Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Bob's Meme Ends Up All About Balls. Who'd Have Ever Guessed It?

I'm not doing well. I have no inspiration. I'm a total blank. So what do I do? I go to visit Lisa. And what do I find? I find a meme from Bob. And even though I haven't been tagged, by god I'm playing, because what else do I have to do besides laundry and vacuuming and grocery shopping. So instead of doing all those hideous chores I'm going to play this game.

So the book I'm working on is on my bedside table. I grab it. It's Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine. Just a little light reading before going to sleep. Only it scares the bejezzus out of me every time I pick it up since it is detailing exactly what is happening to our economy right now (thank you, you neocon bastards) and hints at what the possibilities are for us if we don't get a grip and fast.

Anyway, I go to the 25th page, to the 10th word and of all the possible words in this terrifying book what do I find? "Purity." Purity? Holy hell! Then I go to google search and find these images of purity.

Research and learning on a variety of topics, from health to computers, parenting to cooking, brewing to politics.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

"Purity Balls", AKA "Chasity Balls"

Abstinence only Sex Education increases teen pregnancy rates. This is according to the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP). Providing contraception information results in reduced teen pregnancy rates. Despite the research proving this, many Conservatives insist in believing the opposite, and insisting upon fear mongering abstinence only sex education.

Now, conservatives have created "Chastity Balls" also known as "Purity Balls." The general idea is to have the father vow to protect his daughter's chastity in a wedding like ceremony, where the daughter similarly vows to remain a virgin until her marriage. They dress up, he wears a tux, there's a ring exchange, he feeds her wedding cake and the ceremony goes on to make the whole event resemble "Marrying your father" as much as possible.

Even nine year olds are participating.

There's even an Oedipal version for sons and mothers called an "Integrity Ball" that involves "telling boys to abstain from sex is so they won't defile someone's "future wife.""

The pledge read by the fathers:

I, [daughter's name]'s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.

I guess seeing women as property is perfectly natural to many even in this day and age.

Glamor Magazine has an exhaustive article on Purity Balls.

Bill Maher on the practice:

As pointed out in the Glamor Magazine article, kids who take "purity pledges" are more likely to have unprotected sex and get pregnant out of wedlock. Sadly, Conservatives choose to pretend this can't be the case.

Below is a promotional video advertising one of the firms who put on Purity Balls. Watch it, and decide for yourself.


Too bad Bristol didn't have a chance to go to a Purity Ball with her dad and Levi. It might have made all the difference.

I'm supposed to tag some of you, but you may be actually living a real important life with better things to do than play games. Not me. I got nothing to do now that I've put off cleaning for another day. I might read a little Naomi Klein and have nightmares in the middle of the day. But that's something, right?


lisahgolden said...

Holy crap! Now that was a gold mine. I'm glad this got your rockets firing today.

The whole idea of daughters being the property of fathers turns my stomach. Some of those passing the daughter from father to husband rituals and traditions may be quaint, but at their base, they are disgusting.

Utah Savage said...

No shirt. This does make it creepier than usual don't you think, like at a wedding ceremony? Even there it's damn creepy. It does indeed make the body of the chaste property does it not?

Utah Savage said...

I mean "No shit" of course. Who would ever say No shirt? Unless it was at a Purity Ball or inside a McDonalds.

jmsjoin said...

I know you are under the weather so I hope you feel better son! I just want to say Naomi Klein is right but it is even worse than that but enough of that.
I wanted to give you something to smile about. Did you hear Palin's daughter say listening to her Mother is worse than labor? That abstinence was ridiculous and not reality! I did not hear a word from the right on that interview! So much for all that religious crap!

Utah Savage said...

James, that Bristol's got a head on her shoulders. I bet she has some seething hatred of her mother and would like to leave the baby with her, and run off with Levi to someplace where they can be normal kids with a normal sex life, a little pot and a secure job at McDonalds or Wall Mart in a warm climate. And I'm sure they'll be happy to know that if that condom breaks they can get the morning after pill.

MRMacrum said...

Maybe a better name for the "don't touch me there" hoe downs would be to call them "Blue Balls". Because I don't care how much you read the Bible, if you are a male teen and forced to be in close proximity of women making you wait until marriage, it is a condition that will be suffered by all. Jeez, at least let em do some gropin and hopin. Testicular torture is only funny if it isn't you sufferin it.

Utah Savage said...

Hi MrMcrumm, so I hear. I have suffered the female version of that, but I hear blue balls is terrible. But isn't that what boys have hands for? Girls too.

Freida Bee said...

I read that Bristol said that telling her Mom she was pregnant was worse than labor....

It was probably the same reason she didn't talk to her mom about birth control in the first place.

Stella by Starlight said...

Why is it that people who embrace chastity are people you don't want to fuck anyway?

(paraphrasing Carlin...)

Stella by Starlight said...

Irresistable moment...

Well I'm upper upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire

I've got big balls
Oh I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

We've got big balls
We've got big balls
We've got big balls
Dirty big balls
He's got big balls
She's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

(We've got big balls)
(We've got big balls)

And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

Pyzahn said...

You say you have no inspiration, that you are blank. Geez, UT. You are the most prolific, creative, honest writer in the blogosphere. (tho, Bad Monkey, MD is right up there with you.) I am blown away by your energy.

Utah Savage said...

Stella, you just made my day. I will have to publish that. Are you the author? Oh my god, I can't stop laughing. Is there a melody? Can I you tube it?

Pyzahn, you're so sweet and I've been sick. I needed that little bit of back patting.

Sherry Pasquarello said...

i saw these before and they made me literally, queasy.

nice way to scew up your daughter for the rest of her life.

Randal Graves said...

Dammit, Stella beat me to it.

Utah, here you go.

susan said...

Too funny.

Utah Savage said...

Thanks Randal and Stella. Now a have a rainy day post. What generous colleagues in gold mine posting material. Gift from the gods.

Dr. Zaius said...

Ha! This is a great post!

The Young Swell said...

Start the little Quiver-Fillers out right with Creationist home schooling, their summers taken up with Jeebus Camp and playing Left Behind, then finally graduate the tyke at a Purity Bawl.

If those poor deluded kids aren't royally fooked up, it's not from a want of trying.