Things You May or May Not Know About Me

Zack and Miri Make A Porno made me laugh, especially early in the film. It turns rather predictable about half way through. But a laugh's a laugh and there are damn few of them these days, so I take my laughs where I find them. It's not a great film by any means, but will probably become a little cult classic.

But what I loved most about it was that it brought back the memories from my sordid past. I have written extensively about my sordid past in my "fiction." But I have merely skimmed the surface. There are so many unwritten but related stories that just might make another book. I wrote about my brief career as an entertainment impresario of the mildly grotesque, but fascinating phenomenon of male strip shows durning the declining days of Dicso. Randal knows. That story is called Too Damn Big.

Within that story is another story called A Strange Woman. I actually rewrote A Strange Woman and Too Damn Big for Scarlet Blue. I named the female character Judith Blue, trying to get Scarlet's attention. Scarlet is a big warm strong light. She's nice to have around. I envy Fairlane a bit because he and Scarlet are close. But I'm grateful to him that she still has a voice there. I was very disappointed when she closed her site, The Invisible Woman.

Junior is the husband of Judith Blue and he is a professor at South West Missouri State, in Springfield, MO. I even thought the setting might be close enough to Scarlet's actual geographic location. Now I was not stalking Scarlet, exactly, more like throwing myself at her. And it worked for awhile. I think I might have scared her a little when I threatened to slit Progressive Traditionalist's (could there be more of an oxymoron?) throat right there in her living room when he got into a silly pissing contest with me about a short story Scarlet wrote. PT took to counting words to make his point and I pulled my weapon. I think I said something like, "Yo Mamma Motherfucker! Want to step outside?" He called me names. Well deserved and true, but stupidly obvious and completely unnecessary. I took umbrage. Shit happens.

Anyway, this little movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, reminded me of all the stories I have yet to write. I have barely begun to plumb the depth of my sordid past.

My Treat

Matinee Movie Thursday.



And we have fresh chocolate chip cookies to munch. Maybe munch isn't the best possible word to use here. I'll get back to you on that one.

I have Baked Cookies with Love and Chocolate Chips

Oh yes I have. Chocolate chips and a cup of butter. UmmmUmm good! I filled a tin and included a little fun surprise. I must be full of the spirit of love as I have summoned a long long distance phone call from First Love/Last Love. Notice how I capitalized that? He was in the plane on the ground In Dallas or Houston, waiting to fly back to Costa Rica for a month. It used to be the other way. He'd fly to the states when he had to get his visa renewed. He's been living in Santa Barbara with his second wife, restoring her house, or so he says. I'm waiting for pictorial proof. Hi Judith. Hi Emily. Your dad and I had a lovely conversation about you. He sounds like a proud and happy father. He says you'll set him up with the pictures and a blogger account so he can comment. I encourage you to do the same.

The point of this little diversion into my past love life, is to prove that there was enough love baked into these cookies to prompt FL/LL to call before flying. I have eaten two of the cookies to make sure they are delicious. I have filled the cookie tin and put it in a box. And tomorrow before I go on a matinee movie date with Nick, I will mail the cookies to Phillip. I do love Phillip, though I have never met him. He is my blog mate and Administrator and taught me everything I know about computing. I know that many of you have tried to help me. But it's Phillip who is the patient teacher. And he can come onto my side of the screen and fix whatever's gone wrong. And in the process he alarms my old dog Cyrus who thinks there's an invisible man in the house.

I'm sorry Phillip, I was an ass. It happens. I wish it didn't. Ask my first boyfriend. He knows what an ass I can be. I don't have great impulse control sometimes and my timing is off. I'd promise never to be an ass again if I knew I could keep the promise, but sadly, I cannot. I didn't mean to hurt you, or piss you off or embarrass you, honestly. I'm thin skinned sometimes in the spaces between being fine and being not fine. And in those moments I blurt out things I wish I hadn't. I hope you'll forgive me.

Lead me on Obama. You know I love it when you talk smart to me.

