Thursday, July 3, 2008

Bipolar Disorder, Bad News and Bookcase

I am apoplectic about the programing snafu at MSNBC. No David Gregory--instead we get Morning fucking Joe, who talks over his guests, who gives us lovely, smart Rachel Maddow (who's probably been shoved down his throat) and then proceeds to try to humiliate and dismiss her throughout the program. Off goes my email to MSNBC. I hate that fucker, Morning Joe. Thank god I don't get up early enough to watch that prick. Now no Chris Matthews, whom I hate, and yet still watch while screaming at my TV. But the ultimate atrocity is no Olbermann. And if Olbermann is having a little time off, then we usually get an hour--I repeat--one hour, with Rachel Maddow doing a fine job of hosting for Olbermann. Instead, tonight we get two hours of an old report on Warren Jeffs and the mormons who make up the FLDS. Off goes my second email to MSNBC--how I hate their programming idiots. This is the 3rd of July and is not a holiday. This is Thursday and now a day to skip the news. WTF! I'm so mad, I'm going to have to take a sleeping pill and sleep it off. And I'm hiding behind bigger bookcases.

It's becoming obvious to me, that I'm having what is known, in the psychiatric community, as "rapid cycling." It's a bipolar bad time. Worse than just a bad day--it's more like having a bad brain. We are all aware of the mind/body connection, and it doesn't take much wrong with one or the other to muck up the works. I have no real idea what has caused this bipolar melt down, but it doesn't take much.

For awhile when I was in group therapy and doing fairly well, a new patient would be introduced into the group who was "rapid cycling," and they annoyed the crap out of me. It's like getting whip-lash, trying to follow their conversational mood. And on top of that, they don't know they're doing it. Another feature of the phase of this bipolar cycle is the complete insensitivity to those around you. You don't notice that only you are talking. There is no time. It stands still, it means nothing. You have your need to express yourself, no matter how silly or full of shit you are, so you yammer on and on. I have raised my hand in group therapy, and asked the group leader if So and So, the person in the rapid cycling, is really ready for group, since they can't quite grasp the notion of sharing the time, that one short hour. They act like narcissists, though usually this isn't part of their mental health pathology. It's only a phase of the cycle, but it's damned annoying. And the answer to that question, is no, they are not yet ready for group therapy.

Well, folks, I believe I am in a rapid cycling phase. I'm sorry to have subjected you to it. And now I will give myself a time-out to pull myself together.