Credit Card Ads Are Making Me Furious

There is an ad running now about a woman who has to leave her home and her job to take care of her mother who has Alzheimer's. She gets behind in her credit card payments and starts getting notices from her card holders. And all she has to do to straighten this problem out is pick up the phone and talk to her credit card company. Have you ever tried to call your credit card company? It is an endless loop of voice mail hell. You will never get to talk to an actual person, unless they are calling you to tell you you need to sell you first born into slavery to make your damn payment.

I know because I had to fly to Santa Barbara (ticket on a credit card) rent a car (rental on a credit card) kidnap my crazy mother and drive her back to Salt Lake so I could take care of her since she had vascular dementia and was being evicted from her apartment. Then I had to get someone to watch her while I flew back to Santa Barbara (ticket on a credit card) rent a car (rental on a credit card) empty and clean her house and her storage unit and drive back to Salt Lake with her few salvageable possessions (her incontinence had left her clothing unsalvageable).

My mother required constant watching since every time I closed my eyes she ran away. She would go to the grocery store, gather up the crap she wanted and stand in line at the checkout counter. Then if someone behind her didn't offer to pay for her crap, the store would pay for her crap rather than have her pitch a fit in from of other people. I would then have to pay for her crap with a credit card. My mother started hitchhiking to another store, and got picked up by the cops. This resulted in my getting turned in for not keeping her safe. A charge just short of elder abuse. Then I had to get all the locks on the house changed so my mother couldn't run away, turning my house into a locked fortress to protect her from herself and me from the Ombudsman. And that was my last credit card charge.

Taking care of her full time meant I was unable to work. As I started missing payments (time gets away from you when you can't ever sleep or work or take a bath because something might happen to your mother) the credit card company started an aggressive debt collection campaign. I kept trying to explain my situation, but I guess everyone's got a sob story when they are unable to pay their credit cards. It was only when they called me to dun me, to call me an irresponsible idiot, that I was able to talk to a "real" person. They were in no way helpful. They suggested I sell my ten year old Jetta to pay my credit card bill. Eventually I was forced into bankruptcy.

One of my best friends has had the same credit card for thirty years and has never missed a payment. She was one day late with a payment a couple of years ago and they hiked her interest rate from 7% to 40% without notification to her. It was not until her next bill that she noticed the enormous change in interest charges. She spent a month trying to talk to a real person about her situation. The person she finally got to talk to said, "It's right there in the small print. If you read your statement you would know that we have the legal right to do whatever we deem necessary to protect ourselves from the irresponsibility of card holders like you who think it's fine to pay late or skip payments without consequences." This practice amounts to loan sharking. Now neither of us has a card we ever use to make purchases. We each have a debit card from our credit unions. I never use mine, but if I had to fly or rent a car, I'd need a card.

Fuck you Citibank. Take this card and shove it.

Hello Quizzy Gets It Wrong

Your result for What Do Others See You As Test...

41 to 50 Points

You've scored 43 Points!

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

Take What Do Others See You As Test at HelloQuizzy

Now I could go back and answer all ten of those questions differently and we'd get the real way others see me. Because this is not how others see me, I can assure you. I'd get a more accurate take on who I am by taking a quiz based on my astrological sign. I will not always cheer you up. And I might wish I could help you out, but if skill or money or physical activity is involved in helping you out, you're out of luck. I am not always cheery. Ask the manager at the grocery store. He hides when he sees me coming. Ten questions to get a take on me? Sure.

Awards Season Is My Favorite Time Of The Year

I got an award! Yea! Thank you, you Attentive Aphorist!

TheMom is one very smart and generous blogger. And she's a good mom as well, just ask me. If you don't believe me ask her, her daughter, son, and TheGrandkids, they will confirm my assertion. Because I never make assertions I can't back up as absolute fact, unless it's just my opinion. But even then you'll have to prove to me I'm wrong because, well, just because.

When I became a blogger I had no idea what a blog was. It had to be explained to me several times before I got the concept. At first I only posted essays about things that pissed me off, like, lets say Barbie for instance. Man I hate that bitch. That doll is responsible for everything that's wrong with us, from anorexia to pornography, from breast implants to the plastic surgery of the pussy, or a pussy tuneup, or whatever you want to call turning a well-used pussy into something resembling the pussy of a twelve year old. Barbie is responsible for Reality TV, and the lowered IQ of the general population. On no, now I'm really wound up and could just go on an enormous rant, but that's not what we're here to do. No, we're here to thank TheMom and pass the love along. We're here to bless the ones who got us started and sent us out into the world to rant and rave as we feel we must about the things that are important to us.

The ones who got me started are a young couple who live in New York and were visiting. They insisted that the blog was just the thing I needed and the world needed another ranting, raving lunatic with a bad attitude and the hutzpah to speak her mind. Well, world, what do you think now. Now I even twitter. Take that all you smartasses who never thought I had it in me. Actually I'd have none of these outlets without the computing expertise I receive from my blogmate Sitenoise, my favorite reviewer of off beat movies. So thanks for the start, Rachel and David. And thanks for the help Phillip. Without the three of you there would be no Utah Savage. Bless you my children for getting me going. Without you I'd still be sitting here scribbling on paper.

I hereby bestow this lovely award on:
Susan at Phantsythat
Boarder Explorer
Wee Mousie's Cinema Burlesque
Non, Je Ne Regrette Rienes

There are so many others who I'd love to give this award to, but knowing how beloved they are, I'm sure this award will make it's way to them all.

The aims of this award:

As a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.
To seek the reasons why we all love blogging.
Put the award in one post as soon as you receive it.
Don't forget to mention the person who gives you the award.
Answer the award's question by writing the reason why you love blogging.
Tag and distribute the award to as many people as you like.
Don't forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post.

Tax Protesters Take This Pledge

If you are a small government fanatic and believe that you should pay no taxes, I've got a deal for you. There just might be a way for you to get what you want--a government that does not govern.

So if I have this straight, you think all government is bad government. Right? Well in that case you could do a couple of things. You could move to one of the countries that are failed states and essentially have no government, like say, Somalia. Or you could pledge to never ever receive any of the services provided by the federal or state governments.

So, no taxes, no tax supported services. Sounds fair to me. But for you this means, no roads will be open to you and your Hummer. No police or fire departments will respond to a 911 call from you since these first responders are tax supported. They would only arrive to protect your tax paying neighbors houses from the flames of yours. No schools receiving either state or federal moneys would be open to your children--but you probably home school them anyway, right? No garbage pick up, and if you get caught putting you trash in your tax paying neighbor's garbage cans, you would be jailed. No water flowing from you taps. No electricity, no gas. Yes, I know, the utilities are privately held, but subsidized by... you guessed it, taxes. And on and on it goes. If you are willing to abide by the rules, maybe you can keep your house and car, but only if you pay your property taxes. You won't be able to drive your car since road construction and maintenance is paid for by taxes. But you will have to register the car, which is a tax. In Utah, you wouldn't be able to buy food since food is taxed in this neanderthal state. Tax on food is the most regressive of all taxes--it disproportionately punishes the poor. And so it goes.

The one thing you probably approve of is also tax supported and that's the pentagon, the military, and arms dealers. But thanks to your stance on taxes we won't be paying for wars you actually support but the rest of us could do without. Oh well, a loss for you is a win for us.

