Holy Crap!!!

It was during the Clinton years that I did well enough to invest in the stock market. Within the first year of the Bush administration I lost 1/3 of my investment. I pulled my remaining money out of the market and put it in savings. Seven years later I have no savings and am struggling month to month to pay the utilities and feed myself. Every year since '06, I've been having to make payments on my property taxes instead of paying them all at once. Insurance for my home and car are automatically deducted from my checking account, but I've been thinking I won't be able to keep paying auto insurance for long. I'm your average older American. I've lived through good times and bad. But I've never seen anything like this. And I'm scared.

Merrill Lynch goes belly up? Lehman Brothers files for chapter 11? And John McCain says, "The fundamentals of the economy are sound?" Holy crap!!! And still the polls say the race is tightening? Holy crap!!!

Gardening

This photo is the spring garden.

I have planted, over the years, Iris, Tulips, Larkspur, and a number of flowering perennial plants whose names I forgot long ago. Now in early Autumn, the vines are full of berries, as is the Mulberry. Here and there are old clumps of mint in various flavors, most have bolted. Soon, the color will be extravagantly red.

I wish I were more the May Sarton type who used her garden well. The Iris beds bordering the front walk have become an embarrassment--too crowed. They have started to invade the little patch of lawn. If I were the May Sarton type I would dig them up every fall and spread those tubers around. Then I would have glorious bursts of fragrant, deep purple, tall, velvety Iris germanica throughout. But no, I'm not that type of gardener. Same with the Tulips in their many varieties and colors. I have some very fancy tulips. But my reason for planting so many bulbs and tubers was to eventually have the busts of seasonal color without the back breaking work.

Another type of gardener I'd like to become again, is a gardener like Colette's mother. If memory serves me well, the book or story I read long ago is called "Sido" or "Sidonie." I ran across it in an English translation in a small bookstore in Milan. It was early winter 1965. That was also when I read Henry Miller and Anais Nin too. But Sido was my favorite literary gardener, and I think I'm rather more her type. Never wanting to leave home, and claiming it's the needs of my garden that keep me here. Even so, Sido was certainly more attentive to the actual needs of her garden. (It was also the only non-fiction written by Colette I ever ran across. But with a writer like Colette, I'm rather sure most of her fiction is written from memory.)

I read when I'm depressed. I tackle reading as if it were a full time job. I have been known to read two or three novels in a day. Mind you, that's full time reading. Now I need that focus to lavish on my garden. I'll be sore from actually doing any physical labor. It will be good for me.

Another Day, Another Doctor

Today's visit with a doctor was the clotting factor check and the summing up of news so far. Wednesday next week I see the heart rhythm specialist about my fibrillating heart. We shall see. To ablate or not to ablate. That's the next question.

When I got home from today's long wait in another doctor's office, there was a message from yesterday's cardiologist informing me that I have to go to the sleep clinic and pick up my apnea checking equipment Monday afternoon. My dog Cyrus has an appointment with our house-call veterinarian for a refill on Cyrus's Rimadyl and a nail clipping. I'll have to try to reschedule one of our appointments.

I finished off the day with a shopping spree at my favorite thrift shop. And from the looks of my new winter wardrobe I'm going to be better dressed this year. These are the clothes of a woman who has a life. Who knew. I might start wearing lipstick and mascara again.

I Talk Politics At The Cardiologist's

I just spent about forty five minutes getting to know my new cardiologist. This is the "hole" in the heart specialist. It turns out that it's more a flap than a hole. In my heart (as is the case with about twenty percent of the population) this flap has not closed. Adults with this condition often have sleep apnea and chronic migraines. I have sleep apnea and used to have migraines. Now I have chronic headaches that are not classic migraines, but are debilitating none the less, so I have three options for headache pain--all pharmaceutical, all effective if taken at first inkling of pain.

But the thing that most interested me about this relatively young man was his willingness to talk politics with me. Now I have two cardiologists who like talking politics and tell me they are probably farther left than I. Do you think they are blowing smoke? If my two cardiologists, living in the wing-nut capital of America, are both Democrats, how many secret liberals might there be in the medical professions? I have a neighbor and friend who is a lefty lawyer. One of my neighbors just came back from the DNC (she was a delegate). I live in the heart of the Mormon Holy Land. Could there be hope? Even here?