The election map changes.

Another Gem From My New York Friend

Hilarious account of your shopping exploits. I had to go to the local Fairway (aka embarrassment of riches emporium) a week ago today and aside from being joyfully teary all day my favorite anecdote is as follows:

I am doing the thorazine shuffle through the aisles with my fellow shoppers when I hear a boy ask his mother, "Why do we come all the way here to shop?", "Because," she says, "it's the only store that doesn't make me twitch." I crack up and she catches my eye, "See, she knows just what I mean." she tells her son. Oy.

Anyway - I see that you posted the Obama headline link. Oh how I love that. Makes me tear up still! But here is my current favorite.

Had to share it too.

xo~r

Mormon Controlled Businesses

The title of this post is the link for Mormon Controlled Businesses. Why do they have tax exempt status? Just asking. I found this remarkable link at the lovely Franiam's place. Thanks Fran. I'm like a thief in the night.

Am I crazy? Have I Ever Denied It?

I'm bipolar. Have I said that before? I think so. Probably a bit too often, actually. This is the danger time of year for me to have bipolar episodes. And forcing myself to interact out in the public in a time when I'm already pissed off that the day is gone in so few hours is almost more than I can bear. The actual onset of winter depresses me, and all I really want to do is lie in bed, but stuff needs doing. Not cookie making--I like cookie making. But in this particular point in the season, I grow melancholy. And in the transition from feeling fine to melancholy is a minefield of emotion like sparks and loud noises and lots of other irritable people, forced by the season to spend money they don't have. Property Taxes are due. Thanksgiving is almost here. Then Xmas. Sorry. That's how I feel about the holidays.


I forced myself today to maintain an inner calm and to be as kind to my fellow prisoners as possible. I went out of my way to help an old women (even older than I) find Rebocks at the department store that's going out of business. Then I helped her find someone to ring them up for her. The young woman who rung them up for her was sporting a spectacular display of ink on her neck. I complimented her on the beauty of this body art. And she told me her family owns a tattoo parlor in New Jersey. She proudly told me that she too was a tatoo artist, and showed me the canvas of her arm. A line of impatient shoe buyers formed behind us, so I thanked her and moved on. But I'd have loved to hear her story.

Off to the bra department relatively cheerful. That didn't last long. The cheerful part. Oh I remained kind to my fellow prisoners, but I hate the bra shopping experience and am always shocked by the cost.

Then up to bed linens and another pleasant interaction with a women looking for a particular sized and colored top sheet. Easily accomplished, I found what I wanted and went to the check out desk.

On the way out the door, an alarm goes off and a loud voice comes on the speakers telling me to go to the nearest check stand. It took me forever to find someone to tell me what needed clearing so I could leave this part of the prison that is the entire outside world to me. Life is hell. I don't know how you do it. You have nothing but my respect and admiration.

Then it was off to Big Lots! You can imagine how that went. At this point I was not the only cranky shopper. Lets have a round of scowls now. I did not find what I was looking for, but managed to spend near $100 anyway. Now this is a really bad sign. Spending money you don't have on shopping sprees is one in the constellation of symptoms that makes up the disorder called bipolar. Shopping with abandon is a symptom I can't afford. It's often the thing that brings a person with bipolar disorder to financial ruin and causes great stress and strain on families.

The last straw was the grocery store. Yes, I have what I need to bake cookies, and will do so with love in my heart, but I'll spend the rest of tonight recovering from the tantrums that went off all over the store. Not me, oh no I kept my cool, but children of all ages were having fits and their parents were having meltdowns and it was a bad time all round until I got the check stand. And I was able to do one last good deed for the day. I let the alcoholic lady with the cart full of Junior Mints go before me. She said, "Are you sure?" And I nearly got a contact hangover. But I smiled sweetly, I swear, and said, "It's okay, I'm not in a hurry."