You must also take the pledge to forego Social Security, Medicare, or Medicaid. I could go on and on, but it bores me to do so, since I think you won't keep you word, you'd find a way to cheat and use tax supported services in an emergency. But to make it a little simpler for you to understand where taxes come from and where they go, here is a little teaching aid.

Would I Marry Me?

Hell no, I would not marry myself. I'd be awful and have expectations. I'd be critical and impatient. I'd bitch and moan that I was not doing my share of the work. I'd criticize myself about my poor skills as a cook and housekeeper. I'd want me to be better with money, to own and know how to use a chain saw, to be able to install another outlet in the bathroom and fix the drippy faucet in the kitchen sink. I'd say things like, "It was nice you finally decided to do the laundry, but couldn't you have taken the few extra minutes to fold it and put it away?" I'd eventually divorce myself.

So what made me think about the prospect of being married to myself? It was Lisa. It's her fault.

File This Under Fabulous

I am not a fan of... I don't even know the name of the show. I don't watch any "reality" shows on general principle. I was an actor with an agent. Why would I be in favor of "reality" shows? I've been furious at fashion magazines for using "celebrities" as models. It just cuts the professionals out of the paycheck loop. And the whole "reality" thing has lowered the national I.Q. in my opinion. We seem to be a nation getting dumber by the day. But I am fortunate to be on YellowDogGranny's email update list. And today she sent me this.

It was so lovely I watched in stunned, and goose bumped wonder. Do yourself a favor and see if I'm right. Granted this comes to us from the UK, but I may have to rethink my disdain for Idol.

The Great Teabagging Party of 2009

And then there is this segment of the Rachel Maddow Show. Ignore the brief commercial, the segment is worth the wait, believe me. And Anna Marie Cox has become my new favorite twitterer.

P.S. YellowDogGranny suggested we send Tucks to the teabagging idiots. I'm thinking that's a great idea. However these idiots and their teabagging parties obviously have no idea that teabagging is anything other than dipping a teabag in a cup of hot water. You can lead a wingnut to knowledge, but you can't make him learn.

If There is God

If there is god
In this she shapes
A humble kindness

A small brown box reveals these gifts
One large moist spicy pumpkin loaf
Heavy like honey with generosity
An old slim book of poetry
In each word upon the page a mans longing
And new to me
A card sacred for such touching humility

These gifts sent to a woman never met
Who writes her secrets on a disappearing page
Perhaps to never know if they are understood
Light sent into a void and answered like a prayer

And yet here is proof: a loaf, a book of poetry, a card

2009 Peggy Pendleton

Blog Against Theoracy

Are You In Favor of Theocracy? Move To Utah. Utah is a Theocracy. I know of no other state that can make that claim. I could be wrong, but if I am I'm sure you'll let me know. The Mormon Church has a strangle hold on Utah. And the group of wise old white men on your left is the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Oh yes, we have living, breathing, Apostles. Notice the pasty faces on these very clean cut, well connected men. Men rule everything in Utah. You'll like it here if feminism gets your goat. Uppity women are few and far between. And homosexuals? What homosexuals? According to a lot of Mormons, we have none. Oh yeah, Utah is the State of Denial.

Democrats live, for the most part, in Salt Lake City. Why is that? The University of Utah is a bastion of Moderation. Not liberal exactly, but moderate. In Utah, if you are a moderate, you are more than likely a Democrat.

And what do our Republican Representatives look like and how do they sound? Chris Butters is my favorite:



Come one, come all, bring your religious fundamentalist republican wingnutty selves to Utah, a state that welcomes you in all your nutty nuttiness, so long as you aren't gay.

And if I haven't convinced you yet that Utah is the place to bring your Theocratic selves check out these statistics.


If all you theocrats came to Utah, the rest of us could live in a country that might have a chance of being tolerant, inclusive, and free. Ah yes, let freedom ring for the rest of us. You theocrats can have your very own state with really strange liquor laws--heck, you could make it dry again.

"Because hate is legislated... "

This gift was sent to me by LeeAnn. It also came with a lovely large and delicious home made pumpkin bread and a card. I had never heard of Walter Benton, but I opened the book to the first entry, dated April 28, and it says this:

Because hate is legislated...written into
the primer and the testament,
shot into our blood and brain like vaccine or vitamins

Because our day is of time--and the clock-hand turns,
closes the circle upon us: and black timeless night
sucks us in like quicksand, receives us totally--
without a raincheck or a parachute, a key to heaven or the last long look

I need love more than ever now...I need your love,
I need love more than hope or money, wisdom or a drink

Because slow negative death withers the world--and only yes
can turn the tide
Because love has your face and body...and your hands are tender
and your mouth is sweet--and God has made no other eyes like yours.

Hello Quizzy Says I'm Ruth Bader Ginsberg

Your result for Which Supreme Court Justice Are You Test...

You are Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

You agreed with Ginsburg 88% of the time.

Ruth Joan Bader Ginsburg (born March 15, 1933) is an Associate Justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. She was appointed by Democratic President Bill Clinton with the support of Republican Judiciary Chairman Senator Orrin Hatch in 1993 and generally votes with the liberal wing of the court. She is the second female Justice, Sandra Day O'Connor being the first, and the first Jewish woman to serve on the Supreme Court.

Prior to her appointment to the Supreme Court, Ginsburg served as a federal judge for 13 years on the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. In practice, she spent a considerable portion of her career as an advocate for the equal citizenship status of women and men as a constitutional principle. She engaged in advocacy as a volunteer lawyer for the American Civil Liberties Union, and was a member of the ACLU's Board and one of its General Counsel in the 1970s. She served as a professor at Rutgers School of Law in Newark and Columbia Law School.

Ginsburg characterizes her performance on the court as a cautious approach to adjudication, and argued in a speech shortly before her nomination to the Supreme Court that "[m]easured motions seem to me right, in the main, for constitutional as well as common law adjudication. Doctrinal limbs too swiftly shaped, experience teaches, may prove unstable." Ginsburg has urged that the Supreme Court allow for dialogue with elected branches, while others argue that would inevitably lead to politicizing the court.

Though Ginsburg has consistently supported abortion rights and joined in the Supreme Court's opinion striking down Nebraska's partial-birth abortion law in Stenberg v. Carhart (2000), she has criticized the court's ruling in Roe v. Wade as terminating a nascent, democratic movement to liberalize abortion laws which might have built a more durable consensus in support of abortion rights. She has also been an advocate for using foreign law and norms to shape U.S. law in judicial opinions, in contrast to the textualist views of her colleagues Chief Justice John Roberts, Justice Antonin Scalia, Justice Clarence Thomas and Justice Samuel Alito. Despite their fundamental differences, Ginsburg considers Scalia her closest colleague in the Court, and they often dine and attend the opera together.

Ginsburg is part of the "liberal wing" in the current court and has a Segal-Cover score of 0.680 placing her as the most liberal (by that measure, which takes no account of judicial actions post-confirmation) of current justices, although more moderate than those of many other post-World War II justices. In a 2003 statistical analysis of Supreme Court voting patterns, Ginsburg emerged the second most liberal member of the Court (behind Justice Stevens).