Speaking of smoke... He looked at my chart and said, "You smoke" very neutrally. I said, "Yes, but I've been smoking since I was five. I'm sixty four. My quitting is highly unlikely. So far, I've tried every method of quitting. Nothing worked. I think you have to really want to quit to quit." He said, "Nuff said. Let's schedule a sleep test."

He talked about the research done on the issue of "to close the flap or not to close the flap," and said the results of the studies done so far are leaning toward "doesn't make much difference and can cause problems far worse than the unclosed flap." I said, "Good, well, lets not do that."

I'm gaining a couple of pounds every two weeks. I get that this works out to a pound a week. Oh yes, I get that. I asked the assistant, Lynn, if I was fat. She stood back and actually looked me over and said, "Nope. You're not fat."

I said, "Hallelujah."

Another Award to Pass Along, Thanks Naj

Naj from Neo-Resistance has honored me with this award. I'm sorry that it took me so long to discover its existence. I have been avoiding my short stories. In fact I have been avoiding most writing. I'm in the avoidance phase of editing. Some people call it
"Writer's Block," but in reality it's more a blank space when all ideas go away. I'm in that dormant phase of the creative process. I'll get over this soon and then I'll wow you with my razzle dazzle once again. But for the moment (in my case a moment could be years) I'll be roaming da blogs stealing good ideas from all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And just so I don't have to do it when I rip you off--I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll be sorry for the rest of my days. Because, I'm guilty, oh yes I'm guilty, and I'll be guilty for the rest of my life.... Because I never do the things I'm supposed to do...

Randy Newman tells the story of how an old writer feels when he runs out of material and finds he's dead...

Here is Randy Newman's take on Writing

I pass this award along to:
Randal Graves
Dcup
Diva Jood,
Linda Sama
Frieda Bee
Beach Bum

Swampland

Time Reporter's piece on the sleaze in the McCain campaign.

VPILF

This is a new word in our lexicon. But I am reassured by the young man who self-identifies as a Republican and yet plans to vote for Barack.

But it's the VPILF that scares me.

Dominatrix Candidate

Sarah Palin wants to discipline us all with a whip.

The naughty dominatrix is making John look mighty like he swallowed a canary and making Cindy look old. Cindy is starting to look like granny with platinum hair. I love Palin's habit of surging forward and slamming her arm out to point or shake hands with a well wisher, and nearly smacking whoever is walking beside her--could be John, could be Cindy.

Sort of Mavericky

The Republican National Convention revealed John McCain's entire campaign isn't about what is best for America. It's not about how to repair our economy or fix our health care system. It's not about ending the war or bringing our troops home. And it is definitely not about you.

No, John McCain's campaign rests solely on the man himself. His judgment. His temperament. His life story.

It's time for America to hear directly from someone who served with John McCain.

Dr. Phillip Butler is a veteran and a former prisoner of war at the "Hanoi Hilton" with Sen. McCain. He knows the real McCain. Now he has shot a 30 second ad with our friends at Brave New PAC to make sure Americans hear the truth. This is some of his testimony:
"John McCain's temperament makes it clear that he is not cut out to be President of the United States. John McCain is not somebody I would like to see with his finger near the red button."
The ad is smart and it is the truth. And since Democracy for America IS about you, we need to know what you think before we move forward. Watch it here first. Then let us know if you think DFA should join Brave New Films in spreading the word with a national advertising blitz.

This is your decision. We think this is a voice that needs to be heard and a discussion of John McCain's temperament and judgment that America needs. But before we commit to action we need to hear from you.

Please take a moment to watch the ad and share your thoughts right now.

Thank you for everything you do,

-Jim

Jim Dean, Chair
Democracy for America

(I know it must seem as if I have been missing in action--too lazy to write about my own take on the previous piece from the L.A. Times and this piece from my own inbox, and yes, you might have a point. But the truth is, my oldest, closest girlfriend was in an car accident that totaled her recently purchased Honda, but it also totaled the new car of the young man who ran a stop sign and hit her. What is nearly miraculous that both drivers limped away from this wreck that demolished both newish cars. More on this later.)