And since I got home a couple of hours ago I've had three visitors. So I haven't had my news fix or my cup of tea. I haven't even unpacked my shopping bags. So for now, the doors locked, I'm not answering the phone and I'm resting.

Morning Light In the Little House and Things To Do

I have been up early finishing some bill paying, a bit of cleaning and list making. I'm getting ready to make my once (I hope) weekly trip to the stores. One of the few department stores I shop at (mostly due to it's close proximity to home) is going out of business--it's a sign of the times. They are one of the few places that sell bedding where you can buy single sheets rather than sets. They're having a sale, and it will be a long damn time before I buy more sheets, so before they close their doors, I will buy one top sheet, two king sized pillow cases, a new bra, some undies, and some winter boots.

While I'm in Sugar House, the location for this particular shopping trip, I'll go to Big Lots, to buy some cookie tins for mailing cookies to Phillip. (Since I have become your cookie making, care-package sending friend, you might want to tone down the snark a tad dear.)

And my last stop, out in the world today will be the grocery store to buy chocolate chips, more flour, more butter, and more organic vanilla for your cookie loving pleasure. Are you listening dear? I'll also try to find a box I don't have to buy to pack this care-package up for shipping.

Once home from this adventure, I'll spend what's left of the day baking cookies and getting Phillip's cookies tinned and packed and taken to Kinkos where they have a Fed Ex center for shipping these cookies to Phillip. So next time you have something harsh to say to me, please remember who bakes your cookies.

Take a Look at This

The link is in the title to this post. This came to me in an email from my smart young friend Rachel, who lives in New York.

Thank You My Dear Ms Liberality

Liberality, my favorite librarian, (sorry Randal--I hardly think of you as a librarian, but more a bon vivant. Must be the monocle) and a librarian who loves her job, unlike some librarians, one of whom I just called a Frenchy name, has been one of the most encouraging of blogging friends. Lib gave me my first award ever. Ever, ever. It felt like it was an Oscar, or a Pulitzer. Go ahead laugh. I don't care. That's just how it felt. Mythic, monumental, as if I had arrived at last. And now she's done it again. At that time I didn't know how to even pick up my award and bring it home--it took days and help from my IT friend to get it home. I knew so little I couldn't link or embed, or label or anything. My site was very primitive and slapdash. But with help from all of you, I'm learning a thing or two. And in this (almost) year of blogging Liberality has given me the bookends of two awards. First was the E for excellence in blogging, and now The Superior Scribbler Award. I can't thank you enough for this, and as I sit here typing, tears pool in my eyes at your kindness and generosity.

Along with receiving an award like this is the responsibility and pleasure of getting to pass it on to some of my favorite bloggers.

Dcup of Politits is the tits. Even before I'd ever heard of Dcup, I used that expression to call something great--"It's the tits." Her site Politits, tickles me just to say it. Like Liberality, Dcup is a wonderful writer and a generous blogger who gives even those we don't agree with the opportunity to share their views in a potentially hostile environment under her sheltering kindness. She's a better woman than I in that respect. She is also a blogger with the soul of a serious creative writer. She will publish a book someday. She may even beat me to it. And she's sensitive enough to know when an email is in order. I trust her to tell me if I've lost my mind and am writing gibberish. Unlike some of you. You know who your are.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien is my favorite Expat. Her writing is superb despite her disclaimers. And she is chronicling her adventures in remodeling an old house in a village in France. When she gets all the hard work done, we should all drop in. She's doing what I wish I had done when I was young enough to have that kind of courage. She's taking pictures of the process, as well as writing about the details.

Dusty, of It's My Right To Be Left of Center, is one very ferocious political writer. I often look to Dusty to find the story no one else is writing about. And it's always something that needs a closer look. She is a collegial blogger, kind enough to host a site for those of us who want to work on new or ongoing creative projects. And she has great technical skills, and is willing to share her knowledge with those less skilled--like me.