Ginsburg was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in 1999 and underwent surgery followed by chemotherapy and radiation treatments. During the process, she did not miss a single day on the bench. However, during a routine health checkup in late January 2009, a CAT scan revealed a cancerous tumor in the center of her pancreas, measuring approximately one centimeter in width. On February 5, 2009, she underwent surgery related to pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer has an extremely high mortality rate, but doctors are optimistic due to the fact that Ginsburg's tumor was discovered at an early stage. On February 13, 2009, Justice Ginsburg was released from a New York hospital, 8 days after the surgery. Justice Ginsburg returned to work on February 22, where she proceeded to hear oral arguments for the rest of the day. On February 24, she attended President Obama's speech before the joint session of Congress, and received a warm welcome from both President Obama and the Congressional attendees.

Take Which Supreme Court Justice Are You Test at HelloQuizzy

Crazy Eyes Bachmann

Michelle Bachmann provides endless entertainment for Chris, David, Ed, Keith, and Rachel. But it is Keith Olbermann who knows how to make the most of her outrageousness. Between Bachmann and Palin we should have endless fun for years to come. Republicans seem bent on making themselves mockable lately, and mock them we will. Rave on Michelle. I know this is vintage, but it's fun none the less. And I hope Keith and I hook up again in my dream life tonight so I can comfort him properly. We were rudely interrupted this morning by my bladder.

A Day of Rest

I'm taking the day off doing nothing much. I woke up from a strange dream. I had to pee and I had a headache. I peed and pondered the dream. Keith Olbermann and I were talking about a problem he had. He was distraught. I had a headache. His problem was really serious and involved a child. I wanted to go back to sleep to help, but just when I fell asleep again, Roscoe wanted in. He comes here the moment Ms. M leaves for work. Then I got a phone call from some damned insurance company trying to insinuate themselves into my relationship with Medicare. So I woke up sort of screaming. The kid who called me finally said, "Mam, may I put my supervisor on?" I screamed, "Hell no! Just leave me alone!" Headache raging on. Then the supervisor was stupid enough to call me back. God are those folks dumb.


I haven't lifted any dumbbells or really much more than a finger today. YellowDogGranny always tells me either, "Tits out, chin up!" or "Chin up, tits out!" But I know what she means. I have to be strong and carry on. Yeah yeah, I know. And yet I slump against a pile of pillows, each dog at rest on the floor on either side of my bed. I feel like Cleopatra if she'd lived a real long time and grew sick of everybody but a very select few, and then by appointment only. The fridge is stocked. I'm hydrating.

I'm also thinking about all the things I'm pissed about and haven't written about for awhile. I'm furious at the religious right for being furious that state by state our gay citizens are getting their civil rights. I have yet to hear a reasoned, intelligent response for how a gay couples marriage threatens anyone. The problem for the religious right, those beloved, values voters is their ideology wants to limit my freedoms. My freedom to do something does not force a values voter to do it too. WTF? I think I'm working up a righteous blog against theocracy.

Anyway, I'm busy thinking and hydrating and listening to dogs snore.

I Think It's Going To Rain Today

Heal Thyself!

I'm back from the doctor's visit and running every possible errand I could fit into the pre-primetime news hours.

Here's the news from Chez Savage.

I got weighed and measured today. I've lost three pounds and haven't shrunk. It's my little Lenten Season Miracle.

I'm dehydrated. I told her that. She pressed on my forearm and said, "Yup. You are." I said, "I need to drink more water. She said, "Looks like it." We talked about the succession of symptoms I've had. She said, "There's a lot of that going around. Do you need to eat yogurt?" "No."

She poked me on the side of my ring-fingertip and we waited for the readout. I'm a bit too clotty. I need to increase my Warfarin. I bet anyone who knows me would say I'm way too warfarin' as it is, but so be it. A little Warfarin I will go. I talked about the lifestyle changes that come with Spring at my place. Since I got home I've dusted and moved the blue 8 lb. weights within eye sight of my bed. No reason I can't work on my Michelle Obama arms while watching the morning news, drinking my coffee and smoking my morning cigarettes. Oh yes, just one will not due. I need to smoke several to get my morning nicotine level up to par. And no, do not tell me to stop. Even my doctor knows better than that. The bronchitis has gone away.

I went to the bank, the post office, two grocery stores and Cahoots, the card shop by The Tower theater--Salt Lake's oldest art house movie theater. I only forgot one thing. And since I still can't remember what it was without searching for my list, which I probably left in the cart, it must not matter all that much.

I'll call Nick and tell him I'm ready to take him to lunch and a movie when he can fit me into his busy schedule. He really does have a very busy social life, unlike moi.

Off To The Doctor Again

Wish me luck, I'm off to see my doctor again. She will check me out and probably tell me I have a slow moving virus. She'll test my clotting factor and send me on my way.

My new symptom is a headache that never quite goes away. I know I'm starting to sound like a hypochondriac, but even if it's all in my head, it's real. You can't make me believe the days of diarrhea were all in my head.

Sergeant Myers Comes Home

This evening I saw the first casket of one of our servicemen arrive at Dover to be met by an Honor Gaurd. I can't stop crying. I have waited decades to see that honor bestowed on one of our fallen soldiers returning in a coffin from a war he or she was sent to fight in our name. It was so moving, so terribly sad. If it were my grandson coming back in a flag draped coffin, I'd want the world to feel my loss as if it belonged to us all.

Kindness and Generosity

If you've been following along, you might have noticed that I had painters in to repair a bit of a skylight leakage problem following the installation of new roofing on the little house. This is the interior ceiling of the little house with the small stain of a very slow drip over the winter. I know it's barely visible in this photo, but it's a faint light brown stain that starts narrow just at the bottom of the skylight and widens as it slowly makes its way down the ceiling toward the pipe that is my gas heater's chimney pipe.

The roofing company, Brady Roofing, sent the foreman of the roofing crew and a helper out to paint that one triangle of my ceiling. They did a lovely job, but I nearly killed myself getting ready for them to paint that wall. My two best and biggest bookcases are against that wall and they are both glass fronted. So to protect them I unloaded all the books and moved them into the greenhouse. Turned one bookcase's front to the wall and disassembled the other and moved it into the greenhouse. I took down art work from the wall below. It was a hard days work getting ready for them. And to make it harder I've been sick way too long, and am weakened by this illness and the emotional part of rejection of the novel has finally hit.

The surprise of this encounter with the foreman and his helper was the charm, intelligence and elegant English of the new guy. His name is Ricardo and I couldn't stop talking to him. It slowed things down and probably annoyed Omar, the foreman on the original job. What might have taken a couple of hours stretched into most of the day. I know it must baffle Omar and Brady Roofing that I won't agree to an 8 AM arrival time. I find it almost impossible to go to sleep before 2 AM, so getting up at 6 or 7 is a punishing call-time for me. If they were doing the whole ceiling I'd agree to the early time. But I knew it wouldn't take that long to do that one triangle. However, once I discovered that I had an intelligent man from Mexico working in my house, I wanted to learn something about Ricardo. He was willing to talk Mexican politics. Heaven. Hillary was in Mexico and telling us that the Mexican drug wars were our problems. This man, Ricardo, is a man who the Italians would have called "simpatico." I liked him immediately. And during the day of my asking prying questions I found out that he had been making his living as a handyman. I asked him what he specialized in and he said he could do it all--plumbing, electrical, you name it, he can do it. And based on the care he gave the painting I'm betting he can do it well. So I got his full name and phone number and planned to call him as soon as I get my property taxes paid.