From the Los Angles Times

John McCain, Barack Obama both sell themselves as agents of change

Email Picture

Dave Kaup / Getty Images; Joe Burbank / Associated Press

Left, Palin joined McCain at a campaign rally in Missouri today. Right, Hillary Clinton campaigned for Obama in central Florida.

The candidates campaign in Missouri and Michigan, respectively. The Republican's choice of Sarah Palin as running mate has given him a boost in polls.

By Peter Nicholas and Michael Muskal, Los Angeles Times Staff Writers
September 9, 2008Flint, Mich. -- Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain clashed today over which presidential aspirant was the best person to bring about change.

Both candidates have claimed to be the true agent for change, an idea polls show most voters support. The latest polls also show that McCain's standing has improved since he was nominated last week, in part, because of his choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate.

McCain and Palin campaigned today in Missouri, a key battleground state, while Obama was in Michigan and his running mate, Joe Biden, campaigned in Wisconsin and Iowa. The Democrats stressed the need to fix the economy.

In Lee's Summit, Mo., the Republican duo again portrayed themselves as the ticket of mavericks, unafraid to take on their own party on such issues as congressional earmarks and political corruption. Energy independence, including offshore oil drilling, and the improving security situation in Iraq continue to be among their key issues.

"Change is coming, change is coming," McCain said.

Speaking in Flint, where the unemployment rate is 12%, Obama said McCain is attempting a wholesale makeover after running a campaign based on his Washington experience.

"John McCain and his running mate, Sarah Palin, at the [Republican] convention asserted that they were the agents of change," Obama said. "Now they're trying to repackage themselves. We've been talking about the need to change this country for 19 months. I guess it must be working because suddenly John McCain is saying 'I'm for change too.' "

With about eight weeks to go until election day, the candidates concentrated on battleground states. To counter Palin's increasing success with conservative voters, Democrats dispatched Hillary Rodham Clinton to Florida, another swing state, where she too stressed the economy.

Earlier today, Republicans attacked Obama for allegedly requesting nearly $1 billion in earmarks for his home state of Illinois, a figure sharply contested by the Obama campaign.

Alaska Gov. Palin again said that she had rejected an earmark for the so-called "bridge to nowhere," and the Obama campaign immediately retorted that Palin kept the more than $230 million for the bridge and used it for other transportation purposes.

Taking direct aim at Palin, Obama accused her of flip-flopping on her claim to have opposed the bridge that has become a symbol of government pork.

"She was for it until everyone started raising a fuss about it," said Obama, standing against a backdrop of hybrid SUVs. "You can't just make stuff up. You can't just re-create yourself. You can't just reinvent yourself. The American people aren't stupid. What they're looking for is someone who has been consistently calling for change."

In her appearance, Palin again praised McCain for backing the increase of U.S. troops in Iraq as an example of how he was willing to support unpopular positions.

Some in Washington saw the war as lost, she said, with no hope for any candidate "who would rather lose an election than lose the war," she said, using the McCain campaign applause line.

"But the pollsters and the pundits, they forgot one thing when they wrote him off," Palin said to cheers today. "John McCain refused to break faith with the troops who have now brought victory in sight.

"I'll tell ya, as a mother of one of those troops, that's exactly the kind of man I want as commander in chief," said Palin, whose eldest son is heading to Iraq.

The latest polls show the general election essentially neck and neck, which was where it was before the party conventions. A CNN/Time poll showed the race deadlocked at 48%, largely unchanged from the previous week, when Obama led McCain by 49% to 48%.

But another poll by USA Today/Gallup, gave McCain a 4-point edge among registered voters and a 10-point lead among likely voters -- a big increase for McCain, who trailed Obama by 3 points among likely voters.

McCain senior aide Mark Salter said the campaign was thrilled about the numbers -- but cautioned that it was a post-convention bounce and that another milestone looms in the upcoming debates.

"Obviously we had successful convention. People were reminded of who John McCain is. I don't expect the Obama campaign to take it lying down. We have two months to go," Salter said.

"We're very confident that we've been able to use both his vice presidential choice and his convention to remind voters that John McCain's whole public career has been about change. We've been under siege that John McCain is running for George Bush's third term. We've successfully reminded people that this is who he is," he said.

