely, generous, beautiful kick ass woman who is sending it your way. Rule # 5. Oh I forget. Get creative and make one up--but it better be kick ass. And must include signing Mr Linky. I tried, but Mr. Linky was not taking signatures today.

#1. e at StarSpangledHaggis.
She has recently taken to posting on the life political. Most interesting. She is so smart and funny I don't have any right to peek into her lovely, courageous life and comment! Who the hell am I to insert my opinions and observations on her parenting style, or her concerns for our collective future? But little stops me from expressing my opinion.

#2. Non, je ne regrettes rien.
She has moved her life to France, bought a house in a village and is renovating it. That's a kick ass woman. She has a living, breathing, sense of adventure. She has courage. She shares the minute details of her renovations and her reservation and doubts as well. All this she does in a country she has never lived in before, speaking a language that is not her own, and she writes so well about it all--the fear, the regrets, the courage to move forward. And when she finally gets a little strange nookie, I'm hoping for the frenchy details.

#3. Blueberry at Texas Oasis
She writes with wry humor about the small details of daily life as well as the big political issues of the day. She reads the good sources, and when she posts from a news source, does it with elegance. And she's a kick ass commenter. And in truth, we are sisters. We come out of the same raw, racist, cracker past. She's the good sister. I'm the bad one. But if she wanted to she could kick my ass.

#4. Stella at Swiftspeech
Stella always keeps me focused on the big picture and the little details that make it all so fucking scary sometimes. She remains steadfast in her focus on the life political. But her reading is broad enough to include me, and her comments often lead to the most interesting of threads. She was my first reader. She encouraged fiercely and pushed gently. She says I sometimes write like Dorothy Parker. I only hope Parker wasn't as crazy and inconsistent as I. Thanks Stella.

#5. Vigilante at The Vigil
I'm pretty sure some of the best political writing I've seen done at The Vigil is Emily's. But Vig was one of the other writers who encouraged me to keep at it right from the beginning. His blog is certainly kick ass and keep it honest. Smart and sometimes smart assed, Vig is also one of my favorite commenters on other's sites. I seldom see him on mine, as I have gone far afield and "off topic." Vig led me to Beach and for that I will always be grateful. Beach and I are related somehow. Thanks Vigilante. Also thanks for the spelling and punctuation instruction. As you know too well, I am not my own best editor.

Thank you for hearing me

Sinéad O'Connor

"Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me"

When I was a little kid I loved Saturday mornings because good things were on the radio. I'm so old now all I can remember about those days are Big John and Sparky and No School Today, and the song The Teddy Bear's Parade. It starts, "If you go out in the wood's today, you better not go alone.." One of you will find the rest of that song and sing it for me, I'll bet by the end of the day. It was always a good Saturday morning when I got to listen to Big John and Sparky, and sing the Teddy Bears Picnic song. It was my mother who I remember sang along with me. It was fun time we shared, and there was too little of that, so this Saturday morning ritual held great importance for me.

Now my Saturday morning radio fun time is the show on NPR called Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. I am one of the lucky callers who once won Carl Kasell's voice on my answering machine. When the show came to Salt Lake 6 years ago or so I went to see it at Westminster College. Wait Wait combines the weeks political news and humor, with regular host Peter Sagal, call in contestants, and a group of three regular and rotating panelists, and a celebrity guest. Got to go, it's time for Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me.

P.S. An old voice talent friend of mine just called to tell me that his first radio job was in Wooster, introducing Big John and Sparky when he was nineteen. He could hum the Teddy Bears March, but could not remember the lyrics. Even so, Scott Shurian wins the prize today.

Time to Get On Board

A pre-convention memo to Hillary Clinton

Ignore your sniping campaign team. Smart advisors would tell you to give Barack Obama your undivided support from now until Election Day.

By Joe Conason

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Read more: Democratic Party, Bill Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Joe Conason, Opinion, Democratic National Convention, Barack Obama

Reuters/Jim Young

Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. Hillary Clinton at a joint appearance in Unity, N.H., June 27, 2008.

Aug. 15, 2008 | As a candidate in the primaries, you received a lot of truly useless advice from your high-priced helpers -- a situation highlighted this week by the embarrassing release of some of their confidential memorandums in the Atlantic magazine. From the beginning, your campaign seems to have been impervious to wise counsel -- even your own.