Then I got a call for the charming man who owns Brady Roofing to tell me that Ricardo was offering to come back to paint the rest of the ceiling. I explained that I couldn't afford to pay him just yet. Mr. Brady said, "Ricardo wants to make you an offer you can't refuse. May I put him on the phone?" "Yes, of course."

Turns out Ricardo is willing to come back and paint at no charge to me. How is this possible? I could never let a working man come work for me and not pay him. That would be unthinkable. It goes against my sense of fairness and value for the skill and time of a working person. If you do hard work for someone else, unless they're family, you should get paid. But I'm not family. The weather has been bad here and the roofers are not working outside, so he says he has time and is ready to schedule the job. Still I put him off a couple of days. Then we schedule it.

I don't know why I thought Ricardo would only paint one triangle at a time. I thought he would be alone. I thought it wouldn't be too much to ask him to do the moving and lifting and draping. I just didn't have it in me to do that myself. I'm a ghost of my usual self. I made no effort at all.


Ricardo arrived promptly at 10 AM with another worker, a Mexican man who doesn't speak English. I was smoking and drinking my coffee and watching the morning news. And so they set about moving furniture, and taping and draping the walls, protecting the things that weren't essential to move.





And all the while I talked to Ricardo. And all the while I talked to him I schemed on how to make him part of my family. If I had a son I would want a son like this man. I feel kinship with him. I think this is part of the meaning of the word "simpatico." There is no English word that encompasses all that "simpatico" means. But kinship is part of it. We could talk about anything. I could wax lyrical about Ricardo and his lovely self, but I don't want to embarrass him. I told him I write a blog, and he just might see this. I tried to pay him. He said no. It's a really difficult ceiling to paint and in the past has required scaffolding. I argued with him, trying to explain why it was so important to me. How could I hire him to do other jobs if he wouldn't let me pay him? He still said no. When his back was turned I slipped a couple of hundred dollars in the pocket of his jacket. It wasn't a tenth enough. I was sitting at my computer when he left. He pulled the money out of his pocket and frowned at me. He handed it to me, smiled and shook my hand. I was starting to tear up when he left. This is how my ceiling looks now. More photos later.

I Don't Know What It Means But I like It

I think it was Tengrain who introduced me to Jane. In certain light I see a bit of Jane in Ms. M.

I was listening to the radio today and heard Jane Monheit singing "Like A Star." I had to stop what I was doing to listen. It was gorgeous and "Like A Star" was what I was looking for. I found this instead. I don't know what the Spanish means, but I like it.

I Apologize

Please forgive my inattentiveness. I have been sick. In the midst of being sick, the painting on one of the soaring triangles of my ceiling was scheduled. I over did it moving books and bookcases. Then I over did it after the painting was finished, cleaning things before putting them back. I mopped floors. All of this you know, but I have neglected you. I haven't visited. I haven't left you the love notes disguised as comments that you so richly deserve. Please forgive me.

The weather has been dreadful, either snowing or raining. Yes we need the water, but just when my pear tree budded the weather turned treacherous and we've had hard freezes at night. So much for a nice crop of pears.

And I have amazing things to tell you. Oh yes, even sick life swirls around me, and offers come I can't refuse. I should be confined to my bed, but my Imac is not in my bed. So commenting will be sparse for a few more days.

And then I must tell you all about Ricardo. I'm hoping he'll be my future son in law. Oh if only your daughters would let you arrange their marriages they wouldn't marry schmucks. Ms. M says, "Would you have dated a man your mother picked out for you?" And I say, "You wouldn't ask that question if you'd known my mother. She was a crazy bitch." Ms. M smiles and cocks an eyebrow in my direction and says nothing more on the subject. This is just the beginning of a very long story.

Now I have to get my orange juice and crawl back in bed. I've heated the newest sleep mask Ms M gave me at Christmas time. This is the first time I've had sinus pain in a very long time. But I'm so glad to have the comfort of this new sleep mask. Sky lights make it impossible to get this place dark in the daytime. Light is hurting my head. Every muscle and joint aches, and I'm running a low grade fever. Thankfully the mad dashes for the crapper have ceased. But now I'm either drenched in sweat or shivering. And I hate being sick. I still owe Nick a birthday celebration.

But don't be mad at me for not visiting you. If I had a laptop I could drag into bed with me. I'd be blog hopping like mad.

Buffalo Bill's

Buffalo Bill's
defunct
      who used to
      ride a watersmooth-silver
                                stallion
and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat
                                                Jesus

he was a handsome man
                    and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death


e e cummings


I awoke this morning with the last two lines of this poem running through my mind.

My Friday Poem

Running The Maze

Daddy was an expert at driving the lab animals mad
It was his job, it was his passion. Daddy had talent for it.
Daddy married a woman with a pretty child and no maternal
Instinct drove them to it. Unhinge that child Daddy, see what
She can take. The little whore becomes your slave until she is
Too old. Unhinge that child. What is she but a ticking time bomb?
Call her a liar and she becomes one, threaten the cage again, bind her
Mind with fear like Chinese women’s feet. Women are used to torture
The women her mother hates so much, apron wearing women, domesticated
Dumb cows. The girl will run the hamster wheel of repetition repetition repetition
Until she is the only one left alive. Alone at last. Talks about it like normal life, like
Normal life
Like Normal life.

2006, Peggy Pendleton

The Reviews On the Novel Are In

ABNA Expert Reviewer

Judy's narration that begins the excerpt is engaging and wry. However, as soon as she mentions suicide, plus psychiatric treatment, the tone turns abruptly somber. Since the narrator describes what sounds like severe depression, other details would be helpful. Does Judy live alone, and if so, how does she make her living? Or, as it's implied, her relationship with her mom, is causing her major problems, does she have any one besides the dog to take care of her?

The question raised is obviously why the daughter and mom have a strained relationship, which gets answered in the next chapter. It's hard to predict where the novel is going after that.

The anecdotes and descriptions used in the flashbacks are enough (to me) to illustrate the problems between mother and daughter. The part about the Dobermans appearing in Judy's Baby Book, nicely illustrates their friction, just as well as all Judy's explanation of why she hates/loves Maggy in the first chapter.

It seemed a little unbelievable that Judy would describe her sexual assault so dryly and then tell how she was suddenly hysterical. The aftermath rang true, but I didn't get a sense of how the child really felt as it was occuring. In other scenes the "child's eye view" was believable.

I'd either use "Chuck" or "Daddy" not go back and forth. The fight between him and Maggy is awfully ugly, especially coming right after the rape scene, and then the flight of Maggy and Judy. It's a lot of drama to give the reader so early in the book.

ABNA Expert Reviewer

"Maggy" is a story of a woman (Judy) and her narcissistic mother (Maggy). After the opening scene establishes the unhealthy releationship between Judy and Maggy (after a visit from her mother, Judy spends a month in bed recovering), we go to flashbacks of Judy's messed-up childhood. Some of the details are confusing: Judy first says she was set to live with grandparents at a very early age, but then goes on to give details of living with her parents from toddlerhood on. There's a pretty upsetting scene in which a stranger (whom Maggy stupidly trusts) sexually abuses a four-year-old Judy. Judy's father abuses her mother; there's no love in her family. This excerpt was compelling, though Judy is more pitiable than likeable. (She says she's had therapy. She needs more. A lot more.) I would probably keep reading, because I'm curious where the story is going.