So far, the polls indicate that whatever bounce the Democrats received after their convention last month was short-lived, at best. Republicans did get a bounce, generally attributed to the surprise choice of Palin as McCain's running mate.

• 

  Blog: Top of the Ticket

• 

  2008 electoral vote map

• Campaign '08 Daily Newsletter

The polls indicate a greater enthusiasm among the Republican faithful after the nomination of Palin, who appeals to conservatives who were lukewarm about McCain.

Democrats, responding to McCain's surprise pick of Palin, sent Clinton to Florida today for the second time in as many weeks to campaign.

With some Clinton supporters still angry that Obama did not select the New York senator as his running mate, aides said that Obama will lunch Thursday in Harlem with former President Bill Clinton while he is in New York to mark the seventh anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks.

Campaigning in Kissimmee, Fla., Hillary Clinton focused on economic issues, a topic Democrats have made the centerpiece of their effort to tie McCain to the unpopular president.

Clinton argued that it was Democrats in the past who were eager to create jobs and improve the economy.

"Choosing a Republican to clean up this mess is like asking the iceberg to save the Titanic. It is not going to work," she said.

There's "a tough road ahead of us, a difficult election," she said. "People need to think hard about who will make the difference in your life. . . . People are working hard and falling further behind.

"Florida is critical and central Florida is the key to who wins Florida in November," she said, adding what has become one of her campaign taglines, "No way, no how, no McCain, no Palin."

Palin, at 44 the youngest and first female governor in Alaska's history, was originally to begin campaigning on her own this week. But she's proving a draw on the campaign trail, so the 72-year-old McCain decided to keep her at his side as they stump in battleground states such as Ohio, Pennsylvania and Missouri.

Palin's ability to motivate the Republican base also prompted Zondervan, the Christian book publisher owned by HarperCollins, to rush out a biography on the governor that will "explore themes from her career in politics, her life as a hockey mom, and her strongly held Christian faith," the publisher announced today. The book will be published Oct. 10.

peter.nicholas@latimes.com

michael.muskal@latimes.com

Nicholas reported from the Obama campaign in Michigan and Muskal from Los Angeles. Staff writers Maeve Reston contributed from the McCain campaign in Lee's Summit, Mo., and Johannna Neuman reported from Washington,

Ghost Dansing Said...

From my comment's thread, by Ghost Dansing

The Republican Party has become a totally rightist phenomenon in American politics. they are no longer a "normal" left-center-right Liberal Democratic party....... their fascism takes the form of government default to corporate plutocracy..... government has no function in their mind, other than funneling public tax monies into corporate profit margins, because laissez faire market economies bring "all good", and if the market doesn't address a problem, it is not a problem that requires solution.

In many ways their alliance with the so called "religious right", essentially authoritarian fundamentalist theocrats, is a marriage of convenience. they cage that voting sector on single-topic wedge issues like abortion, and let them run amok on legislation and regulation of "bed room" issues and all matters of human reproduction and death because it is a fine distraction, does not translate into regulation of corporate business activities, and by and large does not effect the rich because they can ultimately do whatever they want because they have the money.

it is actually quite a sickening brew representing a general, gradual erosion of truly American values such as secular governance and individual rights...... face it, a total ban on abortion really means that the State, not the individual, is in charge of what is happening inside a woman's womb...... how do all these "libertarians" resolve that conflict in their mind?

Americans will either take back America from the corporations and "religious right", or America itself will be lost.

America, in its preoccupation with Communism, ultimately lost track of the fact that America is far more vulnerable to evolution toward Fascism than it ever was toward Communism..... the Republicans, the standard bearers for "movement conservativism", found the formula to subtly and steadly move the American psyche ever to the right, to the point that many think of the term "Liberalism" as a dirty word.

the truth is, the American Constitution and the Declaration of Independence are quintessential monuments to Liberalism..... America is a Liberal Nation, and Progressives are simply attuned to the promises contained in these seminal documents.

by the way, there is some stuff out there on the internet that is radical liberatarian anarchism. they are essentially saying that the government is fascist because it requires income tax..... that is nonsense, and that is not what i'm talking about. the Republicans also capture that vote because if that Party's "small government" and "government is the problem" rhetoric..... the Republicans are about no such thing. they are about neutralization of the government of and by the people, making it subservient to the big Corporations.

my opinion is more like this: link 2

here's link 1....... why I say America's propensity is toward fascism versus communism......

