Sunday, December 27, 2009

Suzanne Horne, Bipolar Artist, Killed Herself Last Christmas Eve, 12/24/08

This is Suzanne Horne
I did not know Suzanne, but she gave me two awards. I didn't deserve them. She was so beautiful. Her site, Liquid Illusion, was stunningly gorgeous. It was sumptuous. Languid. Lovely. I could have been kinder, more generous, encouraging, but I did not know... And I think I should have.

I have been visiting her vacant, abandoned site obsessively this evening. I go back to look at her loveliness over and over. She was a poet, but I didn't comment often. I admired her, but I did not tell her enough. I know I couldn't have saved her, but I could have been kinder. I could have been generous with my words. She was a very talented photographer. She deserved more of life than this. She killed herself on Christmas Eve. A woman in her prime. Only forty two.

These are her words

If I have been a bad girl..........
It may well have depended on the situation at hand.
If I have acted out in a bad way......
I'm sure you know the conditions I was forced to act under.
If I was sneaky........
You'll know I had no choice in the matter.
(No rules in love and war, right?)
If I had bad thoughts dancing in my head.........
like really bad thoughts.....
you'll notice I didn't act upon those.
I just allowed them to dance for awhile.
If I was naughty.............
I was good at it.
No complaints.
Just requests for more.
If I seemed cruel and heartless...........
I just evened the score!
If you see me dressed somewhat like you on Christmas Eve.......
Please take no personal offense.
Consider it a "treat" for someone who has been REALLY good.
Oh, and if you saw me dip the cat's feet in red paint and toss her onto the trampoline.....
Well, you've got me there!

These are the words of Suzanne Horne, Liquid Illusion


Sherry Pasquarello said...

i understand.

lisahgolden said...

I've been thinking about her and that "it's about that time" post she put up last year, too. Such a shame, really.

I hope you're being good to yourself, Utah.

Utah Savage said...

I am being good to myself, but the economics of life are at an all time low. We are minus one tenant, so no rent in december. And it's awful weather. But I have a roof over my head and food to eat and the writing is going well.

Sherry, how are you doing? You are so cryptic sometimes I'm not sure I'm reading your posts as closely as I should.

Lisa, I was thinking about you earlier today. I'll drop by.

quin browne said...

i swear i left a comment before...

she had great words.

Mauigirl said...

Very sad...I remember when you posted about her death last year. I hadn't been one of her readers but went back and read a lot of her posts...thanks for reminding us of her.

Freida Bee said...

I love love those last two lines. Thanks for reminding us to think of Liquid. She was a beautiful person to know, even as little as I did.

susan said...

I remembered that too but her blog wasn't one I visited until you posted about what had happened. It was a very neat site and I was very sorry she'd left it and all the people whose lives she'd touched. Sad indeed.

I hope you're okay, Utah.

Hale McKay said...

I had been following Suzanne's blog for some time before she left us. She was a regular visitor and commenter at my site.

Such a beautiful person - what a shame.

On my sidebar (way down now) I have a picture she photographed. It was of a melting ice cube with a bow tied around it. It had this captian:

"Here's a little 'Liquid' gift for you each! Think of me when you add a little ice to your holiday drinks, 'cause I'm right there with ya!"

Shortly after that "gift" and on Christmas Eve she took her own life.

I've often wondered if that gift was a hint of what she had planned.

Thank you for revisiting and remembering a sweet and wonderful and talented woman. She is still sorely missed.