Well, it's back to the drawing board. I have MRMacrum's edit, and these "reviews" of my first three chapters. I will soon start working on them again. For now, I'm a limp rag.

A Letter From Howard Dean

Among the disastrous policies of our government since Ronald Reagan pushed for it is the privatization and deregulation of everything designed to protect workers, their families, and the poor and disabled. This lack of care for the least among us places us firmly in the ranks of the rest of the worlds most repressive and poorest governments. It is not Socialism to care for the poor. It is not Socialism to provide health care for those whose health care provider has failed them in times of greatest need despite years of paying inflated premiums.

I wake up each day to a packed email box and 90% of my email is from various news and political sites. This was the email that I found needed immediate action. I post it here hoping you will sign this petition and add your own comments:

Dear MoveOn member,
I have an announcement. After four exciting years in Washington, I'm hitting the campaign trail again! Only this time, I'm campaigning to help President Obama win health care for all.

During the election, President Obama proposed a health care plan that would give every American the freedom to choose between keeping their private insurance—if they have any—and choosing a universally available public health insurance option like Medicare.

But for-profit insurance companies and HMOs are already working hard to strip this public health insurance option from any upcoming health care bill. They don't want us to have a choice, and they'll stop at nothing to kill real reform. Trouble is, some in Congress are siding with the insurance companies—and against what's best for the rest of us.

Today, we draw a line in the sand. A public health insurance option is the only way to guarantee health care for all Americans. And to show that we mean business, we all need to tell Congress we won't settle for less.

If 250,000 of you sign this petition, I will personally deliver it to Congress. Clicking here will add your name:

http://pol.moveon.org/standwithdrdean/o.pl?id=15863-8978383-8TyWzxx&t=1
Here's our message to Congress: "Give America a choice. We support health care reform that allows individual Americans to choose either a universally available public health care option like Medicare or for-profit private insurance. A public option is the only way to guarantee health care for all Americans and its inclusion is non-negotiable. Any legislation without the choice of a public option is only insurance reform and not the health care reform America needs."

The fight is heating up over whether or not to include the public health insurance option. This is going to be the biggest fight in the debate over health care reform. It would take the power away from the private insurance companies that have driven up costs and denied coverage for years—and they're dead set against it.

But I've seen firsthand what people power can accomplish. And I know I can count on MoveOn members to help lead the charge.
Now is our moment to stand up. Together, we can generate broad-based support for a public health insurance option. We will need to canvass our neighborhoods, call our elected leaders, and arrange meetings with members of Congress in the coming months.

Our goal today is to show Congress that we are many and ready to fight. Can you click here to stand with me?

http://pol.moveon.org/standwithdrdean/o.pl?id=15863-8978383-8TyWzxx&t=2

After you add your name, spread the word to your friends, family, and co-workers. Send a personal email and include a link to the website, update your Facebook status to tell people about the campaign, write a blog post about why you support this campaign—we need all hands on deck to win this fight.

Thank you for all you do.

Protest In London Over Banking Crisis

When are we going to get out and let Wall Street know what we think of them? The Brits are way ahead of us in showing their displeasure with the greed and mismanagement of our money. What are we doing? Well... I'm sick and I'm blogging. What are you doing?



This is last years protest. Today's was even better, and no one got shot by the cops or tased or had their skulls fractured by billy-clubs. I bet that would never happen here without a few dozen fatalities.

Down and Out, But Not IN London And Paris

I've hit bottom. Into my gut it has struck. I have a gastrointestinal disturbance. See I can talk nicely about these things. "These things" may be funny in their way, what with the sounds and smells and all, but not at a fancy restaurant, and not attempting to sit through a movie--I almost said "shit through a movie." So far I've spent some close personal time with my toilet. No vomiting yet, but I'm told by two girlfriends who visited in the last week, that vomiting is a component of this particular bug. So I will keep the puke pan next to the bed.

I was going to try to tough it out and go on my scheduled late birthday celebration for Nick. Since I was late to begin with, I'm now on the hook for making it real special. Well nothing says special like having your lunch date farting at the table and running to the crapper. That wasn't so nicely said, but some things require plain talk. And a movie is out of the question today.

I should just buy him a first class ticket to Paris. He speaks French.

Over Scheduling

Since last Tuesday I have been over scheduling and my body is paying for it. I ache everywhere. On Thursday painters were coming to repaint the ceiling. The interior of the little house is basically a square and the ceiling is basically the inside of a pyramid with two porthole skylights. On the west facing side is a large round glass skylight and on the west facing side is a small recessed glass skylight. When the roof was replaced a year and a half ago, the roofers left a tiny pin prick hole at the base of the larger of the two skylights. So the slow seep from that hole left a line on the inside of the steeply sloping panel of the west side.


The owner of the roofing company came by to check out the damage and then we scheduled the painting of one of the four sides of the ceiling. (Now the other three are slightly less brightly white). At the base of that portion of the ceiling is a camel colored wall that is twenty feet long. Against that wall was a a lot of art work and one very valuable single piece of hand crafted Stickley furniture--a hall chair, tall backed with a beveled mirror top center of the back and hooks on either side. The chair seat lifts up and could contain a chamber pot. But I keep winter hats and gloves in it. In the Winter I use it for coats, scarves and hats, as well as tucking winter boots under it. I have kept it in the little house for sentimental reasons, but it's too crowded in here as it is, and there is no way to appreciate its beauty when it's hidden under coats and dripping scarves. So I finally got smart enough to let Ms M use it in the main house. She has always coveted it anyway. Now it's back where it looks best. But it is oddly heavy. So I started the moving with that piece of furniture.


My two favorite book cases are also on that wall filled with a few hundred of my favorite books. The taller of the two book cases has a glass door with a lock. But I wanted to turn the glass to the wall to protect it from accidental bumping. And in order to turn it, I had to empty it and move all the books into the greenhouse. The other bookcase is also glass fronted but can be moved in four pieces. As one solid piece of furniture I would not be able to turn it. So I remove the top--a lovely lid of oak, and then empty the top glass fronted piece of its books move them to the greenhouse and lift that section and move it to the greenhouse. And so on. I have no idea how many pounds of books I moved on Tuesday and Wednesday.

On Wednesday I had to move my two ton couch. I wanted to get the Persian rugs up and out of the room. This involved a lot of vacuuming and the lifting furniture to uncover every inch of rug. I stacked all the rugs, rolled them up together and leaned the round tower of rugs against a corner of the greenhouse. Now the greenhouse is completely filled. There are more books than I can pack into the space in the greenhouse so I start putting them on the couch. And once all this is done, I have to drape most everything with plastic, including the red leather club chair I got from my grandfather's office in the Judge building. It was built locally in the 1920's by a local furniture company. It's the only thing I own from my father's side of the family. I move it and drape it.

It's tricky, but I manage to move the TV to my bedside chest of drawers. I have to tent it in plastic, but I cannot go an entire day with no TV. It's on MSNBC all day and I'm taping news programs I can't watch all at the same time. Then there is Cyrus, who thinks the space between my bed and the closet is a fancy kennel. He has a very large dog bed and another smaller round dog bed rolled up as a barricading pillow. He's fine with the guys, but the taping of plastic on the walls to protect the camel colored wall beneath the ceiling unnerves him a little. A portion of my bed is draped in plastic.