September 6, 2008 7:21 PM

here's some more good stuff......

September 6, 2008 7:25 PM

Overheard At The RNC

From Salon:

5 a.m.
The only people around the RNC headquarters now are security personnel. Cops of all stripes circulate around the hotel, nodding to one another as they pass, keeping watch mostly on their fellow watchmen. Every once in a while, Charlie's voice crackles over the radio, "Wake up!" and my fellow officers oblige by telling lewd jokes over the line to stay awake. The agony of my ill-fitting cop slacks has given way to a mellow numbness.

I am now posted behind the RNC headquarters, at the back exit, which is an outdoor ledge overlooking a park. It's a lonely perch and the night has turned chilly. Fall is definitely in the air. A man in his mid-60s -- who, to my exhausted eyes, looks a bit like John McCain -- suddenly materializes nearby. Given that I'm dead bored and my eyes have begun playing tricks on me, and that I'm manning a post in the dead of night, I can't help thinking of the ghost of King Hamlet, disturbing the night watch just like this gentleman, with "a countenance more in sorrow than in anger."

All the hotels in the area are dark. Thousands of Republicans stir in their beds, dreaming thousands of dreams about Sarah Palin. But Charles Hunter, an environmentalist delegate from New Hampshire and a veteran of Republican conventions going back to the 1980 coronation of Ronald Reagan at Detroit's Joe Louis Arena, can't sleep at all.

"This is my last convention," he tells me, lighting a cigarette.

"Why?"

"I'm a real McCain guy. I served. But I liked the old McCain -- when he was a true hero, before he signed on with the yahoos. I actually believe in 'country first.'"

"Not a fan of Palin?"

"If I were McCain I'd probably bring her onto my ticket, too. That's exactly the problem. I guess I tricked myself into thinking that McCain, even after he watered himself down for the election, could somehow restore sanity. The Democrats tried to paint him as a twin of Bush. Not true. But Palin ... she does remind me of Bush. McCain has made a devil's pact and sealed this party's fate."

Even though he's older, he smokes his cigarette like a young man, with earnest haste, before he flicks it off into the dark.

"That's it," he said, "we're through. Even if we win, we've lost."

Emphasis added

I've been tagged. Watch Out, It's Coming Your Way

Non, Je Ne Regrettes Rien has tagged me in one of my favorite games--a simple meme. Thankfully not one that requires critical thinking or creativity. It does require a bit of introspection and a trip down memory lane. Get ready, don't even try to duck. This will be coming to a blog near you soon.

1. Where was I ten years ago?

Sadly, I might have been here. But those were still the days when I traveled, so I might have been in San Antonio, in a hotel room overlooking River Walk, eating my room service dinner on the balcony. I would have finished the meal with a joint, and then joined my friend and fellow make-up artist, Eck, getting drunk and disorderly on the River Walk. Or I might have been in Costa Rica, thumbing my nose at my first love/last love by staying at his Costa Rican lover's house in the wilds outside of San Jose. Or I might have been visiting my friend BB in Santa Barbara, staying at his house overlooking Hendry's Beach. His house was in a lovely location in Yankee Farm, right next to Hope Ranch, and walking distance to Santa Barbara's loveliest beaches. But probably I was here taking care of my crazy mother.

2. What was on my ToDo list today?

Not a damn thing. Well, not really. I did go out for provisions, but it was kind of impulsive and could have easily been put off until tomorrow. I had half way expected a visit from an old friend whose daughter is in town briefly, but daughters visiting are kind of like herding cats. They do what they damn well will. And then while I was off on my impromptu errand my oldest girlfriend dropped by. I was sorry I missed her, but will schedule time with her soon--like tomorrow. I wasn't even going to write a blog post as the billiousness of the Sarah Palin exposure had not yet left me. But then I went visiting and what do you know? I'd been tagged. It could happen to you.