Stella of Swiftspeech was my first reader willing to leave a comment. You can't imagine the thrill of that first comment. Her comments are often so intelligent and insightful they often deserve their own post. She read a bit of my fiction, and compared me to Dorothy Parker. You cannot imagine what a thrill that was. I had never read any Parker, but knew of her reputation as a wit and stature as one of the greats of her generation. Some day I want to gather with these women at the round table at the Algonquin. I'll wear red lipstick for the occasion. See you there Stella.

Diva Jood of Journeys with Jood, our own personal travel agent is also one hell of a political writer and a woman who shares her passion and her pain with us. She was our nominee for President and many of us were counting on her taking us with her to the White House. I had plans to be her Big Chief of the Supreems, but even though we lost this time, we are not giving up our ambitions for the future. And needless to say, we are thrilled with our rival's success. We like change, we like hope. And we will continue to scrutinize our government and try to keep it honest. yes, I am an optimist, and so is Diva Jood. She is a friend of mine. Here's to you Diva!

Linda Sama The Ageless Hippie Chick gave me the Rebel Grrrl Award. This was the validation I'd always wanted and I was 63 when it finally came my way. New to blogging, woefully under skilled in computing sense, and thinking my time was so far past--to find myself finally called The Rebel Grrrl and finally getting an award for it, make me feel hipper than hip. Linda is my fierce and righteous spiritual adviser. I can attest to the wondrous workings of karma. And since I did not skydive, learn to ride a Harley Fat Boy, get a tattoo on my ass before I reached fifty, I felt I was a bit of a fraud as a Rebel Grrrl. But that doubt lasted only a moment.

These are my sisters of the traveling pants.

There are so many other great bloggers that deserve praise and awards, but I can hear the music starting to play and the guy with the hook is waiting in the wings. Besides that, when these five get through passing out awards and they pass out awards, well... You know you'll probably be next. So start working on your acceptance speeches.

Rainy Monday Morning

Check Out This Site

Change.Gov is the best sign of good things to come. I found this link at Big Yellow Forehead's place.

What Stella Said

Stella said...

On behalf of California, I apologize. We have a lot of non-Californians in our state that don't understand our culture and values. Of course I voted against banning gay marriage.

Attorney General Jerry Brown, who was our governor and may be running again in 2010, said that he would stand by the voters' choice, but anyone who got married when the California Supreme Court sanctioned gay marriage would continue to be recognized married. He was against the measure.

Ghost dancing is absolutely correct perhaps the issue of Church-State separation is what truly needs to be examined here. What got voted in were Christian values. Our Founding Fathers were Deists, particularly Thomas Paine, George Washington, and James Madison.

So, I am particularly angered by this proposition and consider the entire matter unconstitutional in violating the Fourth Amendment. The wonderful Margaret Cho stated: I am totally disgusted and furious that now there is a ban on gay marriage in California. So my happiness about Obama is tempered by my anger about Prop 8. Still, we cannot give up on the struggle. This is just a reason to fight harder to make gay marriage legal again. We can overturn the ban. We lost this by such a narrow margin. It was only a few votes. We could take it back.

I feel the same way.

There is already a lawsuit pending by the ACLU and LAMBDA, among others, appealing the vote. Last night, there were 3,000 people in the streets protesting the Yes on 8 win and strong support to overturn this mess: Numerous public figures have spoken out against Proposition 8, including President-elect Barack Obama, Vice President-elect Joseph Biden... It's not over.

And then Stella said this...


Blogger Stella said...

Last decent Republican:

At 85, after a life in politics spanning five decades (he retired from the Senate in 1987), Mr. Conservative has found himself an unlikely new career: as a gay rights activist. While that's not his sole pursuit – he returned to Capitol Hill yesterday to testify in favor of scenic overflights of the Grand Canyon – in recent years he's championed homosexuals serving in the military and has worked locally to stop businesses in Phoenix from hiring on the basis of sexual orientation. This month he signed on as honorary co-chairman of a drive to pass a federal law preventing job discrimination against homosexuals. The effort, dubbed Americans Against Discrimination, is being spearheaded by the Human Rights Campaign Fund, the influential gay lobbying organization.