I had a great time with the two hispanic painters. Omar is the crew boss for the roofers and the fix-up boss for repairs. I thought Omar would be alone on Thursday but he has a helper named Ricardo. They are careful taping and draping. While they work I'm watching Hillary in Mexico talk about the drug wars. She talks about our responsibility for this war--our insatiable apatite for drugs, and our assault weapons going to the drug cartels. So now I want to talk to the Mexicans who are working in my house. It is a fascinating conversation. What would have been a couple of hours work max, turns into four plus. I especially like the new guy, Ricardo. And in talking with him I discover that he is a handyman. I ask him what he can fix. His answer is "everything." I like him even more. And he's so obviously smart. He's thirty one or two and very nice looking. His manners are lovely as is his English. By the time they're through I have his phone number. I have many things that need fixing between this house and the main house.

After the guys are gone, I have a large expanse of painted concrete floor and it needs mopping. So the mopping begins. Once dried, I shift furniture from the north side of the house to the west side of the house. Oh my aching back. I know from past experience with a year of sciatica, that I'm getting close to doing more serious damage to my lower back. Two things are verboten for those with sciatica or even a propensity for sciatica--vacuuming and mopping. Once the floor is dry I begin the rearranging of my big room. And back come the books, now in need of alphabetizing by author's last name. There is nothing worse than wanting to find a book and not being able to locate it. Well obviously that's a bit of hyperbole, but you librarians know what I mean.

And so it goes with the rehanging of paintings, the rearranging of furniture, the filling of the two big bookcases. I'm exhausted just writing about it.

Friday I start preparing for dinner with L. And you know all about that. I do one nice thing and seem to have to negate it with nit picking about literature. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Saturday, I am nearly paralyzed with muscle pain and fatigue and too much guilt. Do I call him and apologize? No. I do not. Why? I'm not sure. At least I didn't poison him.

Sunday I'm worse than exhausted. Due to the Warfarin I take to keep my blood from being too thick and therefore too clotty, I'm covered in bruises.

Monday I get a call from the owner of the roofing country. He says Ricardo wants to paint the other three sides of the ceiling. I say I can't spend money on anything until I finish paying my property taxes. He says, "He's making you an offer you can't refuse. Can I put him on? " "Sure, why not?" Turns out he likes my company and wants to be my handyman. But first he plans to paint the other three sides of the ceiling for free. Can't beat that. But I will pay him something. It won't be what he's worth, but it will be more than he planned on getting. Is it me or is it the glimpse of Ms M, when she came home from school on Thursday? It is Ms M. And if he hopes to court Ms M, he will need my advise. And only I know how long he will have to work here before they can first become respectful friends. It may take a decade for her to find out he is the love of her life, or not. But I will enjoy the story no matter how it turns out, and now I have a handyman. And he has a fantasy future grandmother-in-law to talk politics with.

Tomorrow I had a doctor appointment, vet visit for Cyrus, and the belated birthday date with Nick. I rescheduled the doctor appointment, but Cyrus is almost out of pain meds and needs to have blood drawn for another liver check. And Nick will wait until we're through here. Then it's lunch in a nice restaurant and the movie of his choice.

The next round of painting starts Friday, mid-morning. Thank god I only have twenty cook books or so.

I Feel A Depression Coming On

I've been hearing and watching a lot of hand wringing over Obama's firing of Richard Wagoner on Monday. It seems it's a fine idea to call for blue collar workers to take cuts in wages and benefits, but to hold the man at the top responsible for the failed policies of the company he heads? Well that is... well... It's just Un-American. Why it's fascism! My god, it's communism!!! No, even worse, it's a dictatorship!!!? WTF???

In my humble opinion the CEO's and other top executives of every financial institution in need of public tax payer money should be asked to resign without compensation. Do not start at the bottom and start cutting salaries. Since when were the workers responsible for the direction a company takes and for all the bad mistakes it's made over the last eight or ten or thirty years? No, it's the rot at the top that got us here. And nothing Rush or Bill O, or Coultergist or Rupert or any right wing politician says can make that come out differently. But what really baffles me is the oodles of time they're given to make that case on any network news show on any channel other than Fox. Why must we always give the Republicans and their right wing operatives the time of day to frame that failed argument? They have the entire Murdock empire to do that.

And what do we expect President Obama to have done by now to fix it all? How many days has he been in office? How hard has he worked? Seems to me it's night and day. He is reaching out to us, he is taking questions and making an effort to inform us directly about what he's doing. He is taking questions from us. I know how much that must piss off all the pundits, but I like it.

What I don't like is to read the same kind of criticism from the progressive bloggers out there. Patience people, please. Yes, I'd like him to legalize pot. But I'm not yet ready to crucify him because he has more pressing problems to deal with in this first six months. Maybe next year.

In the meantime I'm getting depressed. I may take a day or two or three off. I have been avoiding the political because there is just too much of it to focus on one thing. So I talk about the personal instead. I'm always paying attention to the political. Obama laughs at the overwhelming number of crisis situations he's dealing with on a daily basis, and the pundits fall all over themselves criticizing him for the inappropriate laughter. Oh get a grip you morons. If he can't laugh now and then when the sky is falling, then the rest of us just might as well kill ourselves now, and get it over with.

I'm Through With Love

Why Can't All Mothers be Like Jasmine

I have tried to post about this three times today and have now resorted to simply posting the link to the original.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I have spent my life trying to avoid being like my mother. I know that somewhere in the world there are good mothers whose children do not have nervous breakdowns at the thought that they might have to spend time with their mothers. I know not all mothers are as abusive as mine was. But I have done an informal survey of my adult friends, and though they preface their comments with this--"I love my mother, but..." What they end up saying is "I'd rather not have her visit me--she cleans my house as if I can do nothing right. I know she means well, but she makes me feel like a failure at everything I do."

My mother was many things. She was foul mouthed and confrontational. But of course she kept her abuse of me a secret from her friends. To her friends she claimed to love me, but was baffled at what a mess I'd made of my life. To my mother's friends I was a fuck-up and her cross to bear. To her friends she was a fabulous creature. She was beautiful and fierce. She was a pioneering feminist. She was unafraid of power and willing to stand and face the powerful and in a full throated blast call the powerful out as the frauds she believed them to be. She started the Utah Chapter of the National Organization for Women. She started the Utah Chapter of the National Women's Political Caucus. She won awards for her contributions on behalf of women. She was fearless and shocking in her confrontations with Utah politicians running for state or national office. She was a fierce advocate and champion for the Equal Rights Amendment to the constitution. What she could not see was that I was a woman too.

Though I was proud of her stature, and supported her causes, I kept my distance. She was on the board of directors of the ACLU. I was always a supporter of the ACLU, but avoided the board meetings, and tried to keep out of her way, which made me seem like a woman without a strong commitment to social justice and civil rights. Some of her friends tried to befriend me, but from past experience, I knew that my mother would see that as competition and betrayal, so I kept my distance.

It's easy to admire a parent with such stature, but hard to love one who claimed to have never had a maternal feeling and believed the concept of maternal instinct to be one more oppressive way men kept women down. I knew too well the way a child feels to hear her mother claim to feel no maternal feeling. It is devastating. It makes you feel profoundly unlovable, for if your own mother never loved you the way a mother loves her child, you feel responsible and internalize her assessment that you are not a child worth loving.

