Monday, August 2, 2010

Bob's Back

Bob's home.  And I'm so relieved. Had I not gone all sleuthy and snoopy, I'd have never seen Bob again. And yet, Bob is already driving me crazy.  Soon I'll go to Pet Smart and buy him a breakaway collar so I can send him outside again.  Because already I'm wanting to strangle him.  He's very funny when he and Marley are rolling around on the bed looking like they're killing each other.  But when Marley goes outside, Bob turns his razor like claws and needle teeth to the fragile skin on the inside of my upper arm or my ankle, since nothing says loving like an ankle bite.

Marley is beside herself with joy.  I'm beside myself with relief.  Bob's just beside himself with mischief, so we're all happy.

Here is how Bob went missing: When Bob goes out he goes visiting, anyone outside working on their flower garden or sitting on their porch gets a visit from Bob.  Kids playing are treated to a bit of Bob fun. So when Bob saw several people on the porch of the only house on the block that's been converted to a fourplex, Bob went calling.  Thing is, these people were moving out of the front unit of the fourplex.  Instead of asking around before packing Bob up with their actual belongings, they just decided to take him, "cause he was so cute and friendly."  I'd never met these kids.  I had no clue that anybody would be that stupid and ballsy as to take a kitten without checking around to see who might know if that kitten had a home.  All my neighbors knew I was looking for Bob.  All these kids would have had to do was call across the street to Mayor Kim to find out who Bob belong to.  But no.  They just bundled him up and drove to Rose Park, which is very far from this neighborhood.When I was a kid my parents would have said, "Rose Park is on the wrong side of the tracks," and everybody knew what that meant.  But now, to me, it's just BFE.  Outside my territory, too far to visit, wouldn't want to go there anyway, and, if I need to spell it out, means Bum Fuck Egypt. I should probably look this up in the Urban Dictionary, but I'm lazy and still have miles to go before I nap.

So anyway, I don't usually walk down the driveways of people I don't know, but yesterday evening I was desperate to find Bob, I was snooping around all the cars and looking into the backs of the carports when I heard a soft meow.  I followed my ear, a tricky thing in and of itself, until I was looking face to face with a grey and orange tabby lying on an inside window ledge with the window open, watching me case the joint.  To my longing eyes, from across the parking lot and through a screen, that softly mewing cat looked exactly like Bob.  It wasn't till we were nose to nose that I realized this cat was a full grown cat of a different color. Goddammit!  And as this cat and I were having a conversation a woman walked into the room and said, "Can I help you?"

I told her the story of Bob's disappearance and she took me into the laundry room, the hallway with the open door upstairs.  No Bob.  Bob was gone.  I'd put posters up around the neighborhood. I'd gone door to door with all the neighbors, even to the woman who manages the fourplex, and no one had seen Bob after around 4:00 in the afternoon the previous day.  The manager had checked the empty apartment the kids had vacated and found no kitten, but said she'd keep her eye out.  But this woman was a lot more helpful.  I left my phone number with her.

About an hour later I got a call from the woman in the back apartment of the fourplex and she'd called the kids who'd moved to Rose Park asking if they'd seen Bob.  And yes, why yes they had.  In fact they'd taken him with them.  He's such a cute friendly kitten and they didn't know who owned him, so...  Little motherfuckers!  Fortunately they offered to bring him home.  So an hour later they delivered Bob, no worse the wear from his misadventure.  And now Marley is a hap hap happy wiener dog once again.  Bob's napping on my printer and Marley's napping on a pillow beside my desk.  Now I have to vacuum.