"The big thing is to make this country, along with every other country in the world with a few exceptions, quit discriminating against people just because they're gay," Goldwater asserts. "You don't have to agree with it, but they have a constitutional right to be gay. And that's what brings me into it."

Her comments were in response to this post by me:


I'm furious that in a moment when we made history by proving to ourselves and the world that we have overcome our racism enough to elect a black President, we want to rescind the civil rights of gay Americans who live in California, a state we like to think of as progressive. I know there were several other states that passed similar measures to prohibit the marriage of gay couples, but they are not states with the reputation for tolerance and inclusion that Californian has. Rachel Maddow pointed out that there were also measures on many states ballots that made the use and possession of small amounts of marijuana legal. But not gay marriage. We are now more afraid of "the gays" having the same civil rights as the rest of America's citizens than we are of the pot smokers. We have a long way to go baby.

I remember a time when it was not legal for a black person to marry a white person in many states. This is no different an issue. It is an embarrassment and shame to all of us that we tolerate this kind of intolerance in our state constitutions.

Marv Fleming Now

Marv might be single.

The Sheltering Tree Is Bare

Only a couple of weeks ago the leaves on the green ash tree were brilliant gold. It is now a bare and fragile looking skeleton of a tree, towering over the big house. It takes several days to get all those leaves raked and bagged and carried to the curb for the city leaf pick-up. So we have one tree bare and cleaned up after, and about thirty to go.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

The official info on Roy Jefferson is linked to the title.

The young man I called the Washington boy, was really the Jefferson boy. Roy Jefferson to be precise. He and Marv Fleming were both Texas boys and both had football scholarships to the University of Utah. Roy and Marv were both handsome young men, smart, charming and kind. I had made a vow early in my high school days never ever to date an athlete or a frat boy. I stuck to my guns on that so I was always the friend of the girl who dated the athlete. Frat boys were beneath contempt in my book, so I wouldn't even have a girlfriend stupid enough to date a frat boy. But my only friend in early admissions who didn't live on campus briefly dated Roy Jefferson. Marv and Roy nominated her as the girl with the best legs and she was unanimously given that honor by the U of U football team of 1962. She was a ballet dancer.

Roy played for the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Baltimore Colts and the Washington Redskins. He played in two Super Bowl games. I think the first was a Colts victory over the Dallas Cowboys. Then there was a Super Bowl VII victory for the Dolphins over Jefferson's Redskins.

Roy married my friend,Victor Gordon's little sister, Candy, and I think she and Roy stayed married and raised a family. My movie matinee date, Nick emailed me to correct the record on Roy. I don't know why I thought his last name was Washington but I knew it was one of those early President's names. I never ran into Roy after he left Utah.

Getting Ready for the Next Storm

The Grape vines have been pruned, the roses too. Time to cut the remaining tall mint, take the gazebo furniture cushions to the storage shed behind the little house. Get as many leaves off the deck as possible. I'm hoping for a long enough stretch of time to let the deck dry to get a coat of linseed oil or Thompson's WaterSeal on it before it's too late. It might be already. It wouldn't be the first time I let winter slip up on me. I hate the preparation. I hate cleaning rain gutters, hate raking leaves, hate taking the cushions in because it means I have resigned myself to winter. No more evenings sitting in the gazebo, listening to squirrels and chickadees and crickets. Short days, long nights. Shoveling snow. Oh yes, I know how you sunbirds love the snow you don't have to shovel. But it's enough to break an old woman's back. If it's really deep and staying, I call the teenage girl across the street and she runs over to shovel for me. She's a most ambitious little entrepreneur, helpful and prompt for the right price. Good girl, Alex. It's nice to know you dear.