My mother always had me call her Maggy. To her the word mother was a diminishment, an insult. So she was always Maggy to me. And with my close friends, especially the friends I grew up with, she was a cold and dismissive bitch or she was competitive with them as well as me.

You would think my history with a mother I thought of as a political powerhouse and a bitch I'd do almost anything to avoid, would make me a sweet and gentle woman, uninterested in the political. But it hasn't. There are moments I fear I've been possessed by her malignant spirit. I am not gentle, nor sweet. I am not soft, I'm fierce. I do not treat the few men in my life well, though I'm glad I know a man or two who still speak to me, but I don't think I really deserve their attention.

I looked forward to L's visit and worked hard enough the week before to make every muscle and joint sore from the exertion. It was important to me to feed him a nice meal. He is a man who had a friendship with Maggy independent of his relationship with me. I think I still hold that against him a little. But one on one, I'm truly not much gentler or kinder or nicer than Maggy. My mother was competitive. Well so am I. My only saving grace was that I did not have children.

The Next Morning

We're having a blizzard. I just took Cyrus out for his morning pee and we have about 2 inches thus far and it's sticking. My car is covered, the cafe table in front of the greenhouse has a couple of inches on it. Yesterday was warmish and sunny. Today the snow is falling fast enough to cover the green that's emerging. The buds on the pear tree are white with snow. I hate this shit.

L and I had a lovely evening, but I fear my bulldozer approach to conversation leaves much to be desired for a man of his scholarly disposition. He is a philosophy professor, retired but still teaching a couple of classes a year. He loves teaching and will probably keep teaching until he dies. But I'm nobody's student. I've read as much or more than he, and we don't value the same writers in the same way. He teaches literature as philosophy. If I were a student of his, I would be one very argumentative and opinionated student, challenging his taste and conclusions at every turn. I don't think he enjoys this much, this intellectual bully I've become. And I realize as I write this, that, like a younger sister, I am always pushing back, always trying to prove myself his intellectual equal. We disagree about one of the writers he teaches, Penelope Lively. "I think her prose is thin and her characters a bit boring." I realize when I said that, I was poking him with the sharp stick of my many years of glutenous reading. Why? Why do I do that? He is a lovely man--kind, sweet, warm. Why am I so competitive with him? Odd that even when I was twelve and he was almost sixteen we were intellectually competitive. It was important to me even then that he know I was no light weight in the reading department. I had read Lolita, he hadn't. One up for me. He had read Thomas Hardy, I had not. On up for him. Let the battle of the minds begin. And yet I do still love him. I always have and I always will.

I did find out one thing about his "new" wife that made me think I would like her--she's a fan of fart humor.

And I did not poison him with my cooking. The meal was delicious. But I'm pretty sure I spent my sleeping hours farting. I wonder if Cyrus, my old dog, notices.

My Very First Boyfriend Is Coming to Dinner. Do You Think I'll Poison Him Too?

Yes Larry even predates Cal. And unlike Cal, Larry and I have kept in touch over the long span of years. It seems to me he has always been married, kind of like a serial polygamist. I think of the young woman he's married to now as bis fourth wife, but I could be wrong.

I am wrong about a lot of things. But still I persist in telling you how I feel. These are merely my observations and opinions, clouded by long experience, and my own skewed view point. Still, I knew his last wife and loved her. It really pissed me off when they got divorced. It was her choice, but still, since I am female, I assume he had something to do with letting her get away. He's a good man, a smart man, an interesting man. I have always loved him, but more like a little sister grown old who is fierce in needing some attention to the first man she fell in love with. I was only 12. He was almost 16. We were babies. And we never had intercourse or even really tried. Though we had plenty of touching and tasting and feeling.

He came to my sixteenth birthday party and I asked him for one thing. One thing that wouldn't cost him anything. I wanted him to have sex with me for my birthday. He gave me a Nat King Cole album. Unforgettable, was one of the songs. It was after that I asked Cal for the same gift. It seemed for a long time like getting deflowered by a boy was out of reach for me.

So, Larry is coming to dinner. I'm fixing stuffed roast chicken, steamed asparagus, cole slaw, cantaloupe, and cocktails --not exactly in that order. I have chocolate from France and chocolate ice cream. If all else fails I have peach pie. And we have much to talk about. We haven't seen each other face to face in so many years I've lost track.

Hello Quizzy

So far this is the most accurate test I've taken. Give it a try and lets see who you really are.

Your result for True Colors Test - A Self Inventory...

NT - Scholar (Green)

Congratulations! You are the SCHOLAR.

First, the bad news. On any given bad day you're most likely to be perceived as cold, arrogant, know-it-all. At times you are closed off and independent, seemingly absentminded, and have probably been told that you've got your head in the clouds. You get lost in thought easily, and sometimes you leave people back on Earth when you go off on a reverie. All of this means that you can come off as aloof and unappreciative of other peoples opinions. You know better, you're probably just smarter than them.

Now that we've got that out of the way, on to the good news. You are a critical thinker and an innovator. A lifetime learner, your passion and thirst for knowledge will entertain you throughout your lifetime. You are the "ideas" person that people come to for solutions. To hell with implementing the ideas, you'll leave that for someone else to figure out. In the meantime, you're probably always eager to share solutions and wisdom with those who seek it. You're good at being alone, and probably need alone time periodically to recharge and just be in your head. You're a visionary, mentally tough, analytical and capable of meting out judgment. You are highly knowledgeable and people seek that out in you. Try not to let that get to your head.

Scholar Traits:

• Visionary


• Conscientious


• Calm and patient


• Sees the big picture


• Serious


• Competent


• Inquisitive


• Meticulous


• Innovative


• Insightful and intellectual


• Adaptable


• Can never know enough

Take True Colors Test - A Self Inventory at HelloQuizzy

Susan, Bearing Gifts

Susan has shown me another, more contemporaneous version of Jeff Beck and I like it. I love the bass line, the slow build, the... Well you know what I mean.

Jeff Beck Group

I didn't know about Jeff Beck until Darkblack turned me on to Rollin and Tumblin with Imogen Heap in a 2001 Recording. But this is The Jeff Beck Group of my favorite decade and I was listening to Bill Evans and Miles Davis. Thanks for giving me Jeff Beck. Better late than never.

"It's Just A Simple Meme", He Said. And Then He Was Gone

But it has rules. Yes, there are always rules. This is painful, as I am unruly. And if you are squeemish and under 21 do not peek at some of the links herein. You will be offended. Oh well, here are the rules:

The Rules
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

The big Ape thinks of me now and then. I can die happy now knowing that. Yes I know I am a blog slut, but it's very safe sex because it's all in my mind. Okay, here goes.

1. I should be writing a book about the farting behavior of Americans. It's very strange. I'm not willing to give you details here, since you might try to scoop me, snigger, snigger.
(Well, one little tidbit). There is a huge Asian market for women farting. Honest to god, it's true. I know this because on one of Tom's overly long visits, he spent a great deal of time looking at either "Natural and Hairy Eastern European Naked Women" or Asian women farting. I thought the farting site was hilarious. I could laugh endlessly knowing that guys were getting off on the sound and sight of mooning farting Japanese women, probably due to a cultural tabu that keeps most women from ever farting in, say, Japan, for instance. Ring any bells with any of you repressed American women? Did you know that we all fart in our sleep? That should make you cringe if you are so repressed that farting is not part of the fun of your animal life. This is a bit horrifying, but in looking for fart sites, Utah Savage is right up there on top of the fart sites for Google.