3. And my favorite number. What would I do if I were a billionaire?

Well, I'd start planning some very luxe travel. I will no longer fly. Not even the notion that I could buy or lease my own damn plane would tempt me to fly. I loved train travel and ship travel when I was younger and never really liked flying, not even first class. But I would do some mighty first class train travel from west to east coast visiting blogger friends across the country like you Dcup, and you Randal and you Beach. You all know who you are. And then when I got to New York, I'd board a luxury liner of some sort (do they still exist, I wonder) and sail off to France where I would buy a little flat in Paris for my friend N,JNRR. She and I would travel around the Continent eating in the very most interesting restaurants--not always the best known, and stay in lovely small hotels with divine room service. I would give my house in Salt Lake to Ms M., and then relocate to Santa Barbara. I'd write and read and do good works. I'd live well, but not terribly extravagantly, and offer my hospitality to worn out bloggers and other friends seeking respite for awhile as they write their poems and stories and novels, paint their pictures, compose and play their musical masterpieces. I'd have a couple of cats and a couple of biggish dogs, and I'd be one of Santa Barbara's batty old women. Oh, and send some talented and interesting young people to study abroad or where ever. And when I die, I'd leave a bunch of very happy people richer than they were. It wouldn't be all that long a time to wait, since I'm am the oldest of you all.

4. Five places I've lived.

Paris, Texas
Milan, Italy
San Francisco, California
Middletown, Connecticut
Fayetteville, Arkansas

5. Bad habits.

This is easy. I smoke. Need I say more? Top that, you candy assed babies! I swear like a sailor. I like to be alone, stay up late and sleep in.

Tagees:

1. Dcup
2. Diva Jood
3. Poetryman
4. Beach
5. Linda Sama AHC

Have fun my darlings. And, believe me, it was a relief to avoid another post about The Pitt Bull in Lipstick.

From Immoral Minority

Thanks to Enigma4ever I was led to this piece, posted by Gryphon at Immoral Minority. Read this.

I feel some constraint since reading Liberality's piece yesterday about playing nice with the children. I get the fact that we should be better than that. But I'm afraid that if we are better than that and nicer than they, were going to lose once again.

I'm happy now ... (with the RNC)

It hasn't even stopped talking yet and she's obvious. I'm not going to mention the fucking hairdo or the way she talks without moving her lips very much, or the nose wiggle fuck, or the condescending jowls, but CLEARLY this thing is coming off as a smarmy little piece of shit. Nobody would want to fuck her now, right?

I felt it better/more polite to avoid dropping a C-bomb here but fuck, it was hard.

Vigilante, This One's For You

What can I say?

Maybe that this scares the crap out of me?!!! I think most men who've seen this Tina Fey look alike, Democrat or Republican, have thought, for just a nanosecond, "I'd do her."

And a lot of women are thinking, "I feel so sorry for her..."

Is this combination of instinctual reaction to something like a train wreck going to insure another win for a Republican administration that hasn't a clue how to govern?

Thanks to Diva Jood for This Fine Find

John McCain's unfit to serve. Read it, really.

From Linda to Me

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.
every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Tina Fey/Sarah Palin

I can't look at a photo of her without seeing Tina Fey, so I'd bet money Tina Fey will be praying Sarah Palin ends up Vice President.

It's going to be an interesting political season.

Kind of a Sexy Librarian Vibe

We all know that librarians are incredibly sexy--Lib's a librarian, Randal is a librarian, and I was a librarian. So no further proof that librarians are sexy is needed. But here is further proof that Sarah Palin has that sexy librarian vibe. Also I did see Cindy McCain turn a bilious green the first time I got a glimpse of the current Mrs. McCain preceding the sexy librarian up the steps of the said Mrs. McCain's own private jet. Picture it. First goes Cindy, then comes the Veep in waiting, followed by the gallant, heroic, womanizing nominee, with his face at butt height, hard on Palin's heels, and what lovely sexy high heels they were. When they get to the top of the stairs, they all turn to wave at the camera and again Palin stands firmly in front of Cindy and nearly slaps Cindy's face in her exuberant waving. John stands on the other side of Palin looking sheepish.

Here is Craig Fergusson's take on Sarah Palin