Ghost Dansing Left This Comment in Response to This

(Original post is linkied to Title)
Blogger Ghost Dansing said...

the arrogance of humans to think Caesar decides what is bound together in heaven and on earth.......

perhaps there is insufficient Church-State separation in the first place..... let the Churches marry, and the State takes license fees to establish civil unions for legal purposes for all its citizens.....

why should the State recognize the action of any Church? why should the State perform any function in lieu of a Church..... like marriage?

perhaps the State should deny corporate status to businesses involving gays? the Churches don't like gays, so perhaps the State should prevent them from having business licenses or forming corporations.....

are they not applying legal sanction to a social group because some Churches don't approve of them receiving the same equal rights under the Law?

what is marriage from the perspective of the State other than a contract between two people?

is the State recognizing a Religious sacrament? does a Church require the State to recognize a religious sacrament in order for it to be valid?

does God require a Church or the State to unite two people spiritually in heaven and on earth?

are there Churches that will marry gays?

if the State bestows on marriage a special legal status of contractual union, on what basis would that special status be denied a gay couple that was married in a Church.

or if the State insists upon performing Church ceremonies like marriage, to which Church's dogma will it comply?

perhaps the issue of Church-State separation is what truly needs to be examined here.

Marv Fleming Was a Friend of Mine

Yes, that's right Randal, Marv Fleming. Five Superbowl wins! Greenbay Packers and the Miami Dolphins. I've linked the wiki site in the title of this post for those of you who are new to the geekatude of FOOTBALL as we so quaintly call the game of gladiators we know of as tackles, point guards, line backers and tight ends. Oh how I loved those tight ends. There was a Washington boy who grew up in the neighborhood who dated the little sister of another friend of mine when I was first at college who was also a Superbowl winner. Marv Fleming dated a dorm friend of mine, Mary... I'm sorry Mary, I just had a bowl and my short term memory is shot for the moment, but it will come back to me. Mary and I used to drive the little sissy girls in our dorm crazy by pretending we were lesbian lovers. She and Marv, who was going to school at the University of Utah on a football scholarship, were great dancers. They entered dance competitions and won prizes. He was a great guy and when I last saw him, about ten years ago in a bar in Salt Lake, he was charming as ever.

The Washington kid's first name escapes me now too, but he played for the Redskins and the Dolphins and had two Superbowl rings. He was, I believe, a wide receiver. One of those flashy players. The kind who cross that line and score. My third husband and I had two things in common--a love of football and great writing. We mainly watched football and then retreated to our corners for the serious reading. It was a strange marriage. But I won millions in monopoly money bets.

I did have the dream about the NFL Baby Farm. I was driving alone along one of those winding forest roads in the Willamette Valley of Oregon on my way home. And as I am a driver who speeds I came upon the taillights of a white van. It's back doors were not properly closed and as it went around a curve one door flew open and out rolled a bundle. I slammed on my breaks and managed to miss the bundle. I got out and discovered that the bundle was a baby a few months old. It was not crying and didn't seem hurt. I took it home with me and decided it was a fine baby and I would keep it. As I was unwrapping it I noticed, stitches here and there and healed scars. This was without a doubt the beefiest baby I had ever seen. And then the doorbell rang. When I opened the door with the baby in my arms, Rosie Greer said, "You have one of our babies. That baby belongs to the NFL Baby Farm."

Let Bigotry and Exclusion Ring

I'm furious that in a moment when we made history by proving to ourselves and the world that we have overcome our racism enough to elect a black President, we want to rescind the civil rights of gay Americans who live in California, a state we like to think of as progressive. I know there were several other states that passed similar measures to prohibit the marriage of gay couples, but they are not states with the reputation for tolerance and inclusion that Californian has. Rachel Maddow pointed out that there were also measures on many states ballots that made the use and possession of small amounts of marijuana legal. But not gay marriage. We are now more afraid of "the gays" having the same civil rights as the rest of America's citizens than we are of the pot smokers. We have a long way to go baby.

I remember a time when it was not legal for a black person to marry a white person in many state. This is no different an issue. It is an embarrassment and shame to all of us that we tolerate this kind of intolerance in our state constitutions.