2. I have trouble reading when I'm working on my own writing. But I am gluttonously, obscenely well read. There have been so many prolonged periods when I did nothing else but read, as if it were my job. I used to complain that there should be a professional career path for the obsessive reader. And I'm a literary snob. I admit it. There are certain writers I will not read unless I absolutely must. Like Stephen King, for instance. I hate his writing. I once had a small part in The Stand. I had to read that one. It was gawd awful.

3. The Unconventional Conventionist and I have a close personal relationship and we sometimes talk on the phone for hours. He was my first real blog crush. What do we talk about? I'll never tell.

4. My first boyfriend and I are still close. I was twelve and he was almost sixteen when I fell in love with him. We never had sex. He is coming to Salt Lake soon, like maybe this week end and we will see each other. Last time I saw him was just before I moved back to Salt Lake from Santa Barbara. I drove to Portland to see him. I stayed with him and my favorite of his wives. He and I played backgammon for hours. I was on a winning streak. He considers himself a very good player and continued to tell me that my last move was a mistake even though I was four or five games ahead of him. I went off on him. I though his insistence that I was not as skilled a player as he was terribly arrogant and condescending. Then I spent the next day and a half sobbing and unable to talk about why. It was a kind of epic grief and I haven't quite lived down the embarrassment of not being able to stop crying or explain why.

5. I worked for a professional gambler when I was putting the third husband through graduate school. The professional gambler was the one who taught me to play backgammon. I'm a pretty good player. Not great, but pretty good. Take that Larry.

6. I've mentioned this in passing, but I have a girlfriend who grew up in a Polygamist family. So I know details about the polygamists portrayed in the HBO Special Big Love which is based on the Colorado City group and it's Prophet, Warren Jeffs. Some of the shit they believe is hilarious. It's material for me, so I'm not talking about details now. Oh the hilarity of it all. And the generational cost, psychologically speaking. It is rich material. Magic underpants is the least of it.

So I now tag 1. Lady F, 2. Wee Mousie, 3. MRMacrum, 4. TheMom, 5. Bubs, 6. Sunshine

Sadly, I'm Not Here, But Imogen Heap Is Instead. Lucky You

World's Best Editor

MRMacrum has just given me 17, yes that's 17 very detailed and well thought out pages of editing on the first three chapters of the Novel, Maggy. I sent out a general call for help from those of you who are writers. And I did get a suggestion here and there, but MRMacrum took me very seriously and came to my aid in a big way.

I'm thinking MRMacrum is a teacher, or university professor. I know he's a damn fine writer, but the quality and detail of his efforts on my behalf are extraordinary. And so far I haven't found a suggestion or correction I'm not taking. What he's given me is a very carefully detailed map to every problem in those first three chapters and the solution to fixing the problem. Thank you MRMacrum. Now I have a mad blog crush on you. I hope this doesn't embarrass you. I know you're married, and a lucky woman she is. So I won't travel to Main to track you down. But I can't imagine how much time this took you. Not only did he give me a map to fixing what's wrong, make great suggestions, and correct my shitty punctuation, he did it so carefully, so meticulously, I will simply follow his directions.

It is my belief that every writer of long fiction needs an editor. If you are good enough or lucky enough to publish something that leads to publication of your novel, the publisher assigns an editor to you. It least that's how it used to be. I have a friend who has published two books, and the minute her manuscript was accepted, she was assigned an editor. Such luxury. However, I can't imagine a better editor anywhere than MRMacrum.

Darkblack Has Changed My Life

Very little brings me to my feet these days other than to move from one local in my small house to another. I take my dog out now and then. Once a week I go to the grocery store. I live in my head, not in my body. Not until today. I dropped in to see Darkblack today and heard this and it made me dance. I had no choice in the matter. It moved me in my blood and muscle, it made me dance. Darkblack, I love you like Tengrain. Thanks for the earthquake in my blood.



Thanks Ghost, MySpace won't have me. I hope this is better.

Henry Miller the Painter

I was a lover of Henry Miller's writing and didn't know the man painted until I was in my forties and living in Santa Barbara. My mother was the companion to a very wealthy and intersting woman who was an artist herself and a patron of the visual arts. Her name was Aida Siff. She was a remarkable woman. And through Aida, my mother met Henry Miller's last wife. I met her too, but only briefly. She was a very attractive woman in her sixties or seventies when I met her, and though I don't remember her first name, or even if she remarried, her fame was that she was Henry Miller's last wife. She had a great many of his original paintings, and gave my mother a collection of small reproductions of Henry's paintings. My mother was never a fan of Henry Miller, "that old misogynist," but she knew I was, so she gave me the prints. I never thought of Henry Miller as a misogynist, but I did think Norman Mailer was and not only that, he was a really shitty writer. I mention the two men in the same sentence because that's the way I read them. I must have been plowing through the M's or something. But Henry Miller led me to Anais Nin, where as Norman Mailer led me no place at all. (At least no place I remember). Henry Miller took me to Paris and a lot of other great writers. Henry Miller was a real artist. Norman Mailer was a bully and like all bullies, he probably had a tiny dick.

Love Is A Dog From Hell

Without the bar, without the "other" to love or hate, this is how I feel. Do you think this is something I choose? You would be wrong to think that. This is the way I am. Can you not be you?

The Personal Face Of AIG

Lulu Maude has written a piece about how the collapse of AIG has affected her personally. It is such a clear explanation of the cost of this debacle on the very real personal individual life of one of our own and our neighbors and friends lives, I beg you to go read this piece.

Forgetting the Important Stuff

Tonight I forgot whether or not I fed my big old dog Cyrus. I know I fed him at least once today, but I'm supposed to feed him twice a day and give him his thyroid and pain pills. I don't eat on a schedule, but Cyrus does. But I was lying in bed trying to find something worth watching on TV when I realized I might have missed feeding him. Not that he was begging, and it wouldn't kill him to miss his dinner, but the pills. The pills matter. I don't know whether or not it's worse for him to have too much of his medication or too little.

I used to have this problem with myself. I do not eat if I'm not hungry. So that gives me clues about the food thing. But the pill thing is always the same. I take the same pills or thereabouts at roughly the same time every day morning and night. And sometimes I think I took them but might not have. It is a mindless routine. Finally I had to start putting them in pill minders for a week at a time. Now I can know for sure if I took them or not. Sometimes I still forget to take them. I will eventually discover the error. But I never double dose myself like I used to. I have no daily pill dispenser with morning and evening measured out for Cyrus. Am I finally losing it? Do I even deserve to have a dog? So in guilt I fed him just in case. But I might have dosed him twice. That's bad. And in guilt I probably won't tell the House Call Vet.

Editing

I have posted these three chapters as they would appear in a book. The most recently posted chapter (chapter three) is posted last in the series, for anyone who has been reading along.

I've taken some very good advise on the first chapter edit from MRMacrum, a very fine writer and generous reader/editor.

La Belette Rouge reminded me that the "show don't tell" rule is a good one to follow. So all history of how this family came to be has been cut from chapter 2. I now begin it with the rape of the child, Judy.

Chapter 3 is very short and is the scene in which the Maggy takes Judy in the middle of the night and runs for it. So far, there have been no edits on